Why You Shouldnt HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE On The First Date

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
Yes, you read the headline correctly. Here you are, on a men’s website, reading an advice column for men, about why you shouldn’t necessarily sleep with someone on the first date You haven’t accidentally stumbled onto (which is not a real website, by the way.) I’m a man, writing an article to other men, in which I’m claiming that it is not necessarily good to possess sex at every possible opportunity.
This is the topic that isn’t really discussed from the male perspective that often. It isn’t a good discussion. It’s just type of assumed that men would want to have sex on the initial date, and, therefore, they should.
And this is really a somewhat reasonable assumption, because this can be a question that women ask more often. It’s often (though not necessarily) the case that women tend to be more hesitant to jump into bed than men are, once and for all reason. Women need to screen for creeps and monsters, not forgetting dudes who’ll rhapsodize concerning the tender romance they want, and then remove the moment they get yourself a blowjob. Men are, needless to say, deceived in this manner too, but not normally, and they usually do not worry about the girl getting violent. So, it’s men who will often have to prove they’re sex-worthy.
Therefore, it’s seen as sort of a win whenever a woman really wants to sleep with you on the initial date. You’re charming enough that you, a random schlub picked off an online dating service , has earned a woman’s trust. You’ve cast a lovely spell over her, and today she can’t resist – she just must observe how your impeccably sculpted muscles ripple as you do, well, whatever. (Alternatively, you’ve just found yourself on a romantic date with a female who likes having potentially meaningless sex, that is a win in its way.)
But because it’s flattering to be offered sex on the initial date, and just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should. You probably shouldn’t.
And this isn’t a moral judgement. I don’t think there’s anything immoral about sex so long as both parties have consented , and neither has been deceptive about their ultimate intentions. (You are, by the way, a jerk if you tell a woman that you’re looking to settle down, when you’re only looking to remove her panties.)
It’s also not that I think it’s more chivalrous, or anything – I’m not about to tell you to pick up your date in a horse-drawn carriage. Nope. I’m saying that you shouldn’t have sex on the first date because that’s when things go wrong.
There are exceptions, of course, but sex on a first date is usually not great. There are a few things at play here. Probably, you’ve been drinking, which can affect performance in a number of ways. Likely, neither of the participants knows each other well. That means you don’t know what the other person likes in bed, they don’t know what you like, and since you probably just met, neither of you has much of a reason to care. If things go badly, it’s not the end of the world, right?
Well, all of that is basically a recipe not just for bad sex – which is a reason enough to avoid first-date sex on its own – but also for sex that crosses lines.
It’s not pleasant, but yes, I’m saying it: Sex on a first date is more likely to be the kind of sex where the lines between consent and its absence are thoroughly blurred. It might not be rape necessarily, but it’s far from simply underwhelming sex.
Unfortunately, our culture has this vision of the rapist or the sexual assaulter as being some masked creep hiding in the bushes. (And why is it always bushes?) The truth is these acts are overwhelmingly committed by people the victim knows already. And another unfortunate reality is a large number of the perpetrators don’t necessarily realize they’ve done anything wrong – because there wasn’t some violent struggle; your partner just didn’t seem very involved with it.
Well, that “not so into it” ought to be a large, flashing red light for you. Often, that means the individual is having an awful time but is too scared to state anything. Consent is informed and enthusiastic – if your date doesn’t look like they’re getting the time of her life, stop immediately and have if everything’s OK.
Again, on an initial date, you do not know this person perfectly. That means you’re more prone to misread them, looked after can indicate they’ll feel less comfortable voicing their displeasure. If you have been making out and the mood is right but then you start doing something that, to you is a normal progression, but that to your date, feels deeply wrong or uncomfortable, not everyone will have the courage to loudly yell “No! Stop!” and shut the whole thing down.
Often, women in this situation will have to mentally calculate: “Should I tell him to stop and risk him getting angry, or not stopping, or should I just let him keep doing this and hope it ends soon?” That is clearly a horrifying calculus, and a recipe for a sexual encounter that’s light years from informed and enthusiastic consent and incredibly probably traumatic.
I’m not saying you can’t have hot, consensual sex on an initial date. Definately not it – I’ve on several occasions, and much more than among those hookups went on to show into a genuine relationship. But I’m saying that on an initial date, the smart guideline is to stop prior to going completely. Not because you’ll definitely do anything bad or traumatize your date should you choose, but because, over an extended enough timeframe, the guy who does not have sex on the initial date will have a whole lot cleaner of a conscience compared to the guy who does.
So much can fail if you are drunk and barely know one another that, typically, it’s just not worthwhile. If the chemistry will there be, it’ll be there the next and third and fourth time around. At that time, you may actually know one another well enough to go over what does and fails in the bedroom for you personally – and the anticipation you’ve developed can make the sex that much hotter.

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