The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
Basically everyone loves sexting, unless they really really love Jesus. Sexting is just the most fun you can have. You’re inconspicuously going around your day, writing contracts, or waiting tables, and meanwhile, all your dirtiest fantasies are playing out in your pocket. While everybody else on the bus is just sort of grimly contemplating the hellish winter landscape outside, you’re sitting at the back, flexing your literary genius and getting your partner all worked up. Unless you accidentally text your boss (or your ex) an intense description of the passionate cunnilingus you plan on performing, it’s the best.
Which is why it’s tempting to immediately start sexting someone you’ve been seeing immediately. I get it. You’re in a tizzy about your new sexual partner, and whenever you’re not getting laid, you’re sitting around thinking about them, and, hey, there’s your phone, ready to broadcast all of your perverted sensibilities.
Nevertheless: if you’re a man, I’d recommend against sending the first sext Let her do it. This will save you, and her, lots of potential misery. Let me explain why.
So, there’s a gigantic difference in the dating experiences of people – most prevalently on online dating services, that is where practically everyone creates the majority of their dates and/or their meaningless hookups. Being truly a woman on the net is a completely different situation from what men face. It’s generally more tiring, and potentially more traumatic.
More specifically: if you are a man, internet dating is like a great game, or perhaps a depressing competition, based on whether you’ve find out about how exactly to level up your Tinder skills with this website. You carefully craft clever messages, send them off to gorgeous women, and run around your apartment doing dumb victory dances in the event that you get yourself a response. Basically, there is nothing at an increased risk except your self-esteem, and rejection is approximately the worst thing you will need to look forward to.
However, for women online, harassment is basically typical. If you’re a female, every time you obtain a message from the guy on Tinder , or OKCupid , or wherever, there is a decent possibility that it is an unsolicited dick pic, or an inappropriately sexual message, or whatever. That is just undeniably true. I help a few of my female friends making use of their Tinder lives sometimes, and you also wouldn’t believe the thickets of totally disgusting nonsense they cope with. I have no idea why here is the case exactly – it’s probably linked to the gross messaging men get about masculinity, and it’s really just possible that it has something regarding the hallucinatory power of an excessive amount of testosterone. Regardless, it really is most assuredly something. Women need to screen out a great deal of unwelcome sexual douchebaggery.
Moreover, even if you are not one of these men – you’re not perpetrating low-key harassment – and you may charm a woman into meeting you for a drink, there’s still a huge gender imbalance, most likely, in terms of what’s going on in your head and her head on the date. Basically, a man on a first date is wondering whether he’s going to get laid, or whether his jokes are landing, or whether his fly is down. And a woman is thinking about that stuff too, but she’s also wondering whether she’s dealing with a sexual predator, since the terrifically sad reality is that many (perhaps even most) women deal with some form of sexual assault at some time in their lives.
So, you need to keep this at heart, and remember never to tripped a woman’s maybe that is guy is really a total creep” alarms in the first stages of a relationship. This won’t mean that don’t be flirtatious or outgoing. It just means that you should often hold off on being overtly sexual as soon as you feel like it. Otherwise, you might unintentionally end your new relationship immediately.
Moreover, remember that generally men are less adept at reading romantic and sexual signals than women are. This is just because of a lack of training. Again: men risk being rejected, and women risk being assaulted. It only makes sense that men are a little more reckless about this kind of thing. Keep that in mind – remember that you might unintentionally cross boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. Reign in your instincts accordingly.
By the way, this relates to a good general rule about dating, which is that you should listen to women talk about annoying/harmful things that men do, and then be honest about whether you’re maybe at risk of doing them yourself. You know how women talk about how men are scatterbrained idiots who forget about birthdays and Valentine’s Day? Well, maybe you’re a scatterbrained idiot too – setup some Google alerts. You know how women write editorials and Facebook posts about their negative experiences with men who push them into sexual behaviour they’re uncomfortable with? Consider that maybe, unintentionally, you’ve been section of the problem, and that you should focus on behaving yourself, and not pushing your relationships in a sexual direction immediately.
But, but, but, you say, I, like, really want to sext. Well, don’t worry – if a woman is into sexting, she will sext you, eventually. Maybe she’ll text you I’ve been thinking about last night,” and you’ll respond what were you thinking about exactly,” and, bam, your daily life is complete. Frequently, men have the mindset that they have to initiate, that they have to venture out and make everything happen. Even though that is mostly true of asking somebody from the first date , it isn’t true of sexual stuff. Women are sexual beings, they don’t really hand out sex to be charitable – each goes for what they need, when they’re comfortable enough to accomplish it.
Now, there’s an exception here. If you have experienced a relationship with somebody for some time, and there is no sexting going on, well, just ask your girlfriend if she’s into dirty messages. Whether it’s at that time, it’s just another component of your sex life, and you could have that conversation. You’re already at night is he a predator?” stage, in order to just concentrate on turning one another on whenever you can.

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