Why Would Women Mention Other Dates

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose identifying and whereabouts details remain unknown. What we can say for certain really is he is, good at dating really. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’m writing you concerning this girl I met on Tinder. She’s an excellent flirt, that i respect – there aren’t enough of these nowadays IMO. But there’s a very important factor that drives me in love with her. It feels as though each time we talk she finds ways to bring up various other guy she’s talking to or going on a date with. I don’t mind that she’s not being, like, “faithful” to me or whatever. I get that the normal thing for young people right now is to date around, and honestly it takes some pressure off me to know she’s not expecting me to be “boyfriend material” necessarily. But I just wish she could find something else to speak about than this. Why would someone do that? It seems like she’s trying to make me jealous or something, or else just doing it because she doesn’t care about my feelings, even though she’s really sweet to me otherwise. Overall she seems really cool, but she’s done this so many times it’s started to feel like a real issue. Should this type or sort of thing certainly be a deal-breaker? I want to know very well what you think.
– Not THE ONLY PERSON
Hi Not THE ONLY PERSON,
I’m sorry you prefer this girl, since it sounds like it’s causing no little bit of suffering. The fact she’s letting you know about her other male interests is often a sure-fire indication that she’s pretty immature. Even very immature Maybe. It might seem this sounds harsh, but hear me out for another, here.
Obviously this kind of behavior personally is disconcerting for you. It is almost always hard to access know an individual through online dating It’s even harder when you yourself have to become familiar with the rest of the guys that are in the picture. This is usually a wealth of information you do not need. And assuming this crush of yours has pointed out that you are not telling her about the women you have in the picture (because, as near when i can tell, you have none), she knows you are probably not entirely pleased with this raft of unnecessary facts. She knows that all dude carries around at the minimum a wee little jealousy and insecurity, and that she’s deliberately inflaming your worst tendencies.
Also? It’s not as if you need reminding that she probably includes a sex life. She’s hot, she’s fun, she continues on dates. It’s 2017. Many of us date around. This is simply not news. Yet she specifically is out of her solution to let you know, Hey, other guys are into me, hey, hey, what do you consider of this, hey, hey.” Why? Really, why?
Well, probably the most intuitive answer appears like the right one: She’s attempting to cause you to jealous, or at least keep you by yourself toes. She’s saying that she’s surrounded by dudes that are jumping through hoops for an instant of her time, and you’d better function as best show pony of most. She’s saying that as soon as you neglect to capture her interest, you may be one of an extended type of men she’s discarded. Is it possible to measure with Harry Haircut, or Buff Bob?
Now, she’s right for the reason that you will be, actually, competing with other guys on her behalf attention. If you take part in the act of attempting to date other humans, that’s perforce the case. But any sane person doesn’t constantly remind you of this fact, to trip you up. If she decides you are not in the running, she should just let you know that she doesn’t feel a spark, no regrets, you’re cool, but she’ll have a pass. That is the way an adult woman does it. An adult woman doesn’t torture you merely to cause you to squirm.
And there’s another motive for the tiny stories she’s telling, which isn’t better. She’s not only doing offers with you – she’s also puffing herself up. Attempting to make herself appear to be the heroine of an enchanting comedy, or perhaps a complicated reality show. Attempting to make herself appear to be some type of buried treasure, sought after by all sorts of courageous explorers.
First of all, this absolutely screams insecure.” She should be able to feel valuable – to be confident that she’s worth it – without going on and on about it. She should have something more to talk about than how much people want to be with her. This might be a sign that she’s the kind of person who becomes sullen when they’re not given wonderful compliments 20 times a day, or when they receive the faintest implication that they’re not everyone’s favorite. Try to imagine a guy doing this – constantly telling a girl he’s seeing about other girls he’s seeing – and you see how desperate it feels.
And, perhaps needless to say, anyone who tries to relentlessly deliver the message that they’re a dream-girl isn’t that. An excellent partner is a person who wants to connect to you on a person basis. Because you’re you. Not a person who wants your attention because that proves that they are worthy.
Now, do not get me wrong. This won’t mean you absolutely shouldn’t go out with her, or attach with. People who value you a bit, but not a whole lot, are fun sometimes. For a time. And frankly, even though she’s oversharing, it’s better that she’s being honest with you and above board, instead of acting like you’re the main one if you are just Joe Average to her. Just be sure you know what you’re entering, and you don’t allow yourself enter an unhealthy dynamic with her.
For instance, I’ve actually dated someone such as this. Her name was Annabel, and she was great. At the very least, she initially was. A cute English major with endless energy. Very sweet, very clever, always loaded with weird quirky jokes. But, like your Tinder prospect , Annabel was constantly discussing other interesting guys she’d hung out with. Liam the chef, Jacob the scholar. The implication was, You’d better show me a great time, or I’ll find another person.”
And I did show her a good time. For a little while. But it was hard, because, weirdly, it proved that Annabel was unhappy. As soon as she wasn’t the biggest market of attention, she started feeling afraid. So she’d get grumpy anytime I talked to a lady friend, and God forbid she take part in a combined group conversation with another beautiful woman. She seems trashy really,” she’d say about an acquaintance of mine’s revealing outfit, despite the fact that she herself wore equally revealing outfits often.
What I thought would be considered a fun little fling ended ugly. When I tried to quietly split up with her, civilly, on a mostly-empty patio, because I couldn’t go on it anymore, it ended in a loud outburst. I hardly understand why you don’t desire to screw me,” she shouted. She threw half of a beer in my own face Then. I went home, took a shower, toweled myself off, and felt relief.
Perhaps this girl will not be like that. But signs so usually do not look positive far.
Look. Maybe you are not searching for a long-term partner , but before you devote your time to somebody – as well as your time is precious, remember that – you should at least take a moment to think about what kind of person you want to end up with. My assumption is that you want somebody who’s not constantly engaging you in psychological games. And you don’t want someone who doesn’t make you feel like you constantly have to cater to their extremely complicated needs. Also, you want someone who sees you as greater than a guy in an extended string of guys, someone she can tell another guy about. This may not be see your face.
In the event that you dismiss what I’m saying, as you like her, and you also desire to give her the advantage of the doubt – if you feel I’m reading an excessive amount of right into a small pattern of behavior – then, honestly, I am hoping you’re right. I am hoping she’s not actually an insecure, self-absorbed one who will ruin things between you. Reader, I wish you luck.

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