Why Wont She Call You Boyfriend

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we can say for certain is that he is actually, excellent at dating. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’m two months into seeing this phenomenal girl. Things ‘re going great. I’m basically head over heels. I consider her my girlfriend. But she’s not prepared to call her my boyfriend. She’s a lot of different excuses, like, the term makes her nervous, she’s not ready. She says she prefers saying that we’re seeing one another.” But I do not get it, because we go out on a regular basis, and we’re not dating other people. What gives? MUST I worry about this?
– Label-less Luke
The Answer
Hi Label-less Luke,
Well, when she lets you know you are not her boyfriend, it is because you are not. You’re only her boyfriend when she calls you that. Sorry. It generally does not particularly matter whether your sex life is incredible, or whether you’re cooking her chicken soup when she’s sick, or whether she deleted her online dating account. Up until the point when she refers to you with that magical two-syllable word, you’re just a lover,” which is to say, a high-class side piece.
Ultimately, we use words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” for social reasons. You call someone a girlfriend” because you’re telling your mom about them. Or your buddies, or, if you’re having one of those particularly bad nights, a cop who’s arresting you. And you’re saying that someone is major piece of infrastructure in your life, not just a temporary decoration. It’s a way of claiming people, of roping them off and declaring that, in some sense, there’s a possessive relationship. Which isn’t bad. At a certain point, it’s the most authentic way of labeling what’s going on.
For whatever reason, she’s not into that yet. She’s not ready to tell her friends, and co-workers, and Twitter following, that you’re actually hanging around. You’re not section of the personal brand yet. Maybe she likes you a lot, or even loves you a little bit, but she’s not ready to make you a central element of her life. Most importantly, she’s not ready to tell the men in her social circle that she’s completely off the market. Seeing somebody” is remarkably vague. While it implies that you’re a significant somebody, it also implies that there are a lot of potential somebodies.
This isn’t necessarily the end of the world. It could mean a lot of different things. Maybe she’s just still deciding about you. People move at different speeds. It’s plausible that she’s a discerning person that doesn’t decide about people quickly – not even a magical man like you. She’s curious about your soul, and she wants to peer into it some more. Maybe she just wants to see if your cunnilingus technique evolves. Whatever. It is a win. She’s decided you are worthy of research.
By the way, a very important factor you have to keep in mind, generally, is that the majority of women are wary of dudes, because a large amount of dudes suck. Not absolutely all men, of course, because the hashtag goes, but everybody knows that there are a number of young douchebags on the dating market. Any significantly attractive woman could have dated in regards to a half-dozen morons. Many have handled sexual predators. You need to allow for the truth that many women have justification never to immediately trust a good seemingly perfect Prince Charming. Don’t expect that any sensible woman enables you to instantly sweep into her life and change it.
Alternatively? I’m sorry to state, but this could imply that she doesn’t really value you. That she’s tried you on, and she knows you do not really fit, but you’re somewhat amusing, so she’ll keep you around. You’re a reliable lay and an excellent listener and you’re much better than the common dude, but you are not likely to get that sweet promotion. For reasons uknown, that spark seriously isn’t there, and it’s really not materializing.
This sucks, and it’s really not nice to take into account, but it is a possibility that you must consider. Most people won’t tell you things such as I’m only somewhat thinking about you.” Instead, you’ll get signals. Like they don’t really text you back immediately. Or they don’t devote some time for you personally. Or they’re pleased to see you, however, not overjoyed – you make then smile, nevertheless, you don’t make sure they are laugh out loud. Perhaps you have met some of her friends yet? Or even, you have reason to be worried.
And, in all honesty, you’re probably smart enough to inform the difference. You almost certainly know whether she’s falling deeply in love with you, or whether she’s just hanging on before meager interest she’s dissolves. If you’re genuinely confused about this, you’re probably in denial.
Like me, when I was younger, and dating Jessica. Boy, was she great. A real free spirit type. Like one of those girls from an old French movie, whose life seemingly consisted of bicycling around, smoking cigarettes, making love, and spouting wistful poetry. And one thing she said is that she wouldn’t call me a boyfriend,” because she didn’t believe in labels.” She would tell me that our relationship would be ruined if we trapped it with words, because it’s a growing thing, and we shouldn’t stifle it, and cage it, like a little pet rat.”
For some reason, I was convinced by this pretentious garbage. And I was even convinced of it when she started seeing other people, with whom she had similarly unlabeled relationships. My level of self-deception was such that I thought that she would eventually come around to me, and me alone.
Well, it turned out that she did believe in labels. Just not with me. A few months after we started hanging out with each other, she broke it off with me, and began a traditional relationship with someone else immediately thereafter. I found out from a Facebook status update. All of her precious verbiage was just window-dressing for the real truth: that, when we were dating, I wasn’t her boyfriend yet because I never would be.
Is this you? I can’t tell. I haven’t listened closely to the tone of your maybe-girlfriend’s voice when you’re cuddling post-coitally, or observed her punctuation choices when she texts you. Because that would be creepy. I’m an advice columnist, not a private detective, or a stalker. You, however, have all the evidence, and you have to be real with yourself. Is she looking forward to your relationship to blossom into something worth a genuine title? Or are you currently just ready to be dumped? Whether it’s the former, congratulations. Enjoy these early, uncertain days. But whether it’s the latter, I would recommend moving on immediately. Being stuck in a dead-end relationship is harmful to your heart as well as your sense of dignity. Never, ever spend your time on individuals who are wasting yours.

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