Why She Criticizes You

A near universal experience for men has been criticized or nagged by their wives or girlfriends. Feeling like whatever you do, you can’t appear to make your partner’s irksome behavior stop is another commonality uniting men around the world. Interestingly, it isn’t happenstance that men end up in the position to be criticized more than another way around. Differing biology and socialization both are likely involved in explaining why men are generally the people who get criticized in a relationship. When you can identify with being the mark of a woman’s wrath, this short article is for you personally then. Read on to understand just what it is which makes your girlfriend explode and ways to successfully encourage her to help ease off.
Women differently express themselves
As the extent to which biology and socialization respectively influence how individuals go to town has yet to be determined, research has demonstrated that women have a tendency to produce more emotion-oriented messages than men. One study, for instance, found that, when asked to create a complete story about love, men’s narratives were 50% shorter than women’s (Barbara, 2008). Aswell, evidence shows that men will favor a problem-focused approach in reaction to a stressful situation , whereas women shall concentrate on emotional support.
In your relationship, these differing varieties of expression explain why, once you remove the trash as a symbolic gesture of your feelings for your partner, she won’t necessarily understand the loving intentions behind this act. Also, when your significant other is telling you about her stressful day, though your inclination is to help her find a solution to her difficulty, she’s actually seeking supportive words rather than concrete help. These gender differences mean that you may find that your partner frequently accuses you of being insufficiently loving because she’s expecting you to be more emotionally attuned and expressive.
To set her straight with regards to how you feel about her, try expressing positive feelings toward your partner more often, but don’t forget to let her know that when you do something for her, like change the tires on her car, it’s another way of saying you care.
It takes men longer to cool off
When you’re in the midst of a disagreement with your partner and you’re beginning to feel angry, chances are you might end up shutting down and withdrawing emotionally. That’s because when humans are overwhelmed by negative emotions, their bodies give them two options: fight (criticize) or flight (withdraw). The reason men tend to go into withdrawal mode is that their cardiovascular systems are much more reactive to stress compared to women’s, making the experience of strong negative emotions extremely uncomfortable.
In order to avoid that sensation, men shut down. Unfortunately, rather than making the problem go away, when you tune out in response to your partner’s criticism, she feels like she’s not being heard, which makes her criticize you even more and you then shut down further – in short, a vicious cycle ensues that can have a major impact on the standard of your relationship. In fact, in one study, physiological measures, such as heart rate and blood pressure, explained 60% of the variation in how satisfied couples felt in their relationships (Levenson & Gottman, 1983). To get away from this negative cycle, next time you’re having a disagreement with your spouse and things are receiving too heated for you personally, say something similar to: Personally i think too angry at this time to keep this conversation and I have to have a 40-minute break.” Being specific about your feelings as well as your dependence on a (long) time-out lets her know predicament and she’ll be receptive to your statement because she won’t feel ignored.

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