Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen readers.
This week’s Q&A looks at why nice guys finish last. Is your wussy behaviour driving her away? David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.
Last year I was dating a woman for several months; in fact, it was close to a committed relationship. We had fun together and had great sex and everything. Then, all of a sudden, she left and went back to her former fella, an idiot who doesn’t treat her even remotely as well as I did.
How do you interpret her behaviour? Is she still interested somehow or what? Is there, according to your experience, any realistic chance to get her back (i.e. to trigger her interest and attraction again)?
Thank you for your help,
A.H. Zurich, Switzerland
david d. responds
Let’s start with the definition of the word “wussy,” shall we? This word is a combination of the words “wimp” and another word that starts with the letter P. In other words, a wussy (or wuss) is a guy who tends to behave in a wimpish, submissive, weak, and needy way.
The problem with being a wussy is that women are never attracted to weakness and, thus, they are never attracted to wussies.
Never, ever, ever.
Now, a woman might marry a wussy because he’s either “nice” or the best she can get, or maybe he has a lot of money, or he has courted her for so many years that she finally gives in. But the thing is, she’ll never feel genuine attraction for him because nice guys finish last.
You see, women don’t choose who they feel attraction for. Bam — it just happens.
Now, one problem that a lot of guys have to face is that turning into a wussy can happen over time. You start off on the right foot and then gradually turn into a wuss with a woman — and that makes attraction start to go away inside of her.
When that happens, a woman will tell her friends: “I don’t know what it is… but for some reason lately he’s just annoying to be around.” Even if they’re not consciously aware of it, it bothers women when a man that’s interested in them acts like a wussy. In many women, wussy behaviour actually triggers negative emotions the same way that “manly” behaviour triggers attraction.
Of course, the worse things get (and the more annoyed a woman becomes) the more likely a man acts like a total wussbag. It’s one of those vicious cycles that usually ends with the woman leaving and the “nice” guy sitting there wondering what he did wrong. Nice guys finish last. Thinking that maybe, if he had just been able to tell her how much he loved her, that she would not have left him for that other abusive jerk.
David DeAngelo continues his answer next…