The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we can say for certain is that he is actually, excellent at dating. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’m in a weird situation. My ex invited me to her wedding. This is simply not something I expected. We’re on decent terms, but we’re not close friends or anything, and we used to truly have a pretty serious relationship. I have no idea what the etiquette is here now. Is it OK easily go?
– Worried William
The Answer
Hi William,
Once you write “Could it be OK easily go,” you could be asking the incorrect question. As your ex invited one to this wedding, it’s definitely “OK,” in the sense that it is allowed. In the event that you go, and everything goes terribly, you have the excuse that you’re explicitly asked to wait. If your ex partner bursts into tears upon first seeing you, and her jealous fiancГ© picks a fight with you, and you also knock him unconscious with a wicked right hook, and he falls backwards in to the wedding cake – well, it isn’t your fault, could it be? You were invited.
An improved question is be it advisable – whether it’ll benefit your life, as well as your ex’s as well. Which basically reduces into two sub-questions. First, does she want you there for reasonable? And, secondly, if she wants you there for reasonable, can you surpass that expectation?
Are you aware that first question, there’s basically only 1 justification for an ex-girlfriend to invite one to her wedding, that is that she really wants to maintain a friendship with you. You’re still vital that you her, and she doesn’t desire to let you go. And when you missed her wedding, you’d be missing a significant moment in her life. She’d be sad like she’d if some of her friends couldn’t attend.
It’s completely possible that is her only motive. While it’s unusual for exes to stay close enough that they are wedding guests, it can happen. However, women are people, and, unfortunately, people’s motives aren’t always pure. There are a great number of bad reasons to invite somebody to a marriage, too.
Like maybe she wants revenge. She wants one to come and feel jealous of her. You broke her heart, you scumbag, and today you’ll come and observe how ravishingly beautiful she actually is in an extended white dress, watching as another man embraces her. You didn’t think she could possibly be happy without you, and today she’s overjoyed with another suitor, who’s more advanced than you atlanta divorce attorneys way, and all that can be done is witness these facts, in despair, prior to going home and masturbating.
Or possibly the fiancГ© may be the target of her enmity. Maybe she senses that he’s getting too comfortable in the marriage before it’s even started – it happens – and she really wants to light a fire under his ass. By inviting you there, she’ll demonstrate that her former lovers are readily available, ready to endure a boring wedding merely to catch another long glimpse at her face. If he’s not careful, maybe he’s not the main one who’s going to remove her wedding dress.
Another, a lot more dramatic possibility: She’s still deeply in love with you. And, confronted with the pressure of her upcoming commitment, she really wants to see you just once more, like an ex-smoker going for a quick puff of a cigarette. And, like this ex-smoker, she might fall back to the habit again. She tells her fiancГ© that she’s over you, but it is a lie.
I can’t tell you that is more likely – your ex is inviting you out of an authentic desire to have friendly connection, or that there surely is something weird going on. It is possible that it is both – that she really wants to be friends with you on some level, but that there surely is the twinkle of something more sinister deep down in her consciousness. You understand your ex partner, and I don’t. All I could advise you to accomplish here is to think about the possibilities.
Which brings us to the next question. So, let`s say that your ex is really thinking about having an open, honest, kind relationship with you it doesn’t involve sexual touching. That’s great. However, it doesn’t mean additionally you want a similar thing. Are you currently actually OK with being platonic pals with a female you once loved? Are you currently OK with that enough to tolerate seeing her married to some other man?
Be mercilessly honest with yourself here. Even though you are not generally jealous of one’s ex’s new relationship – you see her fiancГ©’s vacation photos on Facebook and you also remain cool as a cucumber – it will likely be hard to keep that sort of poise on her behalf wedding night. You are going to see her look her very best, worshipping and being worshipped by another man looking his very best. You will be attending a theatrical production having an extremely simple plot: She’s an extraordinarily desirable individual, and some other dude is locking it down.
These are circumstances which would cause many a strong man to break down and act like a whiny little man-child, or worse. That includes me. Generally, I’m not a person who dwells on the past. Nevertheless, I have two or three exes whose weddings I absolutely will not attend for anything less than a six-figure sum. (Annabelle, Rachel, you know how to contact me.)
Can you be absolutely sure that you won’t get totally wasted and start yammering to other wedding guests about how sex with your ex was, like, good, but not great? Will you try to channel your frustration by attempting to sleep with one or more of the bridesmaids? If the officiant asks those in attendance whether there are any objections to this union, will you stand up and scream an incoherent confession at the top of your lungs?
You need to be as sure about your answers to these questions as you are about the existence of gravity. Should you be, then maybe you should go to your ex’s wedding. It could be fun.
Now, you might have noticed that this column is slanting pretty negative – that I’ve written much more about what could be wrong with going to an ex’s wedding than what could be right with it. That observation does reflect my bias. I think that not attending an ex’s wedding is a safer bet than the alternative. Does that mean it’s always a bad idea? No, of course not. But relationships with exes are rarely simple.
However, what is simple is making up an excuse for why you can’t go to a wedding. Invent some travel plans. Say that you’ve got diarrhea. Whatever. She’ll probably know that it’s an excuse – you don’t actually want to reconnect. But that’s fine. It doesn’t really matter that much. She is getting married, after all.

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