What Women Say & What They Really Mean

There exists a stereotype about women they don’t say what they really mean. Sometimes, that is an exaggerated trope: women are certainly with the capacity of being straightforward and direct, in the same way men can often be waffly and imprecise. Also, sometimes the theory that women don’t say what they mean is really a convenient excuse to ignore what they’re actually saying, and may bring about men being condescending and dismissive to women when they’re speaking their minds.
However, there exists a sliver of truth to the idea that women communicate less directly, but it’s not because they’re trying to be difficult or obscure – it’s because women are socialized to be more pleasant and conciliatory, and, bearing that in mind, there are always a true amount of scenarios where indirect communication makes sense.
So, in the interests of unscrambling why women sometimes don’t say what they mean, below are a few situations where women may not say what they mean exactly, why that’s, and what that can be done about it:
1. The Boyfriend Excuse
What she says: “I’ve a boyfriend, sorry.”
What she means: Either she really includes a boyfriend, or you’re wanted by her to avoid hitting on her.
Why she says this: Unfortunately, a lot of men don’t react well to straightforward romantic rejection from women they’re asking out , and occasionally even get aggressive or hostile when confronted with responses like “Not interested, thanks!” or “I’m not here to be found.” In the worst cases, straightforward rejection can lead to taunts and harassment such as for example, “Fine, you stuck-up btch.” It naturally follows, then, that women will protect themselves from unnecessary aggression when you are less direct and framing their rejection in more conciliatory terms.
The boyfriend excuse gets around another hurdle, that is that men could be persistent in the true face of other styles of rejection. Sometimes when women say “I’m not looking to meet men at this time” or “I’m just attempting to enjoy my friends tonight” certain men won’t release, saying things such as, “Awww, you will want to?” or “Surely you can create an exception for me personally? ;)” Shutting things down with an easy, “Sorry, I’ve a boyfriend!” is frequently the safest solution to end the conversation with some extent of finality.
List of positive actions: Move ahead, and leave her alone for the night time. Set up object of one’s affection actually includes a boyfriend is beside the point, and isn’t really your business, so you shouldn’t make further enquiries to try to “prove” that she isn’t actually taken. Just take the cue that she’s not interested and walk away – there are plenty more fish in the sea.
2. The Fake Number
What she says: “Sure, I’ll give you my number. It’s inset fake phone number here.”
What she means: I don’t want you to be able to contact me, but you’re giving me bad vibes that make me feel I can’t say that directly.
Why she says this: As above, it is a self-preservation mechanism and a way to avoid overt hostility. In the face of a man who seems like he will be persistent or even a little creepy, giving a fake number is a way of diffusing the problem and giving the promise of further contact down the road – while, needless to say, obviating the chance of such contact actually.
Of course, to an acceptable man like you, this may look like incomprehensible overkill: Why on the planet wouldn’t she just say, “I’d rather not hand out my number, sorry!” In the end, you would be perfectly chill about this! Well, sure, but how is she to learn that? How do she differentiate you from all of the guys who wouldn’t take rejection quite so kindly? Unfortunately, it’s safer on her behalf to err privately of assuming you’re one of many bad guys.
List of positive actions: Shrug your shoulders and move ahead. Of course it is a bit insulting, but do not go on it too personally – her to feel safe trumps your to score her number.
3. Enter The Friendzone
What she says: “You’re this sort of buddy”/”It’s so nice having you as a pal!”
What she means: Your relationship is purely platonic, and she doesn’t remember that changing.
Why she says this: Sometimes men will harbour longings with regards to female friends without actually saying so, which puts said ladies in a distressing situation. Your friend might sense that you would like the relationship to become more than platonic, nevertheless, you won’t actually say so, so she can’t reject you outright. Instead, she makes little comments occasionally to firmly establish the kind of your friendship also to avoid providing you false hope that the partnership could be romantic.
List of positive actions: Take her at her word, and present up on the theory that you’re likely to become more than friends eventually in the future. In the event that you value her and like her as an individual really, remain her friend – it’s pretty shitty to remove a fantastic relationship because you’re sensitive about rejection, but in case a friendship is much to take care of for the hurt feelings too, you’re permitted to cut contact completely.
4. The Fake Orgasm
What she means: I’m faking an orgasm at this time.
Why she says this: The point that women occasionally fake orgasms could be confounding to men, and to women who would never bother to fake it. What’s the point? All it seems to do is mislead men on what gives women actual, genuine pleasure, and make them think what they’re doing is working when it clearly isn’t.
However, as writer Charlotte Shane points out , this isn’t an exclusively female phenomenon, and there are some circumstances where faking an orgasm makes sense – to cut short a tedious encounter, for example, or to reward a guy who’s doing everything right, despite the fact that an orgasm remains elusive for reasons he can’t fix.
List of positive actions: Most of the time, you will not actually know it has happened. If you suspect a female has faked an orgasm with you, than accusing her or concentrating on the faking rather, try asking her more questions in what she likes – “Maybe there is anything else you desire me to perform?” “Will there be other ways you would like to be touched?” – that will encourage her to start out in what gives her genuine pleasure.
5. The Brush-Off
What she says: “I’m really busy this week, I’ll get in touch” then she never gets connected
What she means: I’m not considering seeing you again.
Why she says this: You will be detecting a typical theme at this time: Women often find rejecting men to become very fraught scenario (as soon as and for several reason), and will do almost anything to soften the blow or avoid outright confrontation. Saying that she’s busy is easier than saying, “I don’t really need to see you again, at all, period.”
List of positive actions: Leave the ball in her court. Assume she doesn’t want to see you again, and if you’re wrong and she’s genuinely been busy, she will get in touch. For the time being, move on to those who have demonstrated genuine fascination with hanging out with you – you deserve that.
6. The Cold Shoulder
What she says: “I’m fine.”
What she means: I’m not fine, but I cannot be bothered explaining the obvious to you.
Why she says this: This is a tricky one, because it can be unfair and immature for a woman to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t, especially if you’ve reached out to check in on how she’s feeling. In her defense, though, the “I’m fine” response may mean that you’ve failed to miss an obvious sign or hurt her in a way that should be apparent without her having to spell it out.
What you should do: It’s worth gently pushing back on this one. Say something like, “I really don’t think you’re fine, but I’m not a mind reader, and I honestly don’t know what’s wrong. I genuinely need to know if I’ve done something wrong, so please let me know, either now or when you’re feeling more up to talking about it.” Now the onus is on her to communicate honestly and openly in return.
7. Taking A Break
What she means: I’m having serious doubts about our relationship.
Why she says this: The idea of breaking up completely is too frightening for her to contemplate right now, but she’s got serious issues with how the relationship is progressing. She really wants to take a break to create some space to the problem and observe how she really feels, but she doesn’t want the finality of splitting up for good.
Set of positive actions: How you should respond is dependent upon how you are feeling. You have already been sensing that the partnership is struggling Perhaps, or is this news taken from left field to suit your needs? The best move is always to have a deeper discussion about what’s really gone wrong in the partnership and become it fixable, wish break is often a temporary measure that wont actually resolve the deeper issues accessible.
8. Excuses TO ACQUIRE Out Of Sex
What she says: “Ouch”/”I’ve a headache”/”That’s hurting!”/”Can we’ve a rest?”/”Not tonight”/”I’m tired”
What she means: I must say i do not desire to possess sex with you at the moment.
Why she says this: Because she doesn’t want sex with you at the moment, and “no” might take many different forms.
Set of positive actions: STOP. Seriously, though: That certain is essential. Err privately of assuming any protests or signs of doubt in the bedroom mean you need to give it an escape and take action else, and when you’re receiving anything significantly less than enthusiastic consent to sex, it is advisable to stop immediately.
So, it’s true: Sometimes women – like all humans – don’t say just what they mean. However, the entire pattern in the examples above reveals a deeper truth: the reason why women are indirect is that some men make sure they are feel uncomfortable and unsafe if they say things more straightforwardly.

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