Understanding Cushioning, THE BRAND NEW Dating Trend

It probably innocently starts. One day you see a name showing up on your own girlfriend’s phone, texting her something funny. It’s no big deal, you imagine. But then you start to see the same guy’s name pop-up some more times. He’s texting her. He’s tagging her in funny meme posts on Instagram. He’s commenting on her behalf Facebook statuses.
Who is he, you intend to know? You make an effort to play it cool when asking her. Oh, he’s a pal of a friend. Or perhaps a coworker. He knows she’s in a relationship. It’s perfectly innocent.
Of course, it might be innocent. Or it may be cushioning.
What the hell is cushioning? Well, because of The Tab’s Babe blog , we know now. It is a relatively recent dating term to spell it out a trend that’s blossoming inside our hyper-connected, social media-obsessed culture.
Like ” ghosting ,” ” roaching ” and ” benching ,” cushioning may sound just a little silly, but it describes a thing that definitely does happen – and may be happening in your relationship at this time.
Essentially, the cushioner is flirting with other folks – in the event they end up single in the not too distant future. They’re attempting to setup something to “cushion” their fall if the partnership does indeed break apart. Kind of a pre-emptive rebound relationship cultivation.
The cushioner won’t actually cross the line and hook-up with the cushionee while they’re still in the partnership, but by fostering an unhealthily flirtatious relationship when quite definitely dating another person still, they’re undermining the fabric of the current relationship.
If you’re in a open relationship, obviously, this won’t really apply. Go out there and have all the fun sex and flirting you will need!
But if you’re in a monogamous relationship you’re uncertain of enough to begin considering next steps (and acting, despite the fact that in a low-key way), cushioning isn’t the perfect solution about it.
Sure, a lot of us shall engage in some degree of flirtation with other people while in relationships, and when you plus your partner are understanding concerning this kind or sort of thing, it is normal and also healthy for the partnership usually. But taking what to another level and actively flirting with people in the hopes they can be available whenever your current relationship fail is often a bad, bad strategy. Let’s browse the other ways cushioning could burn you:
Depending on your companion, it could create serious trust issues. For some, even friendly or funny texting with someone else will represent a crossed line which could result in fights and mistrust.
Stringing another person along artificially in the hopes that they can be able to cushion your fall after the breakup is potentially cruel to that person. They might be expecting things to progress only to ultimately realize that your feelings for them were never serious.
If you’re constantly thinking of the possibility of getting with this other person, you might slip up, cross a serious line and cheat on your partner – whether that’s sexting, kissing, hooking up, or having an actual affair.
Even if you don’t cheat, that kind of thinking will probably prove toxic to the relationship anyway and could prevent you from really ever investing in the relationship.
To some degree, this trend (and the fact that we’ve a term for this) is really a product of our current hyper-connectedness around anything. Social media marketing and smartphone ownership means, if you need, hundreds of sexy folks are just a few button taps away always.
It is possible to reconnect with old flames, flirt with new acquaintances, and also set up an internet dating profile and hope your spouse doesn’t find out. If you want to get your digital flirt on, you have significantly more options than previously.
And if you’re beginning to be worried about the stability of the partnership for just about any reason, it’s understandable that attention from other folks might be comforting, and it’s really possible that it might just feel just like normal friendliness initially.
But are you currently actually guilty of cushioning? Let’s check out some signs:
You’re messaging this person or these folks a lot
You’re hiding your correspondences from your own significant other
You’re fantasizing about them sexually
You’re fantasizing about dating them after your current relationship ends
In the event that you answered to at the very least two of the yes, you’re probably smack-dab amid a cushioning situation!
It’s not the finish of the world, however the right move to make would be to lessen your communication with one of these other folks (possibly cutting it off entirely) and concentrate on your relationship. Will there be grounds you’re trying and looking for attention beyond it? Will there be plain things you aren’t getting from your partner? Is something that’s stopped happening or started happening making you feel like the final is coming?

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