Top 10 10 ITEMS THAT Make Men Happy

Pop culture likes to portray us men as the less complicated of the species; monosyllabic, sex-obsessed knuckle-draggers, possessing all the depth of a kiddie pool; all the predictability of a Two and a Half Men episode. Ply us with beer, pulled pork, UFC , and/or tits, and we’re putty in your hands, right?
Wrong. We’re sophisticated, unpredictable, super-complicated snowflakes – our tastes more diverse, more exotic than a goddamn Oriental bazaar. Fact is, we’re so multi-layered it’ll knock you on your ass.
Here, then, is a list 10 of the things that make us happy, and prepare to be surprised or, not surprised at all because, like I said, we’re unpredictable.
1) Feats Of Non-Strength
Darts. Horseshoes. Ladder Toss. Beyond the hallowed fields of play are the hallowed parking lots and backyards of drink, and where there be drink, there shall be activities – non-athletic activities, still requiring superior skill, but without the risk of elevating heart rates or breaking sweats. Such pursuits also afford us a free hand to hold our beverage and/or fist-bump and/or high-five, so that makes it even more awesome.
2) You Built That!
From the manly pride you felt after sculpting that crap-tacular Mother’s Day ceramic ashtray circa 1994 Arts & Crafts, to staring in joyful awe at your first diaper-destroying poo, to assembling your girlfriend’s Ikea MALM, we are all hardwired to bask in the joy of building something; The Joy of Completion. (A corollary of this is The Joy of Demolition, in particular as it applies to stupid Ikea furniture)
3) Pushing It Down”
That’s what comedian Bill Burr calls the exercise of a man trying, at all costs, to keep up his composure, denying himself any exhibition of emotion, even in the most dire of scenarios, in which it would otherwise be totally permissible to let loose with a pathetic whimper or, as circumstances dictated, a banshee wail. But a man doesn’t allow himself such indulgences. To be clear: it’s not the bottling up of our own emotions that makes us happy; it’s the not having to suffer through another man’s emotional outburst that brings us the real joy. If I really want to experience emotion, it’ll be my own, and it’s whenever I cue up that Volkswagen commercial with the Darth Vader kid – it gets me each and every time.
4) How Do We Put This Politely…
Whatever you call it – a hummer, a beej, fellatio, oral pleasure – it doesn’t need much explanation. The scientific reason for why it makes us happy is because our pleasure centers get rocked just like a goddamn hurricane. The psychological reason is that we get a front row seat to a girl we at least sort of like being very gross for us, and us alone. Which makes us pretty happy. In other news, fire is hot.
5) Intelligence Masquerading As Stupidity Masquerading As Intelligence
There is a reason the brilliant creators of famous brands Ron Burgundy, Kenny Powers and Homer Simpson have so thoroughly stolen our hearts: Watching a good actor pretend he’s a guy so dumb he believes he’s a genius is merely terribly enjoyable. Presenting audiences with this type of potent combination of arrogance and ineptitude is, alongside jazz, the fantastic American artform. Their antics will be the source of a lot of time of our happiness and, to quote Mr. Burgundy: Don’t become you are not impressed.”
6) McGuyvering
It’s somewhat linked to the building your personal stuff” thing, however the spirit of McGuyvering is more in regards to a man’s instinct to improvise and fix whatever needs fixing with the limited resources available, and the more unconventional the answer, the better. Many of these solutions do ultimately fail but, until they do, there is a distinct sense of euphoria we experience, knowing we were able to fix that moped/toilet/rollerblades/Xbox controller with nothing but our bare hands, force of will, and a metric ton of duct tape.
7) TVs In Random Places
This combines our enjoyment of staring at shiny things with our love of gadgetry, mixed in with the ethos of doing things simply because we can, man: from Dick Tracy’s original TV wristwatch, to Elvis’ infamous television graveyard/target range, to basically every episode of Pimp My Ride that featured a TV within a car’s sun visors/headrest/center console/hubcaps, to those hotel bathroom mirrors with, you guessed it, embedded miniature TVs; they are all awesome and make us smile.
8) A Dog Wearing Sunglasses, Standing On A Surfboard
I have no idea, but that answer to what makes a man smile is, more often than not, looking at a picture of a dog with sunglasses on a surfboard.” There’s occasionally some variation – it could instead be a skateboard, or the sunglasses could be replaced with a monocle, but that would be less plausible obviously. Point being, the consensus is not any other image, lacking His Excellency The Pope, or possibly Jesus, or Lemmy from MotГ¶rhead rocking out so damn hard, garners more smiles compared to the dog/surfboard combo. It’s just the Damn bro, did I must say i just pull this off? I assume I did so,” expression on the dog’s face. He’s carrying it out for all those. He’s sporting, he’s down for a great time, but dude is chill about any of it. If you’re a guy and can’t smile at that, that person is most likely broken and I am sorry.
9) Portable Things
Portability obviously means having the capacity to transport the awesomeness of one’s favourite thing and, by doing this, providing happiness wherever you go. Battleship was the best game ever. (I am told Candyland was also excellent but I never played it as the premise seemed unrealistic) But Travel Battleship? Even cooler – cooler than wake-surfing behind the U.S.S. Nimitz. Bongs are pretty cool. The portable snowboard repair kit that transforms right into a miniature one-hitter? Ice cold. Custom chopper bike? Pretty cool. Minibike? Miles-fist-bumping-Elvis degrees of cool. Barbecue smoker? Pretty rad and likely why the terrorists hate us. Barbecue smoker mounted on a trailer hitch, ready for the open road? Why the terrorists won’t win.
10) Repetition, Repetition

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