The Gassy Girl By Paul B.

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(Understand that this story has been shortened to the gist of the action, where our author is on a romantic date with a woman he met online.)
Given that dinner was taken care of, she suggested a movie and on to the massages. I gave her one first and almost put her to sleep. She actually nodded off for 10 minutes and then said it was my turn. So, finally, she started in on me, rubbing places I didn’t expect at all and started turning me on. I really was shocked and couldn’t believe she was letting her hands roam all over me. So I turned around and started kissing her, trying to take things to the next level.
She was practically undressed, with her pants at her ankles and her shirt pulled up. Then she stops me and says, I have a tampon in, and I need to take it out.” I informed her I’d wait. She runs up stairs and takes what forever appears to be. I take time to make myself convenient and strip to only boxers to see her keep coming back down fully dressed and looking surprised.
She tells me then, “We can’t do that. God is watching us and isn’t happy.” She sits close to me on the couch, so when we talk, I reach to pat on her behalf leg and tell her I am aware just, though I had no idea what things to think even. But when i pat her, I felt something in her jeans. It had been a multi-pack of condoms, of all plain things. I asked what she meant by all this talk if she brought condoms down. I was told by her she wished to be prepared. So we found where we left off just.
Things appeared to be going the direction they finally should be at this time. Until she climbed on top and let loose the loudest/smelliest fart. It was so strong I could feel the wind all over me. I had to cover my face to keep from gagging on the smell, and then to top it off, the condom goes dry.
I was all red from her period, which she had told me was gone. At this point, I couldn’t continue anymore, so I stopped to get into the shower. She apologized till she was blue in the face, and I calmed down after the cold shower, then began to get dressed again. I settled back down on the couch and told myself it was time for me to leave.
But she then proceeded to sit on my lap again and cuddle up a bit. Feeling playful, I started tickling her, and then she farts again all over me (but at least there is clothes between us now).
I couldn’t do anything except shake my head. Embarrassed, she kept asking me to fart on her so she wouldn’t feel as bad. So now she is following me around, begging me to fart on her, I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to leave. I left the house and didn’t say anything else to her that night.
I wake up to a text the next morning, saying, “I don’t think we can see one another again because God didn’t like what we did yesterday evening, and it was too much for me personally to pray. I cannot reside in sin either.”
I informed her she was crazy that is she was thinking about God seriously, she might need to start by cleaning her porn shop drawer near her bed filled up with adult toys, condoms and lube. SMH.

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