Staying Friends With Your Ex

Staying friends having an ex can be done for a complete large amount of. For others, the idea is unfathomable – particularly if they were the people getting their heart broken
If anything, friendship might only happen following a certain time frame post-breakup But again, you will find a whole other issue when new partners are participating: Nobody is more comfortable with their significant other getting together with former lovers.
One thing is for certain, a breakup can be quite a horrific experience that leaves a guy scarred forever. It’s safe to state that seeing the individual you can’t have and reliving the sting of rejection again and again is really a major roadblock on the road to platonic friendship with a previous romantic partner.
But what about the fact you shared so many memories using your ex? That she knows so much about you? That she might value you being an individual always? Would these factors are examined by you and remain friends with a lady who dumped you?
Each one of these true points were raised through the most engaging debates on guyQ , AskMen’s Q&A platform. May be the thread that started everything Here.
I never cheat. I lie never. I’m nice to men and we’ve good relationships. I usually want to remain friends. They never do.
This is what happens each and every time – they are in love with me, in some instances want to marry me, but then if I end things (well, and for sensible reasons) they just never bother to keep in touch. Never send texts – often ignore my texts and given I only would text once every couple of months I consider that really rude.
Then, after not bothering to stay in contact and see how I am, if they bump into me by accident they are the same as before – like they have feelings and sometimes they say that and sometimes I see it in their eyes.
Then of course, after catching up and feeling close to them, I hear nothing from them.
I cannot understand the point of relationships is you can’t gather anything lasting from them. When I love someone part of me loves them forever. Why are some men so cold that they can just switch their feelings on and off at will? And don’t men want friendships?
I am so tired of dating men when I cannot even get yourself a friendship to show for this.
Is This Selfish?
You chose to split with them, why as long as they hang within? To fuel your ego? You aren’t qualified to receive their friendship as you were connected with them. You do realize men have feelings likewise, right?
Do you think you’re asking why men don’t continue behaving in your direction the way you want them to as soon as you break up with them for reasonable reasons?
Which “friendship” you seek with them… I really believe that’s admirable but do you think you’re expecting them to cover attention concerning you as you expound on why your brand-new guy is indeed more advanced than your last or inquire further about how exactly to deal with your new guy?
Maye you’re misunderstanding those “reasonable” reasons. And what does a woman just, who’s my friend, who was simply simply my ex… what does she does for me personally in this friendship just? Do we discuss things? Fix things? Have sleep overs?
I don’t think I’m following.
But my friendship are two-sided. They’re not about serving just my wants. All my exes would admit that I’m a fantastic friend. Although they only experience that inside a relationship obviously.
I’ve heard the – it’s selfish to need to stay friends – argument before.
But it’s this sort of dark world after the mature and loving thing to do every time a relationship ends is….to cut someone from your own life forever? So you never again see them smile. That will help you never cheer them up when they’re down. Every day and is living not 10 miles down the road That face you saw, you never reach see again – they’re dead to you, and that is right and normal and human.
I must not be normal. I don’t understand. But everyone else seems to. You do.
Why even have relationships and share all your secrets and connect when you know – in advance – that no matter how much you go through together, and no matter how much they tell you they love you, once the relationship is over, you will no longer exist for them. Or at least that is their goal, and they always achieve it in the end. They will shut you out, and all that time together is dust. Ashes.
Coming from a guy who tried to remain friends with his ex for years after the break up – it’s not easy. The dynamic of the relationship changes entirely. We broke up and I wasn’t ready to break up. I initiated the break up, but i didn’t want it. I didn’t want her out of my entire life. But looking back, it had been an excellent decision as there is for that one relationship to go nowhere. I worked hard to create her happy and was met with criticisms and emotional distance.
It had been painful watching her be sad. It had been painful watching her be happy and knowing it wasn’t due to me, as selfish as that sounds. It had been painful being the individual she ran to when her subsequent relationships fell apart. It had been painful finally deciding I couldn’t be apart of her life anymore. It had been painful when she’d get jealous when I’d try dating other people.
I couldn’t be ‘present’ with anyone I’d date. I was so worried that my ex would learn and what she’d tell me or how it might make her feel. All because we were friends and I was always putting her feelings first still.
I allowed myself to be installed on her even though she never loved me in the manner that I loved her. Since they understand the key reason why for breaking up doesn’t make sure it is any easier. It’s almost unhealthy to keep any type of relationship with an individual you’re so madly deeply in love with when the feelings aren’t reciprocal. It becomes very one-sided.
My point is that you can’t possibly know what’s best for them while they are hurting. You may think it’s selfish of them to cut you out of their lives, but it might be the only way they understand how to deal with the situation. I was struggling to move ahead while we were apart of every others lives still.
For just two years I let myself think I really could be friends with a female I loved. Up to now, those were the unhappiest 2 yrs of my life.
I can’t speak for several men, but I understand that the final time I was in love and dumped I saw it as all my insecurities about myself being confirmed by the girl I loved most on earth at that point with time. She also wished to stay friends that i felt was just like a participation ribbon passed out at school sports. She didn’t see me because the gold medal also it hurt like hell.
I responded by doing the fade. I saw her in regards to a month later in an organization environment. I politely (I believe) answered any questions she asked me but can’t say I actually engaged in conversation with her. We sent one another birthday texts a couple of months later. It has been about 9 months since we last had any contact.
Was my ego all wrapped up in this? Yes, definitely. Did needing space imply I didn’t truly love her or that she just meant sex if you ask me. No, never. I needed time without her in my life to rebuild me. I needed to concentrate on those insecurities that’s still a ongoing work happening. I truly don’t think wanting to make the friendship work during this time period period could have been best for my mental health because it may have constantly made me feel sad.
Should New Partners Be Ok USING THIS TYPE OF?
Let’s assume another three b/fs do appreciate you as a pal after you have split up with them and they’ve all chosen to stay in touch due to still wanting to share fun or becasue something interesting happened of their lives that they have to get your perspective on.
At this point you have three exes that are all now friends.
I arrive and we become b/f and g/f.
Am I said to be okay with you having this coziness and chumminess with exes from past sexual experiences? Imagine if I prefer you not need so many male friends, especially ones with whom you’ve been intimately intimate?
Is a reasonable reason to split up with me and if so do you actually expect me to hang around, doting on you as number 4 4 4?
I understand what you want but can you understand why you’re not getting it? It was a nice thought but real world works a little differently.
I’ve never understood that concern with exes – not if your lover was the main one who did the dumping.
If a woman wished to maintain a relationship with them, than she’d have stayed in a relationship with them.
The fact she could possibly be friends with them also shows a straight of maturity and is indicative of how she’ll treat you.
Men should worry more concerning this new guy who sits opposite her at the working job, and who she actually is forced to get so plenty of time with actually. Or the flatmate who’s always popping into her room for a catch up.
Individuals she’s dumped are rarely individuals to worry about.

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