Shes Moving Away

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we can say for certain is that he is actually, excellent at dating. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’ve been on a couple of dates with this chick I met on OkCupid , and she’s really cool. It seemed like the relationship was going places. But, after like three dates, she told me that she’s leaving to work abroad at the end of the month. I’m a little pissed off that she didn’t tell me at first, and I don’t know whether I should keep hanging out with her. What should I do?
– Misled Mario
The Answer
Hi Misled Mario,
So, let me get this straight. Your problem is that a hot girl wants to hook up with you for a month. That’s why you’re writing me. Because you want to know what to do concerning this serious tragedy, which has left you confused and alarmed. You’re all torn up by the fact that you’re going to have a fun fling, rather than a long-term relationship.
There are thousands – scratch that, hundreds of millions – of men who would love to have just such a problem. Sweaty, lonely dudes with bad facial hair, who would love to have a no-fuss no-muss 30-day relationship. Now, I understand that this scenario you’ve landed in isn’t necessarily what you wanted, 100%. But you have two choices: Either you can enjoy it, or you can make a crazy decision, and reprimand her for not being 100% honest with you, by withholding your precious genitalia.
I suppose it’s mathematically possible that you’re in that tiny percentage of dudes who only go for extremely serious relationships. If so, respect, that’s cool. But if not, your problem doesn’t necessarily strike me as a real problem.
So she lied to you. Kind of. She sort of lied by omission. And that’s bad. People shouldn’t lie, generally. It’s one of the fundamental moral rules of civilization for a reason. And I’ve no idea why this girl lied. Maybe she was afraid that when she told you concerning the relationship’s expiry date, you wouldn’t have already been interested. She really wanted you, and she was ready to skew the facts just a little to obtain what she wanted. (That is kind of nice, in ways.) But, ultimately, I cannot read her mind, and neither can you. Whatever you know is that she lied. And good relationships aren’t built on lies, and you also shouldn’t accept them from your own serious partner.
But this girl is not a serious partner. This is not the person you are going to marry, probably – you don’t need to lay the architecture for a life of unity. And that means you have a selection here: either suffer for the principles, or just opt for the flow, and also have a fun time.
Do not get me wrong, I am aware where you’re via. Completely. Occasionally, most of us have the desire, even yet in serious relationships, to win. We wish what we want, and when someone denies our very specific desires, we get super angry. And we wreck a great time with someone cool since it doesn’t correspond with the shining ideal of relationship perfection we’ve developed in our minds.
There’s actually a good example of this from my very own life, because I’ve dated a whole lot, so I’ve done everything wrong ever. Hannah was most likely the first person I ever fell deeply in love with. Since I was a teenager, I’d basically fall in love with any woman who paid me the slightest bit of attention. But, looking back, Hannah was fantastic, and very worth falling in love with. She was out-of-my-league beautiful, and totally whip-smart. So smart that she was taking off to the Sorbonne at the end of the summer during which we met.
What I wanted was for her to worship me forever. What she wanted was a set of fun summer memories. She didn’t make it clear to me at first, but she wasn’t interested in a long-distance relationship , because studying at the Sorbonne is, like, hard, and she didn’t want to be distracted. And I just couldn’t deal with it whatsoever. Because she wasn’t fulfilling all of my relationship stipulations, I was unhappy.
We had beautiful summer nights together – smoking cigarettes on a beach, riding buses late at night to nowhere in particular, borrowing and nearly wrecking her father’s convertible together – all the good teenage stuff. But occasionally, I’d throw a tantrum and flail my arms and tell her about how we were meant to be together. Which was a major bummer. It made me unhappy, and it made her unhappy too. This was an idiotic thing to do. If you saw this girl, you’d agree. Because I was too stubborn to let go and enjoy our love affair, even if it was bittersweet, I tarnished it. And I regret that immensely.
Don’t be like me. (At the very least not in this respect. You need to wear Allen-Edmonds and do not drive drunk, when i do.)
Since I’m being paid by the term, and I’m a good guy, I’ll inform you that there’s a more substantial lesson here, aswell. Which is that you need to care what your relationship appears like, but not an excessive amount of. Unfortunately, relationships contain several people – each making use of their own desires, preferences, and fears. And you’re never, ever likely to find a person who matches up with you perfectly atlanta divorce attorneys case. Even though you do, they change, therefore do you, which means that your desires diverge. Maybe she starts wanting kids despite the fact that she said she didn’t. Perhaps you get fired from your own big-time job, and you also can’t afford fancy dinner anymore.
And you will approach these exact things in two ways. You can find upset, break up, embark on a bunch of online dating services , and desperately try to find someone who won’t offer you conflict of any sort, or you can test and accommodate your partner’s differences, and see when you can live with some sort of relationship you wouldn’t necessarily have chosen otherwise.
That’s true in this instance. You wanted something out of this girl. You didn’t get it. But she can give you something else. Either you can accept it, or you can throw it away. It’s your choice.

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