She Doesnt Want A Relationship

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’ve been hooking up with this girl and she’s amazing so I want to date her but she keeps saying no, I don’t want a relationship. We have great sex, and when we talk we have so much in common. We’re both agnostics who were raised religious (me Orthodox Jewish, her Catholic) by terrifying mothers. We like the same movies, the same bands and even the same painters. We have great flirty banter. What the hell is missing? What do I do here? How do I incept her into thinking we ought to date full-on? I’m going crazy.
– Hung Through to Hookups
The Answer
If someone lets you know I don’t want a relationship at this time,” trust me when I say that they are lying. Oh, they need a relationship alright. They want someone with whom they could walk, together, down Annoying Couple Lane, stopping briefly before Couple Selfie Ice-Cream Shop, so they can take photographic propaganda about how exactly beautiful their monogamous comfort is strictly.
What they mean is actually, I don’t want a relationship with you. Although I don’t dislike you, I cannot stand you quite enough that I’m considering quitting the passionate sex I’m also having with Steve, the philosophy Ph.D. I’m inexplicably attracted to. Instead of have the tender gift of your respective tender love, I’ll have shallow relationships with three other men, or with my vibrator simply.” I wish I wasn’t normally the one delivering this bad news, but I’m, so there it really is.
But Dating Nerd ,” you might retort, she actually carries a really good cause of being uncoupled at the moment – she’s still dealing with the death of her father/dog/husband/MacBook, so she takes a massive amount alone time.” This may be true. Nonetheless it doesn’t mean there’s nobody she’d maintain a relationship with – it just means that her standards undoubtedly are a bit higher at the moment. Her dude-detection device is defined to the only real the most effective guy ever” setting, because she’s emotionally vulnerable and can’t tolerate any subpar B.S. In the event that you were an especially valued gentleman, she’d date the hell out of you. Exactly like the way you could enjoy at least three bites of some grade-A prime rib even when you weren’t whatsoever bit hungry.
Why doesn’t she want you exactly? I’ve no idea. Maybe you’re too fat. Maybe you’re too thin. Maybe you’re just too proficient at sex, and her multiple orgasms make her Catholic guilt come roaring back. (Obviously, that last one may be the probably scenario.)
So, my advice is very simple: You should probably give up on the idea of dating this person immediately. In fact, you should just hook up with somebody else probably. While starting up with someone else won’t guarantee that you will get over your elusive love object, it can supply you with a 100% potential for getting laid. But that is candy-ass advice pretty, because I know you will not follow it – at the very least without another few paragraphs of persuasion-because you’re probably in too deep already.
Reader, as any non-virgin with a functioning heart can let you know, there is no such thing as casual sex with somebody you truly care about. Sure – in the brief moment, if you are vigorously thrusting away , you might lose yourself in the easy pleasure of everything, but, the moment ‘s over, you will be wondering why she isn’t holding your hand. You will be anxiously awaiting the lonely hours to do all of the boring crap of everyday activity – navigating noonday traffic, or buying cereal – while wondering what’s so wrong with you that she’d rather pick her very own loneliness over hanging out with you.
Eventually, your feelings grow a whole lot more extreme, while hers remain unchanged, until hanging will be the most pleasant torture ever devised out, where you’re constantly straining to impress her with your totally contrived witticisms. Each and every time you make her smile, you’ll wonder whether that smile was the outward sign that she’s caving, that she’s decided that you’re the one man her terrifying mother won’t poison.
So I’m assuming this is often the sad situation you’re in. And now you’re wondering the method that you might transform it around. Maybe you’ve been browsing pick-up artist forums, looking for weird hypnosis techniques or bizarre one-liners-cheat codes, basically. If that’s the case, stop wasting your time and effort. This won’t work. This won’t cause you to instantly more attractive.
But Dating Nerd,” you may retort, exactly what will make me instantly more appealing? What’s the main one Weird Trick, which, if performed correctly, will minimize her from discarding me like a used condom?” Well, reader, it isn’t easy. However, you might make small gains with a nicer haircut or perhaps a new Maison Kitsuné jacket, that’s kid stuff. The true answer is, unfortunately, not what you’ve been doing. that is sleeping with this particular girl after she’s announced that she’s no intention of dating you. This smacks of desperation – that is minimal attractive thing there’s.
See, since she knows you truly desire to lock this down, each time you sleep with her, you’re telling her that her bod outweighs your requirements. She knows that every second you’re shelling out for giving her your very loving, well-practiced cunnilingus is another second you are not spending on finding a person who really enables you to happy. But you’re undergoing it anyway – so she knows she’s all of the power.
So, if you need a chance in hell of dating this presumably amazing woman ever, my advice actually remains a similar: Stop sleeping with her immediately. Immediately. Leave. Although abandoning the average person you’d prefer dating appears to be an odd dating strategy, it really is your only shot in hell as of this right time.
Consider my pal Jim. In the event that you saw him along with his wife, Hannah, you’d freak right out, because she’s just within an entirely different looks bracket than he could be. She’s a curvy, leggy marathon-runner with bright blue eyes and dark Rapunzel hair. And he’s… cute enough. You’ll immediately conclude that she’s out of his league. And some years ago, she would’ve agreed with you – she was sleeping with Jim on and off, because he’s funny and pretty good at sex, but, ultimately, she wasn’t interested in settling down with some schlubby guy who was following her around constantly. Not when she had a whole roster of handsome men who were also jumping through endless hoops for a chunk of her attention.
So he stopped following her around. He started seeing other people. He’d drop her a line now and again, but he stopped responding to her drunk texts, or simply said I’m busy.” And, one day, she messaged him out of the blue, saying, I miss you – the other men in my life are so predictable. Let’s hang out.” And he said, Only when I’m taken by you out for supper.” She did. Their wedding exquisite was. He’s never been happier.
I can’t supply you with a money-back guarantee that she’ll miss you if you are gone. But I could guarantee you are not doing yourself any favors – whether you wind up dating her or not – when you are a doormat. Say no Just. Bottom line, although that is gonna sting, it’ll provide you with a feeling of dignity – that is really more precious than excellent sex which makes you are feeling sad as hell.

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