Relationship Commitment 101

Back in the good old days, you’d meet your future spouse through friends, family, church, work, etc. – the horizon was a lot nearer. Carefree singles were a little less carefree, a little less far-sighted. Everyone was encouraging you to settle down and you had a limited pool to pick from. Find someone with straight teeth and a high school diploma and hot darn, if it wasn’t time to make babies.
In our era, you can look online for breeding partners the way you’d shop for consumer electronics, comparing brands, specifications and the latest models. Apps such as Tinder even enable you to specify what geographical radius you would like to search within, in the event you’re overwhelmed by the amount of potential partners in your town.
Also, remember that you’re a guy complaining about women not attempting to commit. Relatively recently – like 70 years back – it had been assumed that all any woman wanted was to become someone’s wife and start faithfully pumping out tiny new humans who didn’t resemble the milkman.
It’s for a little over half a century, out of 10,000 years of civilization, that mainstream thought has allowed for the possibility that a woman might want to prioritize her own self-development over the propagation of a man’s genes.
(Yes, this description of history is super general and crude, but it’s outside the purview of this romance advice column to thoroughly deconstruct the patriarchy.)
So while a man may sleep with as many women as possible and it’s a case of boys will be boys,” for a woman to have many partners – for her to test the diverse fruit that the 21st century dating cornucopia has to offer – means something different. It means something different in the context of history and society and it (probably) means something different to her.
None of which adds up to a whole lot of useful advice. I’m just trying to delineate the playing field, Andrew. Because the fact is, if you’re looking for a way to increase the likelihood a woman will want to go exclusive” with you, you’re hooped. The zeitgeist is not in your favour. The best you can do is show your true self and be the most genuinely open, available, considerate person you can be. If the two of you are meant to be together, it will work out.
A tip to avoid future disappointment, though: Let your partners know early on what you’re looking for; You don’t have to be all heavy about it. Bring it up following a handful of dates Maybe. I’ve really enjoyed learning you, it has been awesome, you’re a rad person and it’s really fun whenever we do romantic stuff together, such as sex, holding hands, etc, but before we again venture out, can we just discuss what we’re each looking for, and where this might go potentially?”
Or, if initiating that type of conversation feels weird (despite having I’ve presented you with a perfectly viable script), try this: As soon as you meet a woman you like in an even more than animal lust kind of way, avoid putting out. Don’t go home together that first night you meet in the bar or at that party. Don’t attach following a pleasant nights tapas and light conversation.
As a way to signal that you’re looking for greater romp beneath the duvet, postpone on sex. Let her know you wish to begin to build a relationship – even though it’s only over several dates – before bringing coitus in to the picture. Explain why, if you too have.
Hopefully she’ll be up to speed, in which case both of the opportunity is stood by you of commitment later on. But whether it’s all a touch too heavy, if she’d would rather keep things casual, it is a sign it is advisable to part ways. Keep your priorities clear and in the wild and you could avoid heartbreak later on hopefully.
Email Bryce your dating/love/sex/Tinder questions at [email protected]

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