Porn And Relationships

When it comes to watching porn, we get images of dudes using it to rub one out when their partner is not around. However, that’s incredibly short sighted. In reality, porn plays a really large role in our sex life, for those in a relationship, and those not – and a lot of it is quite positive.
1. Porn Can Enhance A Couple’s Sex Life (Or Destroy It)
Porn, like many things in a relationship, is really how you let it impact things, rather than how it WILL. Men tend to glean most of their sex education from watching porn and assume that their partner wants sex like that – for example hard and fast, constantly changing positions, plenty of anal and oral,” says sex therapist ​ Jacqui Olliver But this often isn’t the reality for their partner and may put them off having sex.
This can be a positive or negative influence in relationships depending on how it is used. There are a lot of men who become dependent on this kind of stimulation to such a degree that they become unable to respond to intimacy with their partners,” says Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love
Often these kind of situations lead to female partners feeling abandoned and resentful of their partners porn use. Conversely, some couples choose pornographic titles that are stimulating for both of them and get both turned on and new ideas to bring into their own love making. If you are using porn to replace intimacy with a partner this may well be a sign of bigger trouble,” says Strgar.
2. You Need To Have A Conversation About Porn
It’s important to have a conversation together with your partner to comprehend what their real sexual preferences and tastes are. And do not assume your partner doesn’t want one to watch porn, says Olliver. Among my clients was upset with her husband for not telling her when he watched porn. Nonetheless it wasn’t for the most common reason. Why was she upset? As the considered him watching porn was an enormous turn on for her – which usually equated to great sex that night! Because they hadn’t had that conversation, he had assumed that his watching porn upset her. He had actually thrown all of his porn into the rubbish, trying to save his marriage!” says Olliver. Clear communication is key.
Porn can be used to stimulate a relationship, but when porn is used as a substitute for intimacy with your partner, then it may be sabotaging the relationship, not helping it. If porn makes one partner feel unloved, undesirable, not pretty or handsome enough, or not young enough, then porn can jeopardize intimacy. No one can compete against the objects they see on the porn screen, and they shouldn’t have to compete against them. If the person is increasing their time watching porn, then it can become addictive,” says relationship and addiction expert Thomas Gagliano author of The Problem Was Me and Don’t Put Your Crap in Your Kid’s Diaper.
Remember, if the individual is spending a lot of time on porn then it is now time they may be spending making use of their family instead. Like all addictions, the individual may feel that they are able to control their porn. The truth is, the porn could be controlling them. If porn becomes an addiction, specialized help could be the solution. They may have to solicit the assistance of other like-minded individuals who thought they were in charge of their porn but discovered their porn was in charge of them. Much like all close relationships, the main element is communication. Both individuals have to share with one another the sensation that porn introduces for them. Is porn making either party feel defective, scared, inadequate? Feelings should be validated and both parties have to take action to greatly help another party feel important within their relationship,” says Gagliano.
3. Porn Gets Couples Talking
Whether you like it, hate it, fear it or feel inspired because of it, the mere existence of porn generates meaningful and sometimes intense conversations. A number of the conversations that porn sparks in the couples I use include fantasies – what they like, dislike and daydream about, but additionally boundaries – what’s totally off-limits,” says Dr. Jess, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. Dr. Jess says it is also the best way to broach the issue of body image and body type, i.e. How they feel about their bodies and how they really feel about their partner’s bodies; often this creates an opening for positive communication and reassurance.” That’s not the end of it, though, Dr. Jess said porn can option the discussion re: positions you might want to try, sex acts (like anal sex, for instance), or how to (and how NOT to) talk dirty; words they like to hear in bed and words/phrases that turn them off
Porn can inspire couples to try new things, things they may have not known about, or were intimidated by previously – and that may be an amazing development for a stagnating relationship. One couple saw a woman spit all over he hands in a blow job scene and this is what inspired her to try using lube for oral sex. Another couple found that they were really turned on by the group sex scenes, but didn’t want to try it in real life – instead they take turns blindfolding one another and talking about group scenes,” says Dr. Jess.
4. Porn Can Help Embrace Experimentation
“Watching porn and the use of sex toys is no longer a taboo or unspeakable act. The media and entertainment industry, and advances in technology, have made the idea somewhat mainstream. Partners that used to feel the strain of separation from long distance now have options to not only communicate virtually, but interact by using connected sex-toys; everything is approximately constant communication and constant connections,” says Vincent Lee, Founder & CEO of vitafun , a high-tech masturbator brand. Bringing porn in to the bedroom definitely has its benefits, if done correctly. Given that both partners are completely open, honest, and feel safe, there may be benefits to watching and participating together. Porn might help individuals experiment to get new means of pleasuring themselves, or their partner. Using different toys and videos is definitely an outlet for partners to go over topics they may have already been hesitant to create up before. Given that both parties feel confident in sharing and exploring, porn might help couples revive their intimacy.”
5. Porn CAN PROVIDE You Confidence

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