Picking Up Women

Ahhh, summer. The season of sundresses, tans and half-naked bodies; where attractive humans emerge from their wintry dens and take to beaches and parks with gorgeous abandon.
Perhaps you are newly rid of your cuffing season partner, or maybe you’ve been single for a long period, but either way, many men see summer as an opportunity to meet single women. Rooftop parties and subway rides expose you to a steady stream of babes, one of whom may just become your new girlfriend if you roll out the right lines to woo her.
Except there’s a small problem: Women don’t want you to hit on them in public.
Sure, some women may not mind being approached when they’re out and about – or at the very least tolerate it quietly – but there is a growing groundswell of women pushing back against being hit on in public areas. This past year, anti-street harassment organisation Hollaback! produced a viral (and controversial ) video exposé of a female being relentlessly catcalled as she walks through NEW YORK while being secretly filmed, and women are needs to call these so-called compliments ” what they are really: catcalling and street harassment Instead of feeling flattered, women report feeling uncomfortable and unsafe if they are approached in this manner, and once and for all reason Women have spoken up loud and clear about our preferences, and it’s really clear given that men approaching us in public areas spaces with romantic or sexual motives is nearly always unwanted.
However, there is a disconnect here between what women want and what men think about as normal behavior and encourage among themselves. Women don’t generally venture out in public to be hit on; we go out so that we can run errands or meet up with friends for coffee. When we’re wearing headphones or carefully selecting ripe fruit, we’re clearly signaling that we’d prefer to be left alone, and if you sidle up to us anyway despite these visual cues, then you’re exposing to us your disregard for our boundaries. Somehow, though guy culture still internally reinforces the idea that attractive women are to be approached at any available opportunity (“Go on man, she’s hot! Go talk to her!”), and many men haven’t noticed the discomfort and anxiety this causes women. In short, we’re at complete cross purposes.
When a woman asks for full-fat yogurt in a grocery store, she is not looking for you to show your abs and say “want this, gotta eat right.”
Of course, most men mean well and simply want the opportunity to start up a conversation with someone they find attractive, and we understand that. But as women, we have the right to leave our homes without every idle bus ride or dash to the corner store turning into an unsolicited singles mingle – and running commentary while we conduct our affairs (Hey babe, can I get a smile? What’s that book you’re reading?”) is tiresome and unwelcome. While any one of those comments seems harmless in isolation, they pile up over the course of a day, leaving us feeling like prey; drained, uncomfortable and exposed.
Guys, regardless of what pickup artists say or what your buddies are pushing you to do, the jig is up: Public approaches need to be phased out, and fast. They make women feel unsafe, and they don’t result in dates. In short, nobody wins.
This leads to an obvious follow-up question: How are guys supposed to meet women, then? And surely there are several women who wish to be approached? Of course you can find, and the answer is easy: Approach women who’ve put themselves in dating environments.
With the powers of modern tools, this is simply not at all difficult, and an incredible number of women are very literally close at hand. Internet dating sites and apps like Tinder and OkCupid are ubiquitous, free and require bit more of you than usage of a smartphone and some flattering pics. Women on these sites have explicitly put themselves forward to be interested in dating. Needless to say, they will have no obligation up to now you in particular, and you are still at risk of rejection, but a polite and well-thought out approach will be welcome even if you don’t ultimately hit it off.
Millions of women are using dating sites and apps, and there’s no shortage of options and users: Tinder, for example, achieved over 1 million monthly active users in less than a year from product launch, and within 30 months, it reached 24 million monthly active users Your potential success rate here is so much higher than hitting on women in public, it’s not even close, and when the internet isn’t your thing, you may still find IRL options such as for example speed dating. and perhaps even the club
Bars and clubs have a tendency to operate as semi-dating environments, for the reason that some single women do hit the club for the precise reason for meeting attractive strangers, and these women could be more available to being approached in those environments than at the fitness center, say, or the supermarket. Not all women visit the club for this function though (some just want a particular date with girls), so use some typically common sense and browse the visual cues accessible to you. That girl who’s avoiding eye contact and using her friends as human shields to block your approach? Leave her alone. The main one who’s half-smiling at you from over the bar while attempting to make adorably conspicuous sex eyes at you? Go and say hi.
MUST I start carrying a bag of dog treats so if aNOTHER man stops me to state “I love tall women” and talks about me expectantly, I’m ready?
The ease and access of internet dating has made approaching ladies in public for romantic or sexual purposes redundant, and guys is now able to date folks from well outside their usual circles with unprecedented ease. There’s really no excuse for hitting on ladies in transit or public spaces anymore, and women have expressed an obvious preference to be left alone in those settings. Fortunately, internet dating has gifted both men and women an easy win-win: All you need to do is leave alone the women who would like to be left alone, and meet the women who actively want to be met.

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