Night Tinder Hookup, From A Girls Perspective

Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. I’ll admit it right now – I’m not the biggest fan of Tinder As far as hooking up goes, I’m a believer in the five-second rule – as in, when I meet someone I know within five seconds whether I’m going to sleep with them or not.
Finding someone on Tinder, meanwhile, takes a lot longer than five seconds. First there’s matching, then conversation, then drinks, which I either suffer through or maybe enjoy, and then… sex, if I like the guy? It’s so much work! But I’m home for the holidays. It’s been two weeks since I got laid and I’m desperate to be touched.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Here’s a promising candidate: He’s 30, a middle school teacher, lives downtown. He’s super-liked me, which, like, thirst alert? But from the looks of his photos, he’s pretty cute. Swipe right.
He messages me immediately: Hey, how are you?”
I like to show up late to dates so I can scope out the vibe and/or ghost if I need to. (Don’t judge.) I spot my Tinder date in a booth in the corner, drink already in hand. Hmm. Taller than I expected – nice. But… not as cute.
I squint at him from across the bar, knowing he hasn’t seen me yet. He’ll do.
Hey, I’m Cat,” I say, sliding into the seat across from him. He introduces himself and I order a beer. I never get coffee with Tinder dates, just drinks; I’ve found I have to numb my judgement just a little if I ever need to get laid.
Finished . about Tinder is it’s totally artificial. Unlike meeting people at parties or through friends, a Tinder date doesn’t offer you much common ground to work off. You’re just two different people in the world looking to get a little action. There’s the tricky problem of attraction itself – like I said before, I rely on the five-second rule. At a party, you always have the choice of continuing to talk to someone or moving on to someone else. On a Tinder date… you’re trapped by social niceties. Your options are stay and try to hit it, or constitute some excuse and leave.
Our conversation is okay. I’m already bored but I must say i have to get my clit touched therefore i slurp my beer and nod along from what he says. Then, obviously, he starts telling me about his ex-girlfriend for no reason literally.
Ohmigod, that’s very hard,” I empathetically say. Tell me about it.”
Sometimes I find myself acting as a therapist to my Tinder dates.
We’re making out at his place while hearing Grizzly Bear, it feels as though things are actually going just about also. He’s a fantastic kisser. Over time, he starts rooting in my panties around, that i take being an indicator to whisper in his ear.
Wanna grab a condom?” I ask.
I… don’t possess one,” he says.
Dude. Seriously?
Dude. Seriously?” I say.
I didn’t really plan ahead,” he says, looking just like a sad puppy just. Sorry.”
-kay. The urge is fought by me to roll my eyes.
But I really do wanna go down you truly,” he says, and I improve at that.
So it’s reached by him, and it’s… good. Really, excellent. He’s spectacularly enthusiastic, eating me out like it’s his last meal on earth. It practically makes up for the no-condom gaffe. I come like twice and he seems pleased with himself.
We cuddle for a little bit – I’m high on oxytocin, so I don’t mind – but soon it’s time for me to leave. Our parting is awkward, more so for him than for me. I’ve gotten exactly what I wanted. I’m not sure if he knew what he wanted or if he got more than he bargained for.
Hey, thanks. I had a good time,” I tell him.
Are you in town much longer?” he asks me.
Sure,” I say. Text me sometime.”
But as I leave his apartment I know, as we both know, as everyone knows, that we won’t see each other again. A transaction has been made, one that can’t be repeated nor undone. We’ve exchanged something, however imperfect, but its life is short – it has to be. Just a few hours. Sufficient time for each folks to find the attention we are looking for through whatever channel we’re able to. I’m not being sad concerning this. Honest Just.

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