My Partner Has A Problem With My Bisexuality

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown really. What we can say for certain is that he is actually, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Dear Dating Nerd,
I’m writing to you about a relationship issue I’m dealing with right now that I don’t know how to handle. My girlfriend and I have been together for five months. It’s been really good so far. We have good chemistry and great sex and honestly it’s been a lot of fun. However something happened a few weeks ago that’s been bothering me and lately I feel like I’m not sure if I want to stay in the relationship. I’ve never dated a guy, but I’ve known since I was a teenager that I’m not 100 percent straight, and the idea of hooking up with another guy at some point is definitely appealing to me.
I mostly watch straight porn, but I’ve had crushes on guys I understand before without functioning on them. Anyway, i just was speaking with my girlfriend and I mentioned that I came across Ryan Gosling pretty hot. Suddenly she said, You are not turning gay on me, are you currently?” I acquired really flustered – I wasn’t expecting her to state something like that. She’s several gay friends therefore i know she’s not super homophobic, but looking back onto it, she’s said ever-so-slightly homophobic things several times since we met up, and I’m concerned about what she’d think about me if she knew what my actual sexuality is. What must i do?
– Bisexual Billy
Billy,
Your situation is really a tough one, as well as your letter depends on a troubling double standard with regards to bisexuality (or anything between your straight and gay ends of the spectrum).
We expect men to choose a member of family side and keep at it, and we spurn, punish, erase, and ignore the ones that don’t. Women, however, are allowed all sorts of middle-ground dalliances. The normal straight guy will be totally fine with a female partner setting up with an other woman occasionally, and would like to even watch or participate probably, too. However, if he were to add with another man, which could cause an uproar.
Unfortunately, it seems like you’re embroiled in this double standard. Your girlfriend clearly doesn’t find homosexuality to be bad – she just doesn’t appear to want one to have anything regarding it. She was probably raised with a particular vision of masculinity in her head, and the thought of you deviating from that by expressing desire towards another man is something she’s having difficulty understanding. Unspoken in your message may be the fear that she may split up with you if she knew you’re bisexual. To be completely honest with you, that could be the full case.
As difficult as this example must feel to suit your needs, from my perspective, it is just a simple one pretty. You should tell her. And the sooner, the better.
Good relationships are founded on trust, honesty, and communication As of this right time, it seems like you’re having failing in those departments. You don’t trust that she’ll handle your revelation well, which means you aren’t communicating with her about it. Holding your true feelings is edging into dishonest territory back.
Speaking with somebody about something personal such as this is always likely to be scary. The theory that you could undo five months (or even more) of fun times, romance, and good sex with a straightforward sentence is really a pretty terrifying prospect. If you are going to stay static in this relationship long-term (moreover, to be able to stay static in this relationship long-term), it is advisable to confront difficult conversations such as this by, well, having them.
Right now, you are feeling trapped – that is why you’re writing if you ask me. Just how out isn’t over, under, or around this difficult conversation , it’s through it. You need to face the possibility that your girlfriend will choose her prejudices over you, because if you don’t, how will you ever know which is more important to her?
There are two main outcomes here. First, you come out to her and it goes well. Sometimes, what a person needs to overcome a prejudice is being told their prejudice can hurt someone they care about. She realizes she was wrong, she’s glad you told her, she gives you the opportunity to talk about how to feel more comfortable, and you approach your own future together together coping with things.
Another outcome badly is that it goes. There are many negative ways she could react, but what counts most is how her reaction enables you to feel here. Whatever she says or does, can you feel supported and appreciated genuinely? If not, then it could be wise that you ought to consider whether she’s someone you truly want to stick with. Sure, you’ve had a small number of good months together, but this whole time she was dating a version of you it doesn’t actually match with who you truly are.
You shouldn’t wish to hide your sexuality or feel guilty about it. There are people out there of all genders and orientations who would be happy to date a bisexual guy. If she can’t respect that aspect of you, she’s not the proper person for you personally. Simple as that.
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