Is Jealousy Healthy In A Relationship SOME TIPS ABOUT WHAT An Expert Says

It goes a little something like this: You notice that her ex liked one of her Instagrams, and your mind starts racing with suspicions. Or maybe, you think she’s eyeing some guy across the bar, and you instantly feel threatened. Her constant mentions of her male co-worker could even cause you to scroll through their text conversation to reassure yourself that there is nothing going on between them.
Whatever the trigger, when jealousy starts rearing its ugly head – and boy, could it be ugly sometimes – you can’t help but wonder if your reactions are normal. Isn’t it healthy to feel a small amount of jealousy in a relationship? In the end, one might say that jealousy shows just how much you value your lover as you fear losing them. As well, however, jealousy can indicate deep-seated insecurities and trust issues – both of and this can be detrimental to a relationship.
Where Does Jealousy RESULT FROM?
So that you can differentiate between healthy and unhealthy jealousy, it is important to first understand the foundation of this feeling.
Jealousy is generally a perception you are lacking what another person has, is, or does,” explains Klapow. It is a perceived scarcity in addition to the desire to have everything you observe.”
He continues, noting how jealousy sometimes is due to an internal belief you are somehow inadequate – whether because of your intelligence, job, income, appearance, a variety of those factors or another factor altogether.
Whenever we experience jealousy, we have been essentially saying we have been not quite happy with ourselves,” he says. Feelings of insecurity and internal angst about who you’re can drive you right into a state where you’re at risky for feeling jealous at any moment.”
Let’s understand that jealousy is not a fresh concept. Many sociologists and psychologists, actually, have deemed jealousy an evolutionary developmental necessity It’s believed that cavemen experienced jealousy as a mate retention strategy Exactly the same could possibly be said today, too. In a relationship, you often experience jealousy as a reply to the risk of losing the individual you’re with. For instance, when you observe that your girlfriend has been approached by a stylish guy at a celebration, it could trigger an instinct that you part of. Why? Deep down, there is a fear he might steal her away. Again, this is often tied to insecurity. If you didn’t perceive that guy to be a threat, you may not have felt that primal urge to march over and make your presence known.
Is Jealousy Healthy in a Relationship?
Here’s the good news: Klapow says jealousy can be healthy – but it ultimately depends on the type of it.
An extremely small dose of jealousy will keep each partner striving to be their finest as individuals,” he explains. So, if jealousy has experience by someone because their partner is in better condition, a far more successful job, etc., then that jealousy might encourage another partner to shoot for self-improvement.”
Still, Klapow warns that there surely is an excellent line between just a little productive jealousy and the detrimental kind. Jealousy is quite volatile and will easily create strife and competition in a relationship between partners, and ultimately result in feelings of resentment,” he adds. And when the jealousy relates to another person, it could lead to diminished rely upon the relationship.”
HOW WILL YOU Tell If Your Jealousy Is Unhealthy?
The simplest way to find out if your jealousy is becoming unhealthy, in accordance with Klapow, is to measure the degree to which it consumes your ideas and actions.
When you are frequently suspicious of one’s partner (without real reason behind it, for instance a prior indiscretion), jumping to negative conclusions if they don’t text or call you back immediately, or being tempted to snoop within their phone, email, etc. (or directly functioning on it), those are potential signs of unhealthy jealousy.
Jealousy should feel for the most part such as a little twinge of discomfort,” he says. It will not dominate your existence. If it can, you may expect problems in the partnership.”
SO WHAT CAN You Do About Unhealthy Jealousy?
Once you’ve realized your jealousy is unhealthy, you do have the energy to avoid it from wreaking havoc on your own relationship. It’s especially imperative to acknowledge those feelings before functioning on them.
Very often, the knowledge of jealousy can make emotions that drive us to misperceive and misinterpret the problem,” explains Klapow. We are able to exaggerate our perceptions and whatever we have been jealous over.”
Next time you are feeling jealous, make your feelings recognized to your partner. Once you talk about what you’re jealous about, Klapow stresses how imperative it really is to take action in a non-confrontational manner. If your lover feels attacked or like you’re accusing them of something, they’re more likely to become defensive – and at that point, the conversation may escalate, rather than being calm, rational, and productive.
You may find that your jealousy fed its own reality, and created a situation that feels very real to you, but isn’t necessarily accurate,” adds Klapow. Talking to your partner about the jealousy can give them an opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings, and either enable you to understand more clearly what’s actually going on or help them understand how their actions are having an impact on you.”
Talking about it may feel vulnerable or weird at first, but having a chance to calmly discuss it before your mind starts jumping to the worst possible conclusions is key. The more you acknowledge your jealousy, the better you’ll be able to rein in those fears before they get the best of you. Once you’ve vocalized your jealousy, you and your partner can determine how to help each other in minimizing those negative feelings. For example, if it bothers you that she’s been staying out late drinking with one of her guy friends, that’s something she should know before it triggers your jealousy to spiral. If you’re feeling jealous about comments on her recent social media posts, bringing that up to her gives her a chance to reassure you before you start believing those anxiety-fueled assumptions.
At its core, jealousy is a complex and universal emotion. However, if you consider that jealousy usually stems from feeling threatened, the question becomes: What’s preventing you from feeling secure in your relationship? Is it your partner’s behavior, or is it your personal feelings of inadequacy or difficulty trusting others?
A small amount of fleeting jealousy from time to time is completely normal and understandable – no matter how chill you are, you’re likely to feel those pangs on occasion. But when jealousy begins driving your behavior and actions as a partner, it’s time to start cutting off those toxic thoughts at the source.
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