The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I have a weird issue. So, I’m really handsome, like, objectively, classically handsome. This isn’t me bragging, it’s just the facts. Everybody has been telling me this forever, and I believe them. And that means I meet a lot of women who are interested in me. But I can’t seem to hold onto any of them. My relationships don’t work. And I’m wondering if my looks are at fault somehow, like, if the women I date are intimidated by my good looks, or something. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s the only reason I can think of. Am I too good-looking?
– Handsome Hank
The Answer
Hi Handsome Hank,
Nope. You can’t be too good-looking. That’s really, really silly. Almost every certain section of your daily life is improved by your perfect bone structure. You might make additional money, be studied more by your peers seriously, and become rewarded for the genetic luck generally. Greater than sexism or racism even, our society is ruled by looks privilege. Those social individuals who are attractive receive nicer behavior, period.
However. It’s definitely true your dating life is experiencing your looks in several techniques aren’t entirely obvious, and could incorporate some downsides. And these factors are likely invisible for you personally, because you’ve never lived living of a man with an even more typical amount of handsomeness. You’ve never watched a lady you discover attractive flee you for an even more photogenic person. However, I’ve, therefore i could probably here provide some perspective.
So, one thing that you may not want noticed is that being good-looking changes the properties of one’s dating pool a lot, together with its size. See, normally, people have a tendency to attract people who have pretty similar hobbies and values. People who visit a complete large amount of comedy shows have a tendency to meet others who loaf around comedy bars, and they also hit it off, given that they have much to go over too, and a shared love of life is effective really. If you’re a professor, you might be attractive to women who find intellectualism impressive, plus your relationships with them may have an inherent depth, because you’ll share certain life priorities. Etcetera.
However, you’re a Grade-A hunk of handsome, so you attract handful of every band of women. We know Once, women are people, and people are shallow usually. So, if you meet someone at a bar, or on a dating app , who doesn’t find your personality or priorities all that interesting, they will be somewhat intrigued by you. Physical attraction could make people seem fascinating if they’re not. When you have been totally entranced by using a quiet ever, beautiful woman, sure she’s concealing secrets that could change your life, you then know what I’m discussing. And you have, and that means you do.
Basically, you’ve got a universal enter a relationship free” card. However, engaging in a relationship doesn’t imply that you can stay static in a relationship. Looks are actually great, however they can’t sustain a romance forever. After lust and novelty fade, you will need something to hold onto in order to keep a relationship going-some type of shared context, or compatible goals, or whatever.
What all this means is you are probably starting relationships that wouldn’t exist in the event that you weren’t so good-looking. Your dating pool is super distorted. You’re meeting many people who are thinking about your jawline, and nothing else. This is the nice problem to possess, but it is, actually, an issue, if what you are considering is really a relationship with depth and longevity.
Fortunately, the solution here’s simple. You need to start rejecting people, where I mean, you need to start being more discerning. Don’t day women because they’re drawn to you. Day women in the event that you see yourself having another with them. If you are an opera fan, find other opera fans. Find women that are relatable.
But that’s not the one thing to take into account here. There’s something a lot more important that you may be neglecting. Which is that it is possible your looks have made you complacent. Why will become clear easily talk, again once, about my very own experience.
So, like the majority of guys, I’m a bit weird-looking. Like, I’m cute enough, but, on my good days, I’m a good 7.2/10. Because of this I’ve had to work pretty hard to be appealing to women. Needless to say, you can’t do much about your physical attractiveness , but what little I could do, I’ve done: I’ve a good wardrobe, I keep my shoes shined, and I get nice haircuts. But, moreover, I learned how exactly to be a fascinating person, because easily wasn’t an interesting person, I wouldn’t have a chance in hell of dating attractive women. And I learned this the hard way: by being alone for a lot of years when I was younger.
Learning how to be an interesting person” might sound like a weird concept. But it’s not. Being interesting isn’t an inherent property. It’s a skill. It’s the art of taking your natural eccentricities and passions and learning to communicate them to other people. It’s becoming a good conversationalist, and learning how to be comfortable with your sense of the absurd. And, finally, it results from accruing interesting life experiences that give you new perspectives, and a more nuanced sense of what it’s like to be alive.
Chances are, you haven’t had to do this. The natural thing to do, if you’re a super good-looking man, is to just let people come to you, and bask in your pleasant existence. But, while that’s a great short-term attraction strategy, it’s not an excellent long-term attraction strategy. Generally, you will not have the ability to keep a fantastic woman considering you if you fail to make her laugh, or think, or surprise her somehow. She’ll get bored, and discover someone interesting, or, worse, someone who’s both attractive and interesting.
But don’t get discouraged. That’s highly fixable. You will discover with regards to a million routes to being a more interesting person. And they also all fall roughly under the same guideline: Interesting individuals are people who are considering stuff, so you should become more considering your own life. Is it possible to have funny thoughts generally? Learn how to say them so that they amuse other people aloud. Thinking about politics, but ever really pursued that interest hardly? Volunteer for a campaign, and see what that explains. Do you think you’re athletic? Push yourself even harder-participate in a few absurd athletic event, or do some crazy CrossFit class. Do more unusual stuff, and, naturally, you’ll become more unusual.
Ultimately, all this advice boils right down to the next: Ignore your visual appearance. Enjoy the proven fact that they exist, but don’t take them for granted. Do what a lot of people do: Discover what your place on earth is, and then learn whether you can find any women there.

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