Is I Dont Want A Gift JUST A Trap

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
Almost per year Me and my girlfriend have already been dating for, and I’m wondering easily must do something fancy for the anniversary. I’m on the fence. She’s a fairly casual girl. We weren’t dating exclusively for the initial half a year we were together. So when I asked her at one point whether she cares a whole lot about anniversaries and ROMANTIC DAYS CELEBRATION and things like that, she said she didn’t value it that much. Alternatively, my companion says I’m an idiot and that I will take action to mark the occasion. What do you consider?
– Doubtful Dave
The Answer
Hi Dave,
Yes, I believe your girlfriend want someone to do nice things for the anniversary. Needless to say, that’s an assumption, not just a statement of fact just. I cannot look inside your girlfriend’s heart. Maybe she genuinely doesn’t care. Maybe you’re the only real person who remembers after the anniversary even is. Maybe she’s pumped up about a chance to harvest your organs and sell them on the dark web. This whole question is email spam Maybe. I’m not paid to be psychic. I’m paid to see you what’s likely on.
And what’s likely on is that you can take your girlfriend on an excellent expensive date for the anniversary, or get her a specific present, or do anything aside from thinking you’re above may be found. Because, based on my experiences, every time a woman lets you know she doesn’t care that much” about special occasions, it’s type of a lie.
To become more precise, it isn’t a lie, exactly. It’s more of an understatement. In this instance, I don’t really value it” probably means I don’t require you to spend a million dollars on commissioning a blimp with my face onto it to sail through the sky, nevertheless, you should take action probably.” You won’t, like, give her permanent trauma if you don’t develop a considerate gesture, but she’d probably prefer one.
But, with techniques, if that’s really her preference, why wouldn’t she just tell me what she wants? This is often a good question, compared to that i’ve two answers.
First: Generally, women enjoy displays of commitment. You’ll be able to come up with lots of stories about why that’s, depending on what type of philosophical stance on gender you’re into. Maybe it’s some evolutionary psychology stuff about how precisely women are biologically predisposed to get strong providers. Or perhaps it’s lingering patriarchal gender role programming. Who knows.
For the purposes, though, we don’t should value the origins. We should just care about the reality on the ground. Consider engagement rings Do you consider engagement rings are essential because gemstones are inherently valuable? You don’t think it’s concerning the potential price appreciation of precious stones? No, needless to say not. This is a display of commitment, and it’s really meaningful because it’s expensive. You spent plenty of your hard-earned money on symbolic that says I’m not going to haul off and create a pass at that girl on the elliptical close to me at the fitness center tomorrow, as you really matter. ” That signal may be the important part.
And, on an inferior scale, doing something nice for a wedding anniversary is a signal, too. It’s a signal that you’re thinking about her, that you would like to surprise her with displays of affection, and, also, that you would like to publicly announce that she’s your favorite person. (If you don’t Instagram it, she probably will.)
So, here’s what that means: If she told you just what she wanted, it could decrease the quality of the signal. Sure, you’d be doing something on her behalf, but it will be something she’d instructed one to do. It’s obvious that’ll be a less impressive display.
Now, I can understand why hearing this may be annoying. Shouldn’t it be adequate that you’re only a good boyfriend ? Isn’t your devotion obvious as you show up each day, whether you participate in a number of these masquerades? Yes, in an ideal world. But we don’t reside in an ideal world. We reside in a dumb world, where we’ve all been programmed by our culture/biology to want somewhat arbitrary things. And, go on it from me: Even women who think anniversary displays certainly are a little dumb probably still want one to do the dumb thing. Or even for them, then simply for the fact that are going to in a position to tell their mom and their friends that you came through. This is a social phenomenon around it is just a personal phenomenon.
This brings us to the next reason that you ought to assume your girlfriend cares, despite the fact that she told you that it wasn’t that important.” That is that there’s a great deal of cultural pressure on women nowadays to be cool girls.” Y’know, like, not clingy,” that is to state, not obviously emotionally invested. It isn’t fashionable to say you want old-fashioned commitment, together with the old-fashioned trappings of it.
The millennial dating mode would be to say you’re casually dating” and you do not desire to put a label onto it” for roughly a million years, as you have in your relationship. So, your girlfriend may be afraid that when she says she likes the trappings of old-fashioned romance – like ROMANTIC DAYS CELEBRATION , or anniversaries, or public displays of commitment generally, or, oh, say, marriage – you’ll receive scared and try to escape. Presumably, since you’re asking this question, you wouldn’t be frightened of declaring your commitment. But she might not know that, or is probably not totally secure about it. Maybe she’s scared away past boyfriends by stating perfectly normal needs. (This happens to an astonishingly lot of millennial woman.)
Now, big caveat here. It’s possible, of course, for a female to hate big showy displays of affection actually. But those are outlier cases. And, if she was one of these brilliant outlier cases genuinely, your girlfriend would say I hate big showy displays probably, ” than saying rather, Yeah, it isn’t that important” with a faraway try her eyes.
Since you’re clueless relating to this, I’ll assume you are also unsure in what you should do for the anniversary. And, honestly, you can’t go too wrong with a good date plus some flowers. But anything you do is way better if it’s personal. If you get her flowers, get her the flowers she likes really, from the competent florist. (Ask a close friend of hers if you don’t know about her taste in flora – not only will you ace the selection part, but she’ll find out that you asked around about her tastes, which is a win.) Go to a restaurant she’s always wanted to try, followed by a drink at the bar where you had your first date.
You get the idea. You would like to show that you’re thinking about her specifically, not just doing a bunch of general stuff some Internet dating columnist told you to do.
Think you could use some dating help, too? Email the Dating Nerd at [email protected]

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