Is Benching THE BRAND NEW Ghosting

So you go on a date, maybe two, with a girl you matched with on Tinder Let’s call her Kelly. She’s cute, as cute as her profile pictures, or maybe even cuter. She dresses well, and has great taste in whisky bars. You make jokes and laugh and bond over liking the same sports team. And you kind of click.
But you don’t really. Not like you did with your ex, anyway. And there are a few other girls you’re trying to get with right now. You are not sure just how much of a go you have using them, but enough, you imagine, that getting serious with Kelly will be the wrong move at this time. Nevertheless, you don’t hate her – you may even be right down to kiss her again down the road. So than splitting up with her rather, or cutting off all communication ( ghosting ), you take action else.
You bench her.
It is a new term coined by writer Jason Chen in a fresh York mag article also it frankly describes a lot of what happens inside our current online dating culture. It’s once you decide you don’t desire to date someone complete, nevertheless, you like realizing that they are still into you, so you string them along by liking their pics and posts on social media marketing and occasionally texting or messaging them – without intention of ever actually following through and turning the low-key flirtations right into a real thing. They’re not off the team, they’re just benched.
Benching is only a thing that makes sense in today’s climate really. We have a wide variety of ways to interact, most of them reducing said interactions right down to nothing almost. Where once a letter would has been sent by you, or a contact, or perhaps a text to let someone know you’re interested in them in a mildly erotic way, it is possible to simply being an old Instagram selfie at 2 a now.m. and you’re ready.
In that context, you’ll be able to take just a second or two from your own day to provide a little, almost non-existent message to someone that, if they are still sort of hung through to you, they could spend hours and even days obsessing over, thinking about whether your feelings for them are for real, and what, if anything, they ought to do in response. Plus, if they call you on your own sly Instagram likes or casual “Hey, have a look at this Youtube video :)” texts, it is possible to plead innocence and insist that you weren’t actually, trying to flirt.
So is benching worse than ghosting, or perhaps a simple “I’m breaking things off” conversation? This will depend on the problem, really. If you’re carrying it out to someone who’s clearly into you and actively, intentionally stringing them along over an extended time frame, you’re a dick. When you are being a little friendly just, maybe out of a sense of guilt for not being as into them because they’re into you, it’s most likely not so bad, and if you’d anything together in the first place barely, the explicit “I’m not into you” conversation could possibly be seriously awkward and uncalled for. So play it by ear – but don’t become some stern college basketball coach and bench everyone around the corner.
Using the article, this whole benching thing is primarily something guys do – whether to guys they’re dating or girls they’re dating – instead of women. However, if you are like me, you’ve definitely gotten occasional, extremely low-key flirtatious messages from people you’d almost had a genuine thing with and wondered, “Is this happened? Or am I falling for the same kind of trick again just?”

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