Insane Poop Date Nightmare Story

The Story
The internet is screaming with delight right now due to a completely bonkers Twitter tale that went viral yesterday. A woman who goes by the name of @_blotty decided to regale her 15,000 followers with a peek into her dating foibles, and her story of a first date that quickly descends from a sexy good time into a modern-day epic of nightmarish horror.
Normally when someone starts off a story with “I have a story to tell. It is about my poop,” you should run for thie hills. This time, though? Hunker down and lean in close, cause this tale is truly something to behold.
The Snapshot
I have a story to tell. It is about my poop
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
So, yesterday I went on a date with a man who asked me out in the grocery store the other day. All was going well. I went back to his place
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I am a confident, calm and self assured woman…so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Properly. So, needless to say, like any calm, confident, self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
By this point, I was frantic because I have been in there for too much time really. There was only 1 single little bit of poop. So for the reason that brief moment
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Something came over me. And I knew what I had to accomplish exactly. I got wc paper and removed the main one poop from the bathroom .. That was done Once
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I realized I didn’t have an idea. What do I now do with it? I cannot fucking leave it there. By this true point I really was freaking out because
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
I’d DEFINITELY experienced there too much time. So, again, making another horrible decision. I did so the only thing I possibly could want to do. I wrapped it
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
In multiple layers of wc paper, and put it in my own purse
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Alright, so what now? We have been sitting there on his couch and kissing and all I could think of may be the piece of poop in my own purse
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Him: you’re so beautiful. The brief moment you smiled at me,u had me
Me: that’s really sweet
Me in my own head: I have a bit of my poo in my own purse
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
At this true point, I text my sister for advice /lMeX55iiH4
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
So, following a few hours he used the washroom also it was heard by me flush. I figured it had been fixed by him. Maybe not, but I have to take the opportunity. I must
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
Try to flush the poop. THEREFORE I brought my purse round the washroom. Unwrapped the poop, prayed to every god I am aware, put it in and flushed
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
By the grace of God, it worked. The poo flushed. I was free. I was in the clear. Everything will be okay. I survived.I’m a survivor
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
So that’s my story. A man, sat there telling me I’m the most amazing woman he’s ever met, being unsure of, 10 feet in my purse away, was my poop
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
That I’d fished out of his toilet…
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
That is embarrassing for me v. But seriously: dont drink coffee before a date, its better to be sleepy than to obtain to cover poop in ur purse
– misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016
The Lesson
No idea is had by me about you, when I finished reading that however, I was a whole new man. I’d experienced emotions I didn’t even know I had before, like I’d just discovered two extra toes on my right foot or something. Fact is, when you have been on a date ever, and you also have a digestive system within your body also, you might have had Poop Fears. Like: “Do I have to fart?” or “Did I just fart?” or “Dear God I cannot poop on the original date, i wish to hold it in only, please Jesus,” that type of stuff. There is close to nothing scarier in is dependent upon than someone you intend to bang finding out there is a body with poop within it. Discuss your first-date hookup don’ts

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