I BELIEVE My Girlfriend Is Cheating On Me

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown really. What we are able to say for several is that he is really, excellent at dating. He’s been on more dates than you’ll be able to shake a protracted bar tab at, and he’s here to help the normal guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Dear Dating Nerd,
I’m nearly sure how to say this… but I really believe my girlfriend is cheating on me. She travels a whole lot for work (to some other city a couple of hours away) and lately, she’s been telling me she is going to bed early when she’s on the highway that is totally not her style. When she’s home, she’s very obsessive and protective about her phone and always leaves it face down therefore the screen is covered. She’s been more distant lately, too, and we have been having less sex. I could sense that something is wrong and all of the above signs make me worried that she’s sleeping with other guys when she’s away. She has a pretty high libido so that it wouldn’t surprise me. What do I really do? Am I up making all of this? Is there a way I can spy on her behalf?
– Worried William
The Answer
Dear William,
You’re being met with among love’s worst moments. Personally i think for you personally. That fear your partner – your fellow soul – isn’t yours but somebody else’s is actually a pain that pierces the center. I wish I possibly could make all that disappear completely for you, but I cannot. There’s nothing I could write here that may immediately fix things. The only real people with this planet who is able to sort this out are you currently and your girlfriend. Here’s how:
You need to have a difficult conversation about your fears.
I know that’s not pleasant. You wrote to me looking for some kind of cheat code that would fix this whole situation all at once, but life isn’t that simple. The idea you could just solve this problem in a flash is pure fiction. You can’t just install some spyware on your girlfriend’s computer or steal her phone and read her messages because that’s not a solution. That’s a powerful, animal feeling of jealousy talking. It’s understandable, but it’s not healthy, it’s not useful, and it definitely won’t save your relationship
For starters, if you’re imagining everything, there’s really nothing more corrosive to a relationship than going and breaking the other person’s trust yourself. Would you stick with your girlfriend if she was constantly snooping during your messages racking your brains on in the event that you were cheating? Why would she forgive this kind of move ahead your part?
If she is cheating you actually , not only is stooping to her amount of distrust not likely to repair things, in addition, it will not leave you with as much moral high ground to stand on.
What you should do is sit using your girlfriend and discuss where your relationship reaches back. The fact remains, it sounds like you both aren’t happy. If you were, you should have talked to her about your concerns before instead of permitting them to worsen until now.
The travel situation you’re describing appears to be it may be tough on just about any also appears to be you’re having significantly less (or less passionate) sex than before because you’ve become stuck in a rut after a while. Those are items which you should be wanting to address, regardless of your suspicions.
So, here’s what you do: Tell her you’re worried about hawaii of the partnership. Tell her you imagine things haven’t been great lately, today and, you’re concerned that she’s not being fully honest with you for this reason fact. Ask her to spell it out for you personally the signs you’re concerned about. Come to her significantly less judge, jury, and executioner, but as her loving boyfriend. Act precisely how you’d hope she’d act if she were normally the one who was worried.
The signs you’re describing could mean an affair is going on, but they may be something else, or nothing almost. If things have been completely so tough lately that she’s questioning whether she’d like to stick with you, entering the conversation guns blazing won’t make her more inclined to generate it work.
Now, maybe she actually is cheating you actually, or has before, and is wracked with guilt. Around you’d think people may have learned their lessons from every movie and Tv program in history, these exact things still do happen. If a confrontation only leads to her doubling down on acting suspicious rather than acknowledging the validity of your feelings, it might be time to move on and find a relationship where you’re not panicking about little details every day.
Being in a relationship is more than just not cheating on your partner. It also means communicating openly and honestly, taking your partner’s concerns seriously, and doing your best to make them feel loved and emotionally secure. Whether she’s cheating or not, if she can’t do that, you deserve better.
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