How To Tell IF YOU ARE Her Winter Boyfriend

This short article was originally published by AskMen UK.
Christmas adverts appear to start earlier and earlier nowadays, don’t they? There is nothing such as a depressed bear guilt-tripping you into investing in a kettle to create in the panic to be alone this winter. Soon the Coca Cola advert will undoubtedly be on – the only real time once the less tolerant members of our society forget their usual anxieties of seeing a foreign man arrive on the trunk of a lorry – and fat, jolly Santa will undoubtedly be causing you to feel bad you do not have one to share a hungover diet coke with on Crimbo morning. It’s something you won’t ever thought you’d feel sad about until that overweight bastard arrived and suddenly holidays are coming” appears like a more sinister mantra.
It’s no real surprise, then, to get that singletons grab temporary partners for the wintertime period. It’s even got a name: cuffing In accordance with Urban Dictionary , it starts your day after Halloween and ends your day after ROMANTIC DAYS CELEBRATION. (November 1st to February 15th). And when this is is anything to put into practice, it generally does not sound cosy like Christmas morning:
“When finished with ulterior motives, it is the time women trick desperate men with romantic inclinations to obtain gifts and guys ‘date down’ to obtain gifts from desperate, grateful low hanging fruit.”
Or, more nicely put:
Through the Fall and Winter season people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”
I’m not sure of the origins of cuffing, but it doesn’t feel overtly positive, does it? Cuffing – like, handcuffed. Like handcuffed to each other for the cold months. Or maybe handcuffed to someone’s radiator like in the Saw movies – their emotional radiator, a winter prisoner, only to be set free once the first lamb cries.
Anyway, you could either be the cuffer or the cuffee – so if you’re thinking nah, not me,” cuddling closer on the loveseat in your matching jim-jams with your new beau, it’s possible that your girlfriend is fully aware of cuffing season, and she’s cuffed you right up. Here’s how to tell if you’re just her winter boyfriend
There’s some obvious damage control going on
It’s mid-September and you’re in a club. She comes up to you with some formulaic conversation. She’s laughing at that joke you saw on LadBible earlier in the day. I can’t believe she finds that funny!” you think. She doesn’t find it funny, trust me. She’s looked at the clock on her phone at least three times already and you’ve only been talking for five minutes. You’re in the middle of telling her about your mate who looks exactly like Jamie Vardy when she throws her head back laughing and says Oh my god, is that the time? My friends are probably waiting for me! Could you put your number in my phone? I’d love to hear the end of that James Hardy story!” She means Jamie Vardy. You mean Jamie Vardy!” you say, smiling. Yep. Just put it in there,” she retorts, tapping her phone screen impatiently over your shoulder as you hurry to put the number in. Thank you!” She squeals, running off to find her mates.
She always wants to do a Cheese Night”
In the lead up to Christmas, all girls want to do is eat cheese and drink wine with their slippers on. I would know – I am one, and I do this at all times. My boyfriend limits me to three cheese nights per winter period. Actual boyfriends get to impinge on how many cheese nights you’re allowed over the festive period, but you can’t.
See, you’re the temp, which means you don’t get a say. You’re in that stage where everything the other one does is adorable, even managing to eat a whole Boursin before the breadsticks have been presented. These nights always end with some type of game, like Rapidough. Rather than sexy Rapidough either, where every misjudged doughy creation ends with you naked and cheese atlanta divorce attorneys crevasse. No, you’re there purely to satisfy the requirements of a two-year relationship in the area of 6 weeks, like scoffing cheese, playing games and – needless to say – acting surprised when her favourite act goes home on X Factor.
She’s suddenly giving an answer to your text messages
Didn’t you think it was weird that she just replied Hahaha” to a message you sent ten months ago?
She’s using you for your fireplace
Oh dear. You’ve just uploaded a pic of your pooch in front of the fireplace in your living room to Instagram and the ladies have come a-flocking huh? Three heart-eye emojis, right? Telling you you’re dog is cute and oh, pray tell, what breed is he, right? They couldn’t give a flying fck if Charlie’s a Cockapoo, dear friend. It’s prime Instagram fodder. Right now all she’s got to work with is ‘Fireplace For Your Home’ on Netflix, and it’s simply not cutting the mustard.
You’re basically a walking coat hanger
You’ve braved the cold for a night out. She’s wearing a dress. You tell her Babe, it’s a bit chilly out.” You ask if she wants a coat. She does not want a coat. It is a sign that you need to put a few extra layers on. See, as soon as she gets outside, she’s going to want a coat. And she’s going to get one. Only, it’s going to be yours. So layer up lads, because waiting for a taxi at 4am in January in a Topman tee is no picnic.
Any talk about the future is off the table
If you so much as utter the words Antigua in June is supposed to be lovely,” you’ll be met with stone-cold silence. It’ll feel like it’s got a lot colder, but it hasn’t – that’s just all your muscles seizing up at the awkward length of her pause, before she smiles awkwardly and ushers you into wrapping all her mum’s Christmas presents a bit quicker.
When March comes around she’s gone

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