HOW TO PROCEED When She Flirts With Other Guys

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose identifying and whereabouts details remain unknown. What we can say for certain really is he is, good at dating really. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
Week I noticed a thing that sort of pissed me off another. I was out at a celebration with my girlfriend (we’ve been together about 6 months) and at some point I noticed her talking to another guy I didn’t know and they looked like they were really enjoying themselves. I went over and joined the conversation and it kind of calmed down. I didn’t say anything to her about it, but it made me realize that she always gets along great with other guys when we’re out socially together? How bad of a sign is that? Am I dating a future cheater? Can I ask her to stop flirting with other guys or will she just see me as a controlling psycho?
– Controlla
Hi Control Freak,
If your girlfriend is really flirting with another guy in front of you, you should probably take a deep breath, relax, then dump a truckload of poop on the guy’s lawn in the middle of the night and set it on fire. Better yet, find out where he works, and complain to his boss he won’t give your vibrator back.
That might be nice, wouldn’t it? After all, if which were my actual advice – you need to seek immediate comeuppance, even yet in the proper execution of a punch to the facial skin maybe. Lighting poop burning is satisfying pretty. Unfortunately, though, coping with this is issue is actually likely to require some emotional intelligence on your own part.
Which is challenging. Jealousy is powerful. It’s deep down in the lizard brain. It overwhelms our more refined emotions often. And it’s really stupid. Jealousy sounds like this: Johnny have sparkly toy I want so I take Johnny’s juice box.” Nevertheless, you’re a real grown-up big boy, and I believe you could let your jealousy go and really check out what’s going on. Which means taking a look at your own behavior first.
I want you to ask yourself a question honestly. You see her flirting with other guys. OK – but are you flirting with other girls , too? When you’re out at dinner together, are you making little quips at your hot waitress? At parties you attend together, does she see you trot out that special variety of charm you reserve for young women? Are you sure?
I’m not accusing you of anything. I presume that you’re not, like, telling her friends that you’ve never been to Japan, but you want to visit Japanties. But there’s a serious chance that you, yourself have an urge to charm attractive women, just as your girlfriend has an urge to charm attractive men. And that it leaks out now and then.
Which is normal. You’re a dude with a sex drive. And it’s also normal, if that’s happening, that you haven’t noticed. Basically everyone on earth thinks of their behavior as the normal stuff I normally do because I’m normal” and the noticeable behavior of anyone else as that weird thing that weird people do because they’re weird.” Being an intelligent human being involves transcending this, and considering whether other people might feel like you’re being a jackass.
So before you go off and accuse your girlfriend of anything, do consider the possibility that she thinks being flirtatious is OK because you’ve shown her that it’s OK.
OK. But what if that’s not true? Imagine if you behave such as a disgruntled dental receptionist with her attractive friends somehow, but she giggles happily at every dumb random dude’s dumb random joke?
I hate to say this, but that still doesn’t prove she’s doing anything wrong. Why? Well, everyone’s standards for behavior will vary. Consider the known proven fact that in certain elements of Utah, making strong eye connection with a woman you met in church will be tantamount to sending her a dick pic Think about the proven fact that, in Iraq, dudes hold hands, but never, ever discuss each other’s wives.
So maybe your girlfriend doesn’t think she’s flirting whatsoever. In the end, perhaps you have tried to define flirting ever? As when i can tell far, flirting is just getting together with someone in ways that’s semi-demi-sort-of-suggestive.” That’s ethereal as all hell. Maybe your girlfriend is merely really friendly.
Do not get me wrong. This won’t mean you must enjoy it. Just, please, don’t assume you understand what’s moving in your girlfriend’s mind. The planet would be a notably happier place minus the male tendency to believe that people men are Magical Pussy Psychics who is able to see directly into a woman’s mind.
Accordingly, if this is important to you, and you want to talk to your girlfriend about it, don’t start the conversation by saying, I’m tired of your flirtatious BS, act like a lady or it’s over.” Start the conversation by saying, Hey, listen, I don’t want to accuse you of anything, but could we talk about the way you tend to interact with dudes? Sometimes, it makes me feel kind of sketchy, and I wanted to know what you think about it.”
That conversation could actually somewhere get you. Maybe, at the ultimate end of it, she modestly starts behaving more. Or possibly, after it really is discussed by you, it really is realized by you isn’t this kind of big deal. It’ll be an awkward conversation likely. Nevertheless the road to a fantastic relationship is paved with awkward conversations. If you don’t confront your differences using your partner honestly – if you either lash out randomly, or become you’re cool with stuff you aren’t cool with – in that case your relationship will slowly become a mass of resentful unsexy garbage.
However. Because I’m suggesting that you be diplomatic, it generally does not mean you ought to be a pushover. Maybe your girlfriend happens to be being terrible. Sometimes, in life, you make an effort to empathize with someone’s screwed-up behavior, and whatever you end up with is really a deeper knowledge of how screwed-up it really is. Generally, I think, an excellent rule for relationships is assume you are not dating some type of crazy sociopath, but understand that it isn’t an impossibility.”
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So, carefully watch how your girlfriend reacts once you gently mention you are confused about how exactly she behaves with men. If she gets just a little defensive, that isn’t ideal, but it’s understandable. If she’s apologetic and agrees to speak about making it better, that’s amazing. There is a good woman on your own hands. Don’t mess it up.
However, it’s one more thing entirely if she turns you. If she gets mean – if she lets you know that she laughs at other guys’ jokes because they’re funnier than you’re. Or for anyone who is ordered by her to avoid being this kind of little bitch. That is a good sign that she knows precisely what she’s doing – that she knows she’s making you jealous, and she doesn’t care. That is a sign you’re dating someone who ignores your comfort and only as soon as gratification of giving several other dude a boner. Which is not a place you want to be. Incorporate some self-respect – have more respect by yourself than she has to suit your needs – and dump her immediately.

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