How To Handle A Relationship Argument

Sometimes in a relationship, you’re not sure how to phrase a delicate subject or tricky topic. Sure, saying almost nothing is easy, but preventing the subject doesn’t do anyone worthwhile. Awkward Conversations gives you a template for what things to say – and what not saying – and why, to help you have those difficult discussions without them turning out to be full-blown fights.
It’s the unsexy items that we shove beneath the rug. It is the day-to-day to be in a couple of: the partnership arguments that appear every once in awhile over insignificant things. About a minute, you’re discussing what movie you wish to watch, and another she’s letting you know that she doesn’t feel appreciated in the partnership. Yikes! Arguments, as every couple knows, can go 0-90 very quickly at all. Nobody really wants to be that couple yelling at one another in IKEA, so continue reading for some methods to tackle and defuse minor arguments.
1. Listen For ONE MINUTE
This sort of conversation is all too common.
Her: I promised we’d spend the vacation with my mother, though.
You: not listening Just make a justification. I’ll the store; what would you like?
Her: I hate how you act sometimes. You always desire to put yourself first.
You: Whoa, whoa. Where’s all of this via? Relax; you’re creating a fuss over something this trivial?
This is the sort of argument that may get ugly fast. You could be confused at why she’s reacting disproportionately, which is fair. You know a great way to clear up confusion? Listen. What’s she angry about, truly? In this case, she’s bringing up a problem she has – she doesn’t want to break a promise to her mother – and you’re being glib. If you take a moment before you respond, you’ll be much better equipped to handle her problem.
Her: I promised we’d spend the holiday with my mother, though.
You: Oh. Okay. Yeah. I understand that that’s a big deal to her.
Her: It really is! I feel like I’m being a bad daughter by not going.
You: You’re not! You just got your wires crossed with holiday plans. If you talk to her, I’m sure she will understand.
Listening says that you care about the other person, and it’s always the first step to resolving any argument.
2. Don’t Try To Sound Like The Authority
Women are often accused by men of being unsound thinkers, or not knowing enough about a subject. No matter what you’re fighting about, it is extremely unhelpful to state your position as if it were absolute fact, and as if the other person is being emotional. The great mistake that men make in arguments is that they try to sound authoritative. What’s really your goal here? Do you want to win” the argument as if it were a court case? Or do you want the argument to be cleared up and for peace to resume?
Her: It’s not a good idea. I think this new office policy is really going to hurt the people at work.
You: You’re wrong, actually. It’s definitely going to benefit them.
Her: No, it’s not. I’m really upset that they initiated this.
You: I majored in economics. Trust me, you’re wrong about this.
Her: You’re being pompous. How the hell can you be so sure?
Hey, maybe she is wrong. But this isn’t a good way to challenge her assumptions. You need to come from a humbler place. The great irony of it is that when you speak with humility, and use words like maybe” and possibly,” you’re more likely to convince the other person of your viewpoint.
Her: It’s not a good idea. I think this new office policy is actually going to hurt individuals at work.
You: You imagine? I’m not sure easily agree.
Her: I don’t know…Every time they’ve tried something similar to this in other offices, it’s finished up being truly a bad idea.
You: Maybe. But there are particular circumstances in which it might really pay back! Like X, and Y. Anyway, I wouldn’t be worried about it just yet.
Suddenly, the complete tone of the conversation has changed. It has been transformed from a distressing argument right into a civil discussion where both of you leave room for the chance that you’re wrong. Yes, it’s easier in theory to jettison your ego, but it’s worth the ol’ college try.
3. Don’t Hit Below The Belt – STICK TO Topic
I know, I know. You feel incredibly frustrated and annoyed. In heat of as soon as, you’re sorely tempted to create up another thing – various other issue in the partnership that you are feeling sore about. Since you’re arguing anyway, you will want to obtain it all off your chest? You will want to air all of your feelings at this time? Well, here’s you will want to:
Her: Each and every time. I’m always the main one who must do household chores, even though I’m exhausted from work.
You: That isn’t true. Who has been cooking and clearing up after every single meal?
Her: That’s such a small portion of it-
You: cutting her off Whatever. You can play victim if you would like. Remember last month when you thought I was cheating on you? Jesus, look at just how much grief you gave me. It certainly is this martyr role with you! Poor me, poor me. I’m completely fed up.
It’s normal to possess several issue in a relationship, or multiple complex feelings towards a person! But you shouldn’t muddy the waters by bringing up old events. Just like boxing, arguments have their own set of Queensberry rules: no hitting below the belt. When you make personal attacks, or say petty things, the other person is almost certain to hit back. Suddenly, the argument has degraded into something vicious, and you’re both saying things you can’t forgive each other for (or at least, that you’ll remember for years). Don’t steer it into that kind of territory.
Her: Every single time. I’m always the one who has to do household chores, despite the fact that I’m exhausted from work.
You: That’s not true. Who has been cooking and cleaning up after every single meal?
Her: That’s such a small portion of it, though.
You: Okay, well, clearly we’re not seeing eye-to-eye here. I’m not happy about the division of labor, but maybe we can make some kind of chart or checklist designating whose responsibility it is to do different things?
When you keep the conversation focused on the current issue, the argument dies much sooner! If there are other issues you would like to discuss – like the fact that she didn’t remember your birthday – find another time to bring that up. Preferably when you’re both calm, and not heated from arguing at the end of a long day.

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