How To Flirt With Women In Bars

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
When I go out to a bar, I want to talk to women, but I have no idea when they desire to talk to me. Any kind of signals for whenever a woman wants to speak to you? Are you experiencing any tips about how to make things happen?
– Shy Sammy
The Answer
Hi Sammy,
Yes. I do involve some specific tips. But before I reach them, I’ll offer you some important advice concerning the general subject of speaking with women in bars. Even though it could sound harsh, it’s what you ought to hear.
I’m assuming, predicated on your email, you are pretty with uncomfortable approaching attractive strangers in public areas. It isn’t something you generally do. Perhaps you never take action at all. You’re afraid that you will get shot down, or, worse, called a creep, or mocked, and you will have to go back home, awash in shame. So, you need me to provide you with the trick recipe for discovering exactly which women to approach, to help you avoid that risk entirely.
But this is kind of the wrong question. Your problem isn’t that you don’t have a secret recipe for psychically discerning which women are down for whatever. Your problem is that you feel like you need a secret recipe. It’s that you view chatting with women as some forbidden act with terrible consequences. You’re not yet willing to put yourself out there and just talk to women in social settings as if they might be normal people who might – gasp – want to have a fun, flirtatious conversation , or get romantic attention, or even date people.
Let me tell you what’s going to happen if I give you a bunch of super-accurate, thoughtful tips about which women are likely to be receptive to your advances. You’re going to go out for a bar and scope out the room super carefully, selecting your prospects with great concern. You’re going to evaluate each interesting woman from a distance, making absolutely sure that their body language is absolutely indicative of an outgoing personality and a willingness to entertain the longing of strange men. Then, after an hour of screwing up the necessary courage, you’ll go talk to one of them. And she’ll shoot you down immediately. Why? Because she’s seen you wandering around checking her out for an hour, which is totally unattractive, because it reeks of desperation.
Listen. You’ve got to keep in mind that women are bombarded with male attention, and, thus, that they have to make lots of pretty quick judgments about the men they connect to, so as to not be constantly beset by pervs, weirdos, and idiots. And when you approach a female as if she’s some type of puzzle, to be carefully scrutinized and decoded, she is going to assume you are starved for attention, and, moreover, that you’re generally unconfident when it comes to dating – which means that you’ll be awkward in bed, or that you’ll fall in love with anybody who pays attention to you, or that you’ll just be weird to hang out with. All of this might be entirely untrue. You might be a spectacular lover, and a fantastic potential boyfriend. It’s possible that a night with you would change her life forever for the better. But, regardless, the assumption will be that you’re, at best, a cowardly dork.
Obviously, you don’t want that to happen. So, then, what do you do? Well, if you want to talk to a woman at a bar , you just go on up there, say hi, and try to have a fun conversation. If you absolutely need a guideline for what things to say, I’d suggest saying, “Hello, i am your name, when you can still remember it if you are nervous,” and supplying a handshake. If she responds by offering her name, and a handshake back, then she’s at the very least kind of ready to speak to you. If she says “Hi,” in a modulation of voice that says, “I’m feeling the social exact carbon copy of the emotion you obtain whenever a bird poops on your own head,” then move ahead immediately.
What if you obtain shot down? Well, you then got shot down. That’s great. You’ve saved yourself a while by deducing, through the procedure of elimination, that the girl you’re interested in won’t sleep with you. These details will permit you to move on. Yeah, you are going to be ashamed. Who cares? The more you obtain rejected, the less it’ll affect you. Every time you get shot down, you obtain more ready to put your ego at risk. That is good. Eventually, you wish to get to a spot where rejection won’t faze you, and you will totally internalize the truth that it ultimately matters hardly any whether any given woman offers you enough time of day. Paradoxically, that’s likely the precise point of which you’ll start being more lucrative in your search for female affection. Addressing that time is scary, but it’s completely achievable.
Just you shouldn’t be weird about any of it. If she gives monosyllabic answers to your every question, or says “I will really get back to my friends,” or displays any clear sign of disinterest, just get right out of there. Bars are social places, this means it’s totally fine to speak to anybody. You are not breaking the law. And if somebody gets really angry at you for just saying hi to them, you don’t want to talk to them anyway. However, none of this means that you’re owed anybody’s attention. Easy come, easy go.
Let’s get back to your question. What are some signals of interest ? Well, eye contact is the classic one. If you notice that somebody’s checking you out, and you meet their gaze, and they look away, odds are decent that they’re willing to chat. If they don’t look away, and just keep staring at you, go over there immediately, dummy. Open body language is another one – people are just simplistic primates with fancy outfits, and we tend to face in the direction of things we want.
Also, more generally, you can tell what sort of night somebody is having by where they’re hanging out in the bar. Are they drifting around where there’s lots of people, flitting from conversation to conversation and being chatty? Or are they sitting at the last barstool, next to the wall, staring despairingly into their seventh beer? If the former, that’s a promising situation. If the latter, remind yourself that you’re not a therapist, and you’re not her therapist, and nor do you want to be.
But, really, by far the most important thing here is self-experimentation. Start talking to women in bars. It’s going to be fun. It’s also going to be awful. Regardless, the results could be tremendous. You have nil to lose except worries that’s holding you back.

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