Whether you’re asking your crush from a romantic date, asking someone because of their submit marriage or sending flirty late-night hookup request to a dating app match, sex and love are about connection. So naturally, having your try to connect slapped away with some type of no” is really a crummy thing to see.
Based on what your feelings because of this person are and everything you were asking, you may register that rejection in another of two ways: a little sting or perhaps a soul-crushing blow. But as unpleasant as getting rejected can be, the only real surefire means of avoiding hearing no” would be to never put yourself on the market … that is a silly solution to live. Every guy, regardless of how handsome, rich or charming, will undoubtedly be denied at some time. And realistically, you’ll hear it many times in your life, in very different ways from very different people.
Rejection is a normal and healthy part of dating – it implies that people have opinions, preferences and standards. We aren’t simply dating each other out of convenience, kindness, politeness or pity. That means if you ask someone out who doesn’t share the same interests, they’re going to shoot you down.
Because of this, it’s in your best interest to figure out how to handle rejection when it happens to you. Rather than having a temper tantrum, having the ability to bounce back with grace won’t just mean you’re a more mature person – it also will help your dating prospects as time passes.
1. Why Do Men Respond to Rejection Badly?
Unfortunately, men have a uniquely bad reputation in relation to handling romantic rejection (especially from women). Be it an over-inflated sense of self or societal conditioning round the need for romantic success, men’s reactions to rejection can have huge variations from using harsh language on a Tinder match who doesn’t respond fast enough to prolonged harassment, stalking, assault and even, in acute cases, murder.
Why the hell do men get so angry in relation to being turned down?
Some men make the terrible decision to react with violence or anger because they’ve misinterpreted what so-called rejection means,” says dating coach Connell Barrett. They think that when someone rejects them, see that person says, ‘You’re insufficient. You’re beneath me.’”
That association of rejection with belittling is often a powerful one which arises over and over in pop culture – in movies and TV, the individual getting rejected is generally designed to look pathetic and weak; rarely is really a handsome and desirable man rejected for not being truly a good match. Meanwhile, the hero in the story often faces a short rejection before his persistence ultimately takes care of. While that might lead to a far more dramatic story, it creates for a fairly bad model for how to overcome the dating game.
In case a man feels he’s losing that sense of value or worth, in a perverse way, he feels strong and powerful when he’s angry or violent,” adds Barrett. However in fact, when someone rejects you, they’re simply saying that their romantic needs aren’t being met. It isn’t an individual value judgment. It’s about unmet needs.”
The individual who’s turning you down might sense that their needs wouldn’t be fulfilled, but in accordance with Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness , the main one being rejected often senses that his needs aren’t being met, either.
I think that lots of men respond to rejection with violence and anger because we have been conditioned to trust, by many sectors in society, that things take part in us naturally,” says Caraballo. If we are confronted with rejection, that is a blow to your egos and could be quite painful. When we feel entitled to someone’s attention, and that’s combined with a lack of education of how to cope with negative emotions, those reactions can come out in aggressive bursts.”
2. What Happens When You React Badly to Rejection?
Imagine in case a woman approached you in a bar and asked in the event that you could possibly be bought by her a glass or two. No, thanks,” you say. I’m just looking forward to a friend.”
The likelihood that the problem would lead to the lady being verbally or physically abusive is most likely pretty low. She wouldn’t explode – she’d respect your response and leave. The inverse, alternatively, is all too common.
The worst consequence of handling rejection badly is when men are violent with women, ” says Barrett. Women experience 4.8 intimate-partner-related assaults each year, in line with the National Center for Injury Prevention and contains to stop, and it’s really up to men that are prone to violence to obtain a consciousness change. Violence is never OK.”
It might seem a single man overreacting to rejection can be an isolated event, however when men are violent or abusive, particularly to relative strangers who’ve no stake within their well-being, these whole stories get shared. That influences how exactly we exactly, as a society, approach dating.
I really believe it’s pretty evident that the shortcoming to modify one’s anger or disappointment following a rejection has made women (and several men) very wary and fearful of men,” notes Caraballo. This total results in the persistence of the stereotype of men being angry, violent beings, which greatly limits how accessible we’ve been to those we desire as partners.”
The key reason why a random woman is guarded as soon as you approach her on the highway isn’t because what you’re doing is inherently creepy.. for the reason that she’s no idea how you’ll react if her response isn’t what you will like to hear.
3. Healthy Solutions to Handle Rejection
If getting mad could be the wrong a a reaction to being rejected, how in the event you approach being told no”?
I love to reframe rejection as exactly what it is: feedback,” says Caraballo. Your partner is telling you that the two of you are not a fit long-term, or maybe they’re telling you that your personalities don’t dovetail the way that she or he needs. That’s not a personal indictment on you. It’s just information.”
While that is technically true, that doesn’t necessarily make it better to walk away from being rejected, whether online or in person.
When faced with rejection, or lack of acceptance, it’s hard for us to not internalise negative thoughts about our very own self-worth,” says Caraballo. Rejection introduces the existential crisis of ‘alone-ness,’ that is quite painful and hard to ignore. Emotional experiences Highly, like rejection, get stored in your brain and remain due to amygdala there, the main mind that attaches meaning to see. If you are whoever has struggled with rejection, and that gets reinforced in a number of scenarios to ensure that it gains meaning and importance – even in small ways – that rejection becomes our pervading emotional story.”
Meaning, going for a definite rejection extra-hard could cause another one hurting a whole many more – and a different one, and another and so forth. You can observe how that sort of chain reaction may lead to a man losing it at some time, inevitably taking all that negative emotion out on a single person.
Caraballo’s advice? Keep a rejection short – if not sweet.
The easiest method to handle rejection would be to say ‘OK’ and leave,” he says. Move ahead. Any convincing or elsewhere, if not designed to be so even, will come off as intimidating or aggressive. If someone says any version of ‘no’ or ‘not interested,’ it isn’t your task to convince them of one’s worth. As hard since it is, cut your losses, leave that scene and do what you must do to be able to deal with the pain of rejection – however, not on that person’s time.”
Barrett, meanwhile, notes there are what to be hopeful about.
Remember that there is a good quantity of dating options available to buy,” he explains. Rejection can hurt so much wish guy might feel he’s got almost no high-quality choices. But once you realise that you’ll walk out wonderful people to date never, and that you’ll always have more to supply, you discover confidence from within yourself, and you will brush off rejection and say, ‘OK, next!’”
4. The way to get Better at Handling Rejection
As with a lot of things in life, the simplest way to grasp something would be to gain experience. With regards to rejection, that means, well, getting rejected more.
I think that an important thing to know is that we all experience romantic rejection, and we get rejected for a variety of reasons,” says Caraballo. It might be about our looks, our personality, interests – a whole host of things. But, while that rejection feels horrible, just know that it doesn’t take away who you are as a person. Being rejected by someone doesn’t mean you’re unlikable or unlovable; it just means you weren’t a good fit for that person.”
Barrett agrees that the takeaway shouldn’t be on what you lack or did wrong, but simply that there wasn’t a match between the two of you.
Perhaps you didn’t connect to them enough, or didn’t make them feel special or beautiful, or didn’t respect them enough,” he notes. Rejection happens when needs are not being met. It’s not a judgment on your worth as a man. Perhaps you just need to better understand what people want in a relationship – love, connection, respect, feeling special.”
And remember: Feeling a sense of sadness won’t cause you to any less of a guy. Don’t swallow those emotions, and invite yourself to cope with the rejection head-on.
I believe that, like a great many other experiences, we often tell individuals who their feelings don’t matter plus they should ‘just overcome it.’” says Caraballo. We must give ourselves space to reel from the pain of rejection. It’s OK to believe that way. Everyone experiences it, and it’s really tough. Than feeling like you need to immediately power through Rather, be kind to yourself. Take time to seriously heal and lick your wounds and acquire back out there as soon as you feel like you’re strong enough to take the opportunity again.”
He adds that whenever you’re fighting self-worth with regards to dating and romantic rejection, therapy is probably not a negative idea. Barrett, meanwhile, notes that rejection, as painful because it is, may be the start of a fresh possibly, positive story for you personally.
Think about being rejected or dumped as the opportunity for self-enhancement and growth,” he suggests. Most men see rejection as a thing that happens to you. I view it as something that happens for you. If you made mistakes that led to the rejection, learn from them and become a better man, a better dater, a better boyfriend. If you’re rejected, ask yourself, ‘How is this happening for me? What good will come of it?’ That question can reframe the experience as an opportunity to become a better man.”
Plus, accepting a rejection without belittling the other person communicates that you’re a stand-up guy – which, if they have an individual friend they think may be more suited to you, could work in your favour in the long run. At the minimum, they don’t be on offer discussing what a jerk you are.

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