Flirting With Your College Classmates

Lonely and sick of it? Feeling like you’re going to get dumped? Not sure how that first date went? Wondering what that rash is? These and many other confusing dating issues can be solved for you by the inimitable Bryce Warnes. Put your happiness in his capable hands (Note: Bryce Warnes is not a medical doctor) and email him your dating/love/sex/Tinder questions (400 words, max) at [email protected]
The Question
Hey Bryce,
So I’m in college and there’s a girl in one of my classes I’ve been talking to. I would really like to ask her out. I’ve never asked a girl out before. I don’t know if I should just keep talking her and building a relation with her and ask her out at the end of the semester? Or, should I ask her out after a few times of talking to her? Also, is it necessary that I already have her number before I ask her out?
I should tell you that I’m a bit shy. Please help!
The Answer
Hey Shyguy,
Congratulations! You are making great use of your post-secondary education. Being in college means participating in regular, structured activities with attractive singles. It means instantly having something in common – the gruelling reading list, say, or your professor’s halitosis – and therefore to speak about. And you’ve made those first moves which, if you’re naturally introverted and not experienced with dating, can be super intimidating: Striking up a conversation.
The important thing is not to think of Asking Her Out as a big event worthy of capital letters. Before inviting her to a night at the opera, or whatever, it would be better if you guys could take things outside the classroom in casual, just-friends-but-still-potentially-interested way.
Chat a little as the two of you are packing up at the end of class and try to keep the conversation going as you leave the building together. Oh, you’re heading to Annex B, for your next class?” you say. I have to go there too.” (While mentally calculating how fast you’ll have to run from Annex B to the place you actually need to go so you arrive on time.)
Or, You don’t have to get to another class? Neither do I. But I’m dying for a coffee. Wanna grab one?” (While mentally calculating whether you can afford to skip the class you’re supposed to go to next.)
These little bits of time together – walking somewhere, getting a coffee – build up a rapport, and signal that you’re interested. Eventually, there will be some good reason to exchange numbers. If there’s a test coming up in your shared class, study together. Or maybe you find out you both want to check out a certain restaurant, or see a show, or go to some campus party; that’s when you make more serious plans.
Just remember, Shyguy. College is full of young people looking for future spouses, random hook-ups, and everything among. The simplest way to approach things in this atmosphere is in an informal, fun way; enjoy learning each other and discover reasons to obtain together beyond your classroom. If you are considerate, focus on what she’s into and concentrate on creating a good connection, everything will go just fine. No capital letters necessary.
The Question
I met this dude in social media marketing and we’ve never met. We’ve been talking and he suggested we be friends. Initially he was so crazy to meet up me. But both we’ve been so busy. I already feel I could spend the others of my entire life with him, he could be an individual father of two girls and am single mom of 1 boy. He seems withdrawn lately, what do I really do? His silence is killing me.
Kat Fisch
The Answer
Hey Kat,
It will be great in the event that you could meet he in real life, and that’s what you ought to shoot for. Before despairing and giving up, take time to analyze why your rapport has dropped off. There’s no use jumping to conclusions – He doesn’t like me after all” or He’s found someone else” – until you’ve figured out what’s in it for him.
What it comes down to is the risk-return relationship. This is a basic investing concept that carries over into how people connect.
Investments with the highest risk offer the highest returns. You can buy stock in a new, volatile company whose value has a history of alternately spiking and bottoming out. You’ll be taking a big risk, but you may also see huge dividends.
Here’s a human-relationship-style example. Say you meet someone new at a friend-of-a-friend’s house party. You’ve really hit it off and want to keep things going, but somebody just put the new T-Swift club remix on the stereo and the place is getting rowdy. It’s hard to have a conversation over the sound of people shrieking and glass breaking.
So you say, I know a quiet bar not far from here that does amazing raspberry mojitos. Want to go there instead?”
High risk! If the other person says no, you’ve been rejected. Not only will your ego bruise, but it might make your chat with this new, attractive acquaintance a little chillier.
But: High returns! Should they say yes, you’ve taken what to another level. You’ve moved from sitting on a couch while a lot of near strangers shake it off, and turned the evening into something similar to a mini-date
Another scenario. You meet someone through Facebook, learn you have things in keeping, and begin chatting. You discuss meeting up personally, but never make concrete plans as you both have hectic schedules.
Low risk! You are not putting yourself on the market. Your partner doesn’t even know everything you appear to be in three dimensions. In the event that you wanted to, you can drop off the facial skin of the planet earth without incurring awkwardness or serious ire on the other person’s part. After all, it’s only social media.
And: Low returns! All you get out of this is a pleasant conversation with a stranger, and the titillation of thinking about meeting one day in person, even though neither of you are making to moves to enable that.
Low-risk, low-return investments are boring. Whatever this guy’s initial passion, it’s petering out because things aren’t moving along. Either he lacks the chutzpah to step up and really push for something concrete, or the tone of your conversations gives him the impression that you’re not interested in taking things to a more serious place.
So break the system, and make a low-risk, high-return move. Tell him you’re sick of talking online and you can’t keep it up unless the two of you meet over coffee.
Worst case scenario, you lose that online relationship and that day-after-tomorrow fantasy about meeting in person.
Best case scenario, you see a return on your investment. He feels interested and engaged again, and you get to meet him in the flesh and blood and take your relationship a step further.
Fortune favors the bold, Kat. Step up your game by putting your foot down.

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