Emotional Cheating

8 weeks ago my boyfriend sheepishly admitted to exchanging texts with a woman, Sarah, he met at a club in Vauxhall. He didn’t know her surname, and also what she looked like in daylight hours, but had been contacting her for the past six weeks, begging to see her. Naturally, I demanded to see the texts. They were sometimes sordid, increasingly intimate and wholly inappropriate. Despite his insistence that they hadn’t even met up, let alone slept together, there was no way this was innocent.
As if there was a stench of emotional adultery in the air, only last week I consoled a friend who almost the same thing happened to. She discovered her recent ex was shagging one of his co-workers mere days after their breakup Worse still, another colleague told her that the guilty couple had been flirting outrageously for the past month. Confronted, he insisted he’d never slept with the colleague. Still, their frequent trips to the coffee bar and all-day-long emails guaranteed that, the moment he was free from my mate’s alleged clutches, he was in her bed faster than you can brew a gingerbread latte. But there’s no way around it, the dude cheated Emotionally cheated.
Some blame the rise of social networking for emotional cheating. Facebook is a hotbed for sleazy private messages, be-friending girls you hardly know and doing so without your other half catching on. It doesn’t make it OK. Cheating doesn’t just mean ‘sleeping with someone else’. It’s, simply put, any form of unsuitable communication with a woman you fancy, who clearly is not only a platonic friend and definitely not one you’ll want your girlfriend to learn about. Sex is merely one player on an adulterous chess match. I’m not saying you have to never forgive a cheater. Hell, the majority of us make mistakes. But forget anything Robin Thicke lets you know: you could find no blurred lines, perfectly and wrong.
These are a number of the pitying excuses us women have heard when it comes to emotional cheating. And, do you know what? If they problem, you must have a word with yourself.
‘It was just flirting’
Obviously, the majority of us flirt. I really do it without even realising. Just like the time I inadvertently gave a ticket officer the seriously whilst topping up my oyster card at Finsbury Park station. I thought I had been friendly; my ex shook his head and hissed something about outrageous hair flicking once we argued down the escalator. It’s natural and harmless to flirt sometimes. Any behaviour or conversation you would be perfectly comfortable, in case just a little embarrassed, for the girlfriend to witness, is innocent. In a trusting relationship you need to be asked to reveal your emails never, private Facebook messages or phone (so when you are, this can be a sure sign of controlling behavior), nevertheless, you mustn’t have anything to hide, either.
‘She’s just a friend’
Is she? Discussing the intricacies of you relationship together with your closest female friend is an extremely important factor together; bitching about your nagging girlfriend who ‘just doesn’t understand’ someone to a lady you fancy, is not cool simply.
‘I never did anything physical’
That’s worse: a drunken one-night stand with Sarah from Vauxhall, or non-physical yet long-running reference to her, saying things such as for example I cannot stop considering you”. Either is really a terrible betrayal really, but I am aware which I’d be quicker to forgive.

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