Distance Relationships Possible

A long-distance relationship is like if you took a regular relationship and surrounded it with piranhas and set it on fire. It’s like if you took normal dating and then got horny magician David Blaine to suspend it in a plastic box and told it to survive on a sip of water and a bread crust a day. IT’S LIKE A BUNCH OF OTHER CRAZY SHT. And yet people are still doing it. Because people are dumb and love makes us dumber. That’s the science.
If you’ve never had a long distance relationship yourself then you may be baffled by the whole ridiculous business. Which is fair enough. Logically it doesn’t make a whole heap of sense. But nothing does, especially not these days. Because it’s not the old sepia-toned history days. The purpose of being with someone is no longer simply to make children and then force them to help pick beetroots on the farm and care for you when you reach the ripe old age of 27. It’s 2009 now, you guys.
Dating is about compatibility and joy and liking all the same memes. Planes exist. Steve Jobs invented MySpaces so we can all send electronic mails across the globe. It’s easier than ever before to make a long distance relationship work. But even with all the technology doo-dads and what-have-yous, it’s still tricky as hell to navigate. Which is why I’ve very generously made you this delicious list of everything you need to know before even attempting an extended distance relationship.
1. It’s Hard As Hell
It really is. That much is obvious. I understand it and you also know it and horny celebrity magician David Blaine also knows it. Also it won’t even be hard in an attractive way enjoy it is in the films. It will likely be hard in the tense and embarrassing and frustrating TRUE TO LIFE way where some days you merely can’t remember why you’re carrying it out. It will not be easy and can involve a great deal of grit and determination and willingness to push by way of a large amount of hard stuff. Have a genuine conversation with yourself about whether that’s something it is possible to potentially do longterm. And then consider if you’d like a big milkshake. Then get one.
2. Everyone’s LIKELY TO Have An Opinion
Including me, which explains why I wrote this whole article. But I’m allowed, because I’m the world’s most perfect angel. It’s other folks you are going to need to watch out for. Individuals who just HAVE to inform you of their very own relationship and their cousin’s relationship and this relationship they saw in a movie six years ago. And they’ll have all these very good and helpful and definitely not annoying comments like: aren’t you worried that they’re cheating on you ??” or that’s SO far. No but it’s like SO far. It’s so far. It’s REALLY far. That’s far. Did you know how far it was?” And it’s like, thanks btch, I did know. Eat an egg and jog on.
3. Communication Is Vital
When you can physically see your partner, communication happens on several levels. There’s touch, there’s eyeball contact, there’s sharing experiences. You can both suck on a strand of spaghetti and meet in the middle. You can go to the aquarium together and feed hotdogs to the stingrays. You can be forcefully ejected from the aquarium together for poisoning the marine life with sausage meat. With long distance, you lose most of these vital opportunities for closeness, so you have to rely on language to share everything you want to share. So get used to that idea, and get practicing.
Unless you’re both perfectly happy not touching and only talking during tiny daily windows, then long distance can’t work indefinitely. At first you’ll feel invincible and untouchable in the relationship. The future just won’t seem to matter. It’s only later, when you’re both busy, and your lives seem out of sync, that it’ll start to feel very flipping vital that you lock down a date in the future where you won’t be surviving on patchy phone conversations and heart emojis.
5. YOU NEED TO Get Creative
You gotta Facetime. And Snapchat too. And do SMS text messaging. And send postcards. And videos. And tag one another in memes on Instagram. And watch the same TV show or movie together at exactly the same time. You have to do lots of stuff that says you are my person. I have not forgotten you. You are very important and I’m right here even though I’m crazy a long way away.” Also make an effort to send one another little gifts once you can. They don’t have even to be costly. Some chocolates. A candle. A hat. 14 kilograms of fresh tuna. Whatever. If it’ll make sure they are smile, then take action. It’s like my close personal friend (notoriously horny magician David Blaine) always says: Why are you currently inside of the house? HOW did you obtain here?” And I believe that’s just beautiful and really sums up what I’m saying here.
6. NEVERTHELESS, YOU Also Need YOUR PERSONAL Life
Yeah, I knooooow what I simply said. And I meant it. Definitely continue steadily to do each of the nice things for every other that I suggested, but please also make certain you’re doing all you need to do on your own. It is advisable to maintain a balance or emotionally you’ll just tip over such as a toddler in a comically large hat. Because life can’t stop because your boo moved in the united states or abroad or out into space or whatever. You can’t rest every hope and dream using one person. It’s like this game Buckaroo where you must stack all those bags on the donkey. Eventually the donkey just gets fed up with your shenanigans and chucks all of the luggage off. That’s what goes on once you make your far-away partner the centre of one’s world. Things get messy.
7. Quitting Isn’t Failing

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