Dating Unattractive Girls

The Dating Nerd is really a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we can say for certain is that he is actually, excellent at dating. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I am dating this girl for a couple months, and it’s really going super well, but, uh, she’s type of ugly. Or, like, not ugly, however, much less pretty as many other girls I’ve dated. Personality-wise, she’s someone I really could see dating for a long time, but she’s just a little on the heavy side rather than as pretty when i wish she was. I keep wondering whether I am going to split with her, and acquire with somebody hotter. Honestly at this time I don’t know what direction to go. Ending the partnership seems sad, but surviving in it seems unsatisfying. What should i do?
– Superficial Sam
The Answer
Hi Superficial Sam,
Many thanks to be brave to generate me concerning this enough, Superficial Sam. Seriously. Our society judges people pretty harshly for talking about physical beauty and its particular role in relationships frankly. But I really believe your concern is quite valid. Whatever nasty comments you have about your letter, I don’t endorse them.
We live in an interval where we get hold of a unworkable really, contradictory band of messages about attractiveness. On the main one hand, we’re immersed in fables that reveal that people should look past physical beauty: Beauty and the Beast, the tale of the Ugly Duckling, etc. We’re told that the soul and your body are two various things, and that the former is a lot more important. But alternatively, we’re blasted having an incredible amount of images of immaculately beautiful specimens of humanity in plenty of different formats: magazines, internet pornography , Instagram, whatever. Yoga instructors with butts that defy all explanation, wearing tight pants that hide zero anatomy, reveal to check beyond material pleasures for enlightenment. It’s insane.
And the messy truth, needless to say, is in between both of these poles somewhere. Looks and personality aren’t unrelated – they influence one another totally. Plus they both matter. And only you, finally, can choose just how much.
Now, if you are not drawn to this girl at all, you should end the relationship immediately. It doesn’t matter if you’re an incredible fit in terms of personality. Both of you will become very unhappy if your dick’s just not invested in this relationship at all. If you feel bad for being a shallow pig, it might help you to remember that we’re all shallow pigs. Better for you both so you might be honest concerning this now than to dishonestly drag out a relationship that just won’t work, wasting time you both could be spending getting a better fit.
But that isn’t what I’m hearing. What I’m hearing is that she’s, well, type of attractive enough for you personally. When you’re during intercourse, everything goes swimmingly, but you aren’t completely enticed by her face in the mornings always. She’s got several lovely angles and also several unlovely ones. Of being gorgeous Instead, she’s cute enough.
Which is fine for you personally generally personally. But there’s this gross itchy feeling deep down, just like you think you deserve a whole dime-piece stunner and you also will die unhappy if you aren’t dating one. Or just like you don’t totally enjoy showing her off – everyone knows that proudly displaying our partner is an excellent feeling. You’ve also dated hotter people, so you know that you will find a certain testosterone tug that will not be there in this relationship, nice because it is.
This can be a tough situation. It is possible to here find no clear answers. So when you’re really unsatisfied, I wouldn’t blame you for ending things Nevertheless, you mustn’t understand this to decision rashly. Think it over. Specifically, look at the transitory, troublesome nature of hotness.
Since you’ve dated hot people before, you could have noticed something: really hot people generally have weird personalities. It is not their fault. The entire lives of gorgeous people, gorgeous women specifically, are loaded with psychological nonsense. Regardless of gender, centerfold-beauty types are showered by an inordinate level of affection. People can’t act normal around them – from spouting off ridiculous nonsense to walking into stationary objects while considering them. Moreover, due to the fact everyone lavishes continuously praise on the wonder, it might become hard so they can remember as long as they have any worth as a human. And all that attention is intoxicating, even though they hate it.
So it is only natural that they’d end up getting an odd mix of insecurity, exhibitionism, guardedness, and neediness. That’s just the natural reaction. But it doesn’t mean you can deal with – either for the super-hot, or for the people dating them. Maybe it’s a nice problem to have, but it’s still a problem. In your case, dating a ravingly attractive woman is like dating somebody with a slightly inconvenient superpower. (In fact, it is dating somebody with a slightly inconvenient superpower.) Having done it a couple of times myself, I don’t actually know whether it’s worth it. This is just a generality, of course: obviously, there are vain, weird people at all ends of the attractiveness spectrum. Nevertheless, everybody knows that it is true: very pretty folks are frequently weird. Maybe dating your mundanely cute companion is really a better time.
Also? Looks fade, obviously. We are all just sort of expiring forever. Some people age a lot more than others gracefully, but nobody remains at that wonderful peak you hit in your early twenties. Your look gets better Maybe, however your skin doesn’t. If you don’t find some type of sexy vampire on your favorite online dating site , any woman you date, no matter how gorgeous, is inevitably going to descend to a more modest plateau of attractiveness. So you’re just going to have to get used to that, or else have an endless string of shallow relationships with younger women until you’re too old to do that, at which point you’ll end up alone.
In summary, looks can be problematic, and they’re not forever. Again, that doesn’t mean you can’t make relationship decisions based on physical attractiveness. Just make that decision an informed one. Unlike, say, the decision I made with Kara, a girl I met in college. She was a tremendous human being. Warm, funny, honest, empathetic, enthusiastic. Everything you’d want as a friend or a lover. The girl who embraces both your braggadocio and your vulnerability. A keeper, as they say. Everything we did together was fun. Fights were rare, and when they happened, they were civilly conducted, and over in half an hour. At 22, I had a pretty perfect relationship.
But she just didn’t quite have the kind of body I thought I deserved, y’know? She wasn’t unattractive, but she was a little farther from my fantasy than I’d like. And it didn’t bother me constantly. Here and there, though, I’d be staring at some buxom girl in one of my seminars, wondering what life would be like with someone else. One day, I hit a breaking point, and I dumped Kara, kind of out of nowhere. Being the lovely person she was, she accepted my rambling non-explanation, and took it in a mature way. And I went and dated someone hotter.
Who made me miserable. As did the next person I ended up with. And the next. Eventually, I tried to get back with Kara – but she wasn’t single anymore. Why would she be? She was great. Meanwhile, I had learned the obvious lesson: real romantic compatibility is way rarer than big breasts or facial symmetry. Do with that what you will.

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