Dating Rules In 2016

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than it is possible to shake an extended bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several. Need his help? Email [email protected]
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
Thanks for answering my question (if u even do). Ok so here’s my deal. Last time I continued a date it had been kind of underwhelming. After all it sucked. In the end, I really was not feeling the thought of spending money on the date, therefore i wanted to split it, fully expecting my date to pitch a fit. She was totally in to the idea, though. What the hell? Do I not understand anything about dating anymore or was she crazy? Who’s expected to purchase dates these days?
– Wallet-to-Wallet
The Answer
Hi W2W,
Here’s what I believe. Perhaps the most sensible thing about dating in 2016 is that we now have no absolute rules around dating etiquette An initial date can be quite a candlelit dinner or tacos eaten on the edge of a ditch. Sex can occur five dates in or 5 minutes in. Women are in liberty to pursue men without stigma (although, for me personally, that statement is normally theoretical). While our grandparents had to ask their potential paramour’s parents for permission to even look at their children, our generation can perform basically whatever consensual thing it pleases.
But also, possibly the worst thing about dating in 2016 is that we now have no absolute rules around etiquette. There are a few tentative guidelines I’d suggest, like “no calls before marriage,” but even that I’d perhaps you have take with a grain of salt. Contemporary dating is really a maelstrom of misunderstanding. It’s such as a crime procedural, but many people are dyslexic and using defective instruments. We’re attempting to decode the feelings of individuals you want to bone without even knowing what those feelings would entail. Everybody really wants to be as low-key cool as you possibly can, this means nobody ever says, “I’d appreciate three texts each day.” Texting, all together, is really a hideous minefield, you may already know. Compare the way you would experience pick me up within my place” rather than do you want to pick me up within my place?” I’ve spent hours of my entire life counseling friends about whether they should end a message with a period or simply leave it unpunctuated. Cuz, y’know, periods mean you’re desperate. Obviously. Even the very basics, like whether a guy should pay for a first date, aren’t fully established anymore. Which brings me to the point of this column: I think guys should pay for a first date, 100% of the time. Not because I think you’re some kind of deadbeat fckboy if you don’t. It’s not a moral issue. I just feel that it’s this is the best strategy.
I know what you’re thinking. We’re supposedly approaching the age of total gender fluidity, where women wear cargo culottes and men wear frilly skirts. Supposedly, classic masculinity is on the way out , along with its insistence on the man being both the boss and the ATM. And I encourage this, if for no other reason than I don’t like paying for things. Also, maybe if I weren’t required to be so masculine, I could stop hiding my love of Taylor Swift and pink faberge eggs.
So my suggestion that you need to pay for the first date might seem antiquated or stupid. I agree. It is antiquated. Also stupid. But, just as much as relations between the sexes have progressed, we’re all still carrying around some of our parents’ baggage. Our heads are filled with decades-old ideas about what relationships should look like. This explains why some of us still quietly freak out when we’re not married by 30, despite the fact that seemingly nobody does that anymore. This also explains the otherwise inexplicable fact that some young men still wear fedoras. Even though we think it’s dumb, the actual fact that the question “should guys purchase the initial date?” continues to be lingering means that some individuals still think the solution is yes. (Incidentally: throw that fedora in the garbage immediately.)
Because we’re dating in age no rules, dating strategy is focused on making educated guesses in what won’t piss off your latest Tinderella. And spending money on your date is completely the safest move to make, just because a minority of women will expect it, and almost all the others will think it’s sweet. 99% of women whose bills I’ve paid were happy I did so. Actually, paying for a romantic date, since it isn’t the default anymore, enables you to stick out. It is a nice gesture, instead of merely the next of a rule.
It has only backfired for me personally once, with a fairly graphic designer who, when i got the check while she was in the washroom, berated me for my anti-feminist ways. At length. We inexplicably made out before she stomped off in a huff. Since it turns out, enraged graphic artists kiss good. Anyway, your day after, she actually left me an extended voicemail letting me understand that she was still mad for presuming she couldn’t purchase beers herself. Somehow, I don’t regret the truth that I didn’t find yourself seeing her again.
So, purchase beers. Also, purchase condoms. Purchase brunch another morning, when there is a next morning. If she’s hung-over, buy her some Advil.
I realize that these suggestions is financially stressful for some, especially if you’re interested in someone who expects front row opera tickets rather than four cans of PBR. I sympathize. There are lots of pretty rich people. I’ve been there.
But let’s be honest: if you can’t afford to take a given girl out on a first date , that’s probably not a girl you can afford dating. Your financial situation is going to come up eventually. Unless you’re dating some sort of Bavarian princess who enjoys doting on male peasants making a mere six figure salary, find a place you can afford, and then afford it.

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