Dating A Christian

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several. Need his help? Email [email protected]
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’m dating this girl but she’s evangelical, so we have hot makeouts but no sex, I’m kind of trying to ignore the christian thing, she doesn’t act like most religious girls I’ve met, but I don’t know if that will work out, what do I do?
– All Out of Faith
The Answer
Hi Faith,
I blame technology. Probably that sounds like a weird take, but I’ll explain, since I’m being paid to. Here goes.
In the world of dating, as in so many other places, Silicon Valley has given us certain false hopes. (Where’s my not-at-all-geeky-looking hoverboard? Where’s my talking robot dog that pees bourbon? Where are the nano-particles that will make me sexually perform with the game of an Apple product?) When you go on dating websites, whether OKCupid or Tinder or whatever, the basic premise is that the perfect person is out there-or at least another better one.
When you’re on OKCupid, you get a giant questionnaire with a million different attributes, which directly means that you’ll find a person who answers it just as you do: whether it concerns your selected colour of dildo or your decision for presidential candidate. But you’ve got a rude awakening: either there is no such person, or there’s, but when you venture out for dinner-never do dinner on the initial date-you discover that she’s about as charismatic as a cinderblock. (Or she realizes that you will be.)
If you are on Tinder, it isn’t so explicitly declared, but you’re greeted with a continuing parting sea of pretty women, providing you the impression that, somewhere in the info, your REAL LOVE Forever is lurking, or at the very least your True Love BECAUSE OF THIS Week. Although you may swipe through all of the women in your town, unless you reside in the city of Glazed Ham, Alberta, population 1000, there’s another million users registered every week. Wherever she actually is, you will discover her eventually.
When you meet a female who’s not ideal for you, you enter this weird mindset, where, rather than reacting just like a sane person, acknowledging that individuals who make our nervous systems go crazy don’t necessarily share our values, you take action else. You regard it as bizarre that the individual you’re perfectly drawn to isn’t ideal for you; and that means you regard your very real differences as temporary or superficial.
By the way, I am there, big time, even though specifics were as different as different could be. Michelle was talkative, fun, sarcastic, and had big, blue sad eyes that I stared at like a sucker. She was also big, big into cocaine, chain-smoking, and despair. While I’m not averse to the occasional criminal ingestion of substances, and I have my dark nights of the soul, I consider neither a sustainable hobby. I like jogging, I like sunshine. Foolishly, I dated Michelle thinking that her perilous lifestyle was just a blip-that she was, like me, a jock with a heart of nerd, who was just temporarily doing this sad party girl thing. Well, I was wrong. The more I was like, let’s not eat Marlboros for dinner,” the more she was like, be right back, I’m going to buy a bunch of ketamine.” I wanted the girl I thought she was; unfortunately, she was the girl she actually was.
You’re in a similar situation, reader. saying that I like this girl except she’s Christian” is like saying I like this water except for the fact that it’s wet,” or, I love Kanye except for all of the crazy shit he says.” Don’t worry, or, rather, worry; she’s genuine.
Consider that she’s probably hoping the very same thing about you-hoping that your stated values aren’t really what you feel, deep down. If she likes you, or, worse, is falling for you, she’s literally praying that you’ll enjoy spontaneous visitation from the holy spirit, or, more realistically, hoping that your desire to progress from light petting to heavy petting will also hasten your progress towards Jesus. She’s telling her worried pastor that she sees that meaningful light twinkling in your eyes-that she’s not dating some porn-watching, hip-hop loving backslider.
More importantly, although it’s serious enough that you’re not banging this girl right now, this shit is going to get very, very serious if, one night, she miraculously decides to take off her pants for you, she gets pregnant and refuses to have an abortion. Or if she suddenly becomes very ill, and you’re by her bedside with her family who are requesting to pray. In your early twenties, dating is normally about pleasantly removing the mutual barriers between two sets of genitalia and, hopefully, brains and hearts. But, quickly or slowly, it becomes about finding who’s likely to assist you to when something breaks down-your body, your money, whatever. Dating can be a game, but, eventually, like war or boxing, it has serious consequences.
So come on, because that is real. How you describe this woman helps it be appear to be, in your heart, she’s not only another side piece. Given the truth that you have some high-octane feelings going on, you have three decisions-break it off, arrived at God (or at the very least pretend to), or reside in denial. Breaking it off may mean months of lonely nights-but it might also mean meeting someone fantastic who doesn’t think that two dudes doing butt stuff is grounds for eternal punishment. Arriving at God may mean you embrace a religious lifestyle that you won’t ever believe in and also have a terrible divorce-or perhaps you actually do turn into a true believer, and today you love an unshakeable bond together with your totally hot, maybe secretly freaky wife. (Once you’re married, the shackles come off, or seriously, based on your taste in sexual behaviour.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.