Crazy Trapped In The Closet Story

Can you remember Zola and her wacky stripping adventures in Florida and how they blew your Twitter timeline open? Well, if you have been looking for the next Twitter yarn, look beyond Xavier Burgin no, tweeting beneath the moniker @XLNB The filmmaker begins his fictional story by asking one of is own lady friends why she actually is still single (yikes!) then quickly devolves right into a hilarious story about hooking and calling lady parts apple pie up.” If you have been needing a fantastic laugh , or just need to see Carlton from the new Prince of Bel-Air Photoshopped onto a lot of random stuff, browse the thread. The complete story is filled up with intrigue, mystery men named X, and belly-laughs, of the week so give it a read before you lose out on the water-cooler moment.
So a couple of days ago I asked among my homegirls why she’s been single for another. She’s fine, good job, no young kids, independent, etc…
I’m told by her, It’s cuz I’ve been trapped in the closet. Every girl has a trapped in the closet moment.”
Of course, I’m curious so I ask, Watchu mean trapped in the closet Tina? Like, you’re wondering if you like girls?”
She’s like, Nah, let me break this down for you X.”
So I met this dude right, X. He cute. Bout a 7 or 8. Smart, good head on his shoulders. He’s a nurse. I like male nurses. It’s my thing.
Me & him been talking for a second. All chill & good. A few dates, and he invites me over to his house. Like a Netflix and chill type thing.
So you know me, X. Imma take the plunge. Maybe get it popping. I done seen him in the sweatpants. He gots an anaconda.
That night So I head to his house. I done got myself ready. Pooched the cooch. Tidied up. Imma let him catch these cookies.
(Back again to me) First-time I’ve have you ever heard a female say pooch the cooch. I’m listening real intently like… /kUvSIbLi06
(Back to Tina) So me and oldboy sitting on his couch. We up snuggled, feeling all good and stuff. Then asks me a question…
Just what exactly you see starting us?” I’m like, Watchu mean start us?” He’s like,”We been talking and I wanna continue it to some other level”
Of course this is exactly what I wanna hear X just. Men nowadays just drag it so you gotta force them to acknowledge you out.
I ain’t that kinda girl. I don’t make the original move. I’m old school. The individual leads and I wanna follow. He can’t lead, I cannot follow.
When he said this I was just…I was just happy. To go to a man take the first step and i wish to know he’s ready for something. That’s real.
I crawl up in his arms real tight THEREFORE. I possibly could like…feel myself just twinkling therefore the the next thing you know…we in the bedroom.
We’re ripping off clothes. He’s kissing me as being a lion in heat. He scoop me up and throw me on the bed and my lady parts feel like apple pie
(Back to me) Who call they lady parts apple pie? /KW73ViwU0b
(Back again to Tina) So he done whipped off everything but my panties and I’m ready due to this man to take me on a journey.
He can get on top of me. I could feel his shoulders just covering my body. He’s making my womanhood quiver. Just Qua-evvv-rrr…
(Back again to me) What he whisper in ya ear Tina? /sIsYr1swtt
(Back again to Tina) That man explained he’s going to make my own body gush like I’m chasing waterfalls & tasting heaven.
(Back again to me) I’m like…nah, not waterfalls…not like waterfalls. /MPVfOEawoy
(Back again to Tina) Yes X. Like waterfalls. Like I’m falling in water of falls. At this time I simply wanna have his babies and begin a family
Just as he’s going to whip out the meat….we hear a banging at the entranceway.
Someone is screaming. Like, screaming they lungs out. This is a woman’s voice. It appears like she’s gone breakdown the door, X.
(Back again to me) I’m on the edge my seat listening like… /dXhsh1naiN
(Back again to Tina) Oldboy face goes white. Like, Tom Hanks. He talks about me and says&#8#8230;enter the closet.
I’m like…what you mean…get in the closet? I ain’t getting back in no closet. This ngga picks me up and throws me into the closet.
He shuts the closet door and runs out to the front door. Be reminded, I ain’t got nothing but my panties on. I’m nekkid…
Nekkid on the floor in his closet next to some timbs and Gucci flip flops. At this point, I’m too in shock to even get up.
(Back to me) I’m sitting beside Tina thinking, not some Gucci flip flops… /dRkMULQBD7
(Back to Tina) I’m about to bust out the closet. Who TF he think he is. Like, how dare he do some foul sht like this!
But right as I’m bout to bust that closet open I hear screaming from the living room. Oldboy and whoever homegirl is, they going at it!
After all, she screaming. Who TF you imagine you are Kevin. The way you gone sit here and do that to me up! I been fighting for you personally Kevin! Fighting!
I back from the closet door away. Fck! A woman was got by This POS! He got a woman and I’m stuck on his f’ing closet while they fighting!
She screaming! And cussing him out. He down tryna calm her. And then…they bust into his room…
(Back again to me) My hands cringing like this… /qEayiZsTof
(Back again to Tina) It wasn’t a female that bust thru that door Xavier…
I’m in the closet Xavier. I’m in the closet as the man I wanted to possess my babies is fighting…with his boyfriend.
(Back again to Tina) Kevin saying, Chris, baby just relax you don’t know very well what you’re talking bout.” Chris like,”I understand everything you been doing!”
Kevin down attempting to calm Chris. And Chris, Chris is hysterical just. Chris screams,”Also!” Chris starts walking towards the closet…
Chris gets closer and nearer to the closet. I am in shock, X. I cannot move. I cannot think. Chris can prolly hear me breathing I swear…
(Back to me) I’m in the cut listening to Tina like… /nVkNACUmqJ
(Back to Tina) …his phone. I immediately see pix of Kevin. Explicit pics. Like, some BET Uncut sht.
X, I immediately realize Kevin anaconda done slithered across every continent. Chris don’t even know nothing bout me. I ain’t even in this.
Chris throws up his phone and just screams, So what’s all this huh! Who all these motherfckers! Who is dey Kevin. WHO. IS. DEY!”
Kevin grabs Chris & starts kissing him. Chris is trying to fight him off, I hate you Kevin! I hate you! I hate you! Everything about you!”
But Kevin. Look X it’s obvious he done been thru this before. He’s kissing on Chris and pulling off all his clothes.
And Chris is just…he can’t even help himself. Kevin drops his drawers and it just flops out just like a baby elephant.
(Back to me) I simply want to leave at this stage, but now…I gotta finish hearing this story. /ULb0SO7x6c
(Back again to Tina) Then Kevin picks Chris up & tells him,”Don’t worry baby, Imma make ya body gush like ya chasing waterfalls&tasting heaven.”
Which is when I snapped X. I snapped. Every cell in my body saw red and then…then…
I farted X. I was so mad, I farted in the closet.
(Back to me) I’m considering Tina like… /MWZZTtN36E
(Back to Tina) Everything stops. Most people get quiet. You’ll be able to hear a pin drop. Chris pushes Kevin off him, and looks dead at the closet.
(Back to me) Don’t do something Chris… /mH9krzPVF7
(Back to Tina) Chris touches the handle of the closet door…
(Back to me) I’m the same as, Chris plz stop… /3xcaM9CvQJ
(Back to Tina) Chris opens up the entranceway and…
(Back to Tina) I hit that ngga with the Gucci flip flop. Chris falls to the bottom and I run into the living room!
I grab my purse. Fck my clothes. And I dash out leading door. In my panties. During the night Dead. To my car.
As I’m driving away. I allow everything out simply. I start fcking crying simply. Like, tears. Real tears.
(Back to me) I just sit there. Astounded. I ask, Why did you cry?”
(Back to Tina) Cuz I didn’t deserve this. No woman deserves this, X. It ain’t about him having a boyfriend.
It ain’t about him being a cheater. It’s about me. ME. Once the rest dies, I’m going to be here waiting for that you do me right.
Why X? Why do we give ppl so much. Me & Chris. Why do we pour our hearts out and acquire so in trade little?
(Back to Me) I have to say i, do wish the answer was known by me.
(Back to Tina) Every girls has their trapped in the closet moment,X. To be honest, it ain’t always this fcking sad, and therefore fcking funny
(Back again to me) You right. But real talk Tina…why you’d to Hit’m with a Gucci flip flop? /skjXbeFv2J

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *