Cloaking – What The Dating Term Means And How To Avoid Falling Victim

Every now and then, dating morphs a bit and a fresh thing (typically linked to acting in a dating context) takes form. You might have heard of those hateful pounds right now: catfishing, turkey dumps , thirst traps, ghosting and breadcrumbing, to mention a few.
We call these dating trends,” even though they sprout seemingly randomly, they’re often propelled into existence by specific situations.
Situationships,” for example, exist because we needed a term for new relationships which were so vague and formless they barely deserved to be classified with actual relationships. The rise of swipe-based dating and hookup culture allowed those to are more common, giving singles easier usage of casual sex, and never have to put much work into courting and romancing to get laid.
Now, there is a newly named fad going swimming the internet at this time – it’s called cloaking,” also it, like a lot of the other dating terms which have popped up lately, is really a product of the increasing intersection between our love lives and the digital technology we use on a regular basis.
1. What Is Cloaking?
The word was coined by Mashable writer Rachel Thompson following a particularly unpleasant dating experience she had. She described it as this: You meet someone online, exchange messages, and revel in them enough to schedule a romantic date. However, once the time for the date arrives, not merely does the individual not show up, nevertheless, you realize they’ve erased their online presence from you – unmatching on the dating app, blocking your phone number, removing you on social media, etc.
Now, not only did you get stood up, but you can’t contact them at all. Basically, you have no avenue to either vent your frustrations or ask them what happened. It’s over with no real record that anything ever did happen.
2. Why Do People Cloak?
The internet brings people together, but one side-effect of being able to chat with strangers so easily is that it’s hard to see them as real people. Particularly on dating apps, with their mobile game-like feel, swiping through hundreds or thousands of people can make each individual start to feel, well, less like an individual.
Treating someone badly, whether ghosting, haunting , benching or roaching , is in part an outcropping of that reality. You don’t need to work to treat person A right since there’s always a person B waiting just a swipe away. But cloaking specifically is more than just not treating someone with respect – it’s a pre-emptive ghosting, disappearing without a trace before things even get the chance to actually go wrong. So the question is: What would drive someone to end things before they’ve even really begun?
The truth is, online dating can be very scary. Aside from the real dangers of meeting up with a stranger you met on the web, even interactions with non-murderers can feel stressful and overwhelming when they essentially boil down to a game of Am I desirable or not?”
For some people, it might be more tempting to use dating apps to swipe and flirt than to actually go on dates; others might get cold feet at the last minute. Some might just find a weird measure of power in convincing someone to go on a date with them, even if they have no intention of showing up.
3. Why You Shouldn’t Cloak People
By the end of your day, cloaking is approximately fear – worries of being vulnerable, participating in the procedure of dating within an honest and open way.
It’s one thing to possess last-minute second thoughts in regards to a date you create,but participating in cloaking (leading you to definitely believe you find attractive them to the stage of setting up a romantic date, knowing they’ll be great deal of thought, excitedly planning for once you meet (etc) is one more thing entirely.
If you’re achieving this without the regard for another person’s feelings because it’s easier than admitting you do not feel just like it and accepting that your partner will undoubtedly be disappointed, you’re a coward. Writing a text to cancel doesn’t have a lot of time. It could lead to a distressing interaction, but it is a million times braver than blocking the individual and disappearing from their life entirely.
Do the decent thing and become honest – either be clear you are not thinking about going on a romantic date in the first place, or allow person know you’ve changed your brain without vanishing in a puff of digital smoke.
If you are on the receiving end of a cloaking, you could be pretty heated. It isn’t a pleasant trick to have pulled on you, and your first instinct might be to try to track your cloaker down somehow to give them a piece of your mind.
Unfortunately, that’s probably a bad idea. For starters, it’s possible the person got scared of you, and cyber-stalking someone is hardly a good way to convince someone that you’re completely sane and not violent.
Secondly, if they cloaked you just because they’re kind of cowardly when it comes to dating, that definitely sucks, but it doesn’t mean trying to exact even a small measure of textual revenge will improve the situation.
If you find your app match’s convo has disappeared when they fail to show up for your date, be the bigger man: Take it on the chin and try to move on. There’ll always be more matches if you keep swiping, and you’ll find someone you click with eventually.
If someone can’t muster up enough emotional honesty and maturity to send you a Really sorry to cancel at the last minute 🙁 text, then you definitely avoided dating someone who would probably not have been a very pleasant person to have feelings for.
In some instances, you dodge a bullet. In this one, the bullet saved you the trouble by dodging you first.
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