Can Divorced Guys Get Younger Women

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several. Need his help? Email [email protected]
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
I’m a divorced guy in his early 50s. It’s been a few months since the dust around my marriage settled, and I want to date again. Specifically, I want to hang out with younger women. I’m not a bad-looking guy and I’ve got a little disposable income. Can a guy like me date women in their twenties? How do I do it?
– Silver Fox
The Answer
Hi Silver Fox,
Of course you can. That pretty girl who you see at the dog park every day? Your favorite waitress, on whom all your fantasies are recently pinned? Chances are, you can get in there. You might not think so, but it’s entirely possible. Go for it.
This is made possibly by a weird asymmetry in heterosexual dating. It’s frequently (although not universally) true that women are attracted to status and experience as much as looks, whereas men don’t tend to be so well-rounded. As a result, if you’re an older guy, you can make up for not being a bouncy, chiseled, 20-something yoga teacher named Jaysonn. With your superior wardrobe, and your real career, and the fact that you actually have some things to say, you can be attractive to women your junior.
In order to get younger girls and you also can’t, you’re probably not carrying it out right. And simple basic dating advice for single people applies in this example: you need to be confident, wear a good outfit, and become a slightly better version of one’s normal self. That sounds difficult, but it is not. All confidence is fake confidence – confident people don’t lack nervousness, they just look beyond it long enough to acquire a contact number. Male fashion isn’t that hard – and when you can’t work out how to wear a white oxford and pants, just head into a Brooks Brothers and point at a mannequin. And, finally, your personality is merely fine – you don’t have to learn any pickup artist hypnotism, just speak to your date as if you would your very best friend, except maybe with several fewer dick jokes and a bit more active listening.
And that is basically it. But I’ve a question in reaction to your question. That is, why do you wish to date younger women , specifically? How come that what you need right now, the moment you’re out of a divorce? What’s wrong with women your personal age, or women a few years younger than you?
I don’t mean to shame you. Needless to say, younger women are excellent. There’s the power, the enthusiasm, and so forth. Vulnerability and impressionability tend to be more appealing than cynicism. A great deal of guys get criticized for dating younger people, and I don’t mean to criticize you outright. Or at all. You can you. There’s no shame in virtually any consensual relationship between legal adults. I simply want you to take part in just a little self-examination here to be sure you’ll get what you want using this.
Teenagers aren’t stupid, exactly. It isn’t like they will have fewer IQ points. But people within their early twenties of both sexes are, needless to say, immature – unformed. Either too certain of themselves or totally neurotic and insecure, or swinging rapidly between those extremes. Filled with misguided enthusiasm and misplaced anger. And, frequently, unsure in what they want.
You can have an excellent relationship of a particular sort with this sort of person. In the event that you meet a woman on an online dating service and hit it off, she’s likely to get a large amount of cool stuff from it. You’re probably way better during intercourse than her peers, because, well, you’ve grabbed a boob before and you also understand how it’s done. It is possible to take her out to a good restaurant and you know very well what wine to order, and what related to the salad fork. All that fun adult stuff. In exchange, you get the type of bright, shiny energy that humans your actual age just don’t possess anymore. You obtain the starry-eyed wonder and the giddiness.
That’s all great. But what you are not going to get, almost certainly, is really a relationship with the type of depth you’ll receive with someone your personal age. Someone who’s twenty just won’t have any idea what it’s prefer to cope with the stresses of a genuine job, or the ravages of aging, or the complexities of family. They don’t have done battle with big human realities and discarded some of their dreams like you have. You’ll be able to meaningfully share maybe 40% of what’s really on your mind. It’ll be a pretty simple relationship.
And, again. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you want a little harmless fun, have the harmless fun. But if you’re hurting right now, because, y’know, divorce is pretty bad , sleeping with young hot chicks might not be what you need. It might just make you feel more lonely. You might need someone who can meaningfully support you.
We live in a society that worships youth, and so we’re told, as men, that a relationship with a sweet young woman is basically the best thing that can ever happen to your life and/or dick. And, while they can be pretty good, unfortunately, young women are just people. Nobody is the perfect sex goddess who’s going to change your life. You can’t drink from the fountain of youth and restore yourself forever by taking that barista on a weekend trip to Cartagena.
Take my relationship with Anna. She was amazing. I have zero bad things to say about Anna. She was intelligent, affectionate, attentive, and took everything I said seriously. A little too seriously, in fact. Whenever we had a conversation about the future, or politics, or psychology, she would immediately, unthinkingly conform to my opinion. And it’s not like I’m some sort of maximally persuasive genius. She wanted to make me happy, and she just hadn’t had much time to fill in her own thought bubbles as an adult. So we didn’t have debates, or discussions – we just had mutual admiration sessions. And, as much as I liked hearing myself talk, and seeing her nod, it was weird. I missed having a girlfriend my own age, who would call me on my B.S. if appropriate. I missed real dialogue and real connection.
Anna was really surprised when I broke up with her, after I got bored of our little fling. After all, I was an older schlub who should’ve considered myself very lucky to have the luxury of her company. And I was very lucky. It just wasn’t the kind of luck I needed. Maybe you’re totally dissimilar, and all you require is a quick rollick with someone half your age. But, alternatively, you could be disappointed by your fantasy once it’s reality.

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