CAN BE YOUR Relationship Moving Too Fast

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
Things are going really well with this new girl I’m seeing. Maybe a little bit too well. It’s like a month in, and she wants to start apartment hunting together, and I’ve met her parents, and, basically, she’s acting like we’ve been together for years. While I can totally see her being The One, I’m also concerned that maybe we’re moving too fast. So I want to slow things down a bit. But I’m also concerned about hurting her feelings by telling her that I’m uncomfortable with how things are going. What should I do?
– Worried Wesley
The Answer
Hi Worried Wesley,
Tell your new girlfriend how you feel. It’s absolutely crucial that you share important concerns about this new relationship , or any relationship. Clamming up and hiding your feelings won’t make them go away. It also won’t guarantee that reality will bend towards your unspoken desires. Say something.
You’re absolutely correct that you might hurt your new girlfriend by suggesting that you put the brakes on your love affair. Chances are, she’s really happy about how things are going and is enjoying the fact that you two are on this dramatic rollercoaster together, accelerating into the future.
But you should tell her anyway. Unfortunately, one of the things that makes relationships hard is that there’s no guarantee you won’t hurt your partner. Throughout any romance of significant length, you’re going to have many important conversations that decide the direction of your time together. Conversations about heavy topics, like monogamy, finances, marriage, and so on. Each time you talk with your significant other about the big picture, it’s possible that you’ll have different pictures in mind. That doesn’t make the process any less necessary.
Moreover, I think you’re really smart to want to take things slow. It’s my default recommendation, not just for you, but for anyone. Making the partnership too serious in early stages is generally a mistake. Sure, everybody knows individuals who moved in together after fourteen days after meeting on an online dating service and so are still going strong. That does happen. But doing that sort of thing is really a gamble, and the chances aren’t particularly good.
And there is a simple reason: being in the first stages of love is similar to being drunk. Basically, for an extremely short time of time, you’re just totally cranked on probably the most delicious brain chemicals available. All of the nutrients, like dopamine-y’know, the chemical which makes cocaine feel good-and adrenaline, along with other heady substances. As long as you’re for the reason that heady period, your judgement is impaired, in an extremely really fun way. You can’t stop picturing your own future together with your new lover. Maybe you are going to surprise her on her behalf birthday with a vacation to Ibiza, or climb a mountain together, or whatever. Her name falls from your mouth atlanta divorce attorneys conversation you have, whether or not you’re discussing her. If you’re the type of person who would like to breed, you imagine your good-looking children. Etcetera.
But, to increase the drunkenness metaphor, you need to enjoy this amount of intoxication, but you also needs to be really careful you are not doing anything stupid. At this time, you’ve got a wildly distorted picture of one’s new partner. You’re seeing best wishes elements of her, and you are not irritated by some of her verbal tics yet, or getting sick and tired of your sexual routines, and, last & most important, you haven’t been through your first relationship fight This is not to say that you’re on the verge of hating your girlfriend, or anything. You just haven’t yet seen the real person underneath the radioactive glow of new love. And you should definitely meet that more three-dimensional human being before you make any really big moves.
It is a lesson that I learned the hard way. Jillian was made for me, I thought. Like, I was pretty sure she would save my life, and she had the same feeling about me. We were completely different, but we complimented each other really well. She was a put-together professional with a fantastic career, and I was turned on by how sharp and ruthless she was. I was a sloppy, scatterbrained young artist, and she liked me for all of the weird things I said, and my sensitivity, for some reason.
Immediately, we acted like we were married She introduced me to her mother a month in, and told her I was the man she’d finally been waiting for-while I was there, at the dinner table, in front of her. In turn, I spent a significant amount of my meagre funds on random gifts for her. We were totally inseparable, absolutely devoted, and completely convinced that we would stay together forever.
Well, that didn’t quite work out. It turned out that, while our differences made us fascinated by each other, they also posed real problems-I found her insane professional schedule oppressive, and she didn’t like the fact that I didn’t have any money. Also, when the rush of our initial attraction started to die out, our conversations started getting awkward and stilted-weirdly enough, we were kind of bored. And when we finally broke up, it was rough. I was relieved, but also sad that I had invested so much, so quickly, in what turned out to be sort of a sham relationship. And, since I had told absolutely everyone I knew that I was going to marry her, I had to break the news, to about 250 people, that my fairytale romance had a twist ending.
Now, I hope your relationship doesn’t go the same way. It is my sincere hope that you stay in love until you die, and all your friends are envious of one’s love, as well as your kids are free from horrible genetic diseases, etc. However, you have to be prepared for that never to be the case. You have to be cautious.
So how are you experiencing this conversation? What is important, as in every relationship conversations, is that you communicate in a nuanced way. Once you tell her you want to take things slow, you must make it clear that isn’t as you don’t desire to date her anymore, or as you think another together is impossible. And you ought to spend just as much time listening as talking. Don’t just tell her what you would like and expect her to agree. Ask her about why she thinks things are moving so fast, and whether it is possible to reach some form of compromise and choose an interest rate of change you are both pleased with. Basically, start getting the sort of conscientious, reasonable relationship you need, right now.

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