Being A Gentleman

Make Others FEEL JUST LIKE They’re the biggest market of Attention
Most gatherings, be they social or professional, add a diverse cast of characters. Wallflowers, attention hogs and social butterflies are all to be expected. Regardless of who you’re talking to, you want them to leave feeling like the conversation they had with you was the most rewarding one they’ve had all day. You should neither marginalize a quiet type by overpowering him, nor should you try to belittle a big talker through feigned apathy. Whoever you’re talking to, engage them. Listen. Ask intelligent questions. Even if you’d rather wipe your ass with poison ivy than discuss the topic at hand, 30 seconds of engagement will earn you far more goodwill than five minutes of eye rolling. Speaking of wiping your ass…
Watch your Mouth
There’s nothing wrong with a little cursing here and there, and there’s nothing ungentlemanly about it, provided the context is right. If you’re with your friends or even slightly more mixed company, a swear word won’t kill anyone. But in the wrong setting, telling an off-color joke, however funny it may be to you, isn’t going to go over so well with the black, Jewish double-amputee you didn’t notice in the corner who happened to be the punchline of your oddly specific joke. In an instant, you’ll go from being the life of the party to a member of the untouchable caste. It’s fine to call Aaron Rodgers a fcking jackass” (because he is) when you invite your college buddies over to your house to watch football. It’s not so fine when your boss invites you over to his.
Remove Your Hat Indoors
Yes, this is an old one, but a good one. If you’re going someplace and you’ll be staying a while, take your hat off It just shows a little respect for the establishment you’re entering. Don’t want to because your hair will get messed up? Too bad – in that case, you shouldn’t have worn a hat. This isn’t the 1950s, and a hat is no longer a de facto part of a man’s wardrobe. If it’s the dead of winter and you’re wearing a beanie or ski cap for warmth, don’t worry about it. Everyone else’s hair will look just as bad.
Wait For Others to Get Their Food Before Eating
If you’re out for a meal with a group, the gentlemanly thing to do is to wait for all parties to get their food before digging in. You don’t want to be the one guy shoveling food in his face while others are still conversing. Plus you’ll finish before everyone else and have to sit in silence while they finish. Speaking of which, take small bites. It’ll help your meal last longer, and you never know when you might want to jump in to the conversation The exception: If you can find a lot more than six of you, go on and eat. There’s no have to make others feel just like they’re forcing one to let your meal get cold as the waitstaff brings about eight more plates.
When You’re With A FEMALE
Although some things have fallen right out of fashion, other stalwarts of the gentleman’s code are simply as applicable today because they ever were. Let’s have a look.
Outdated Etiquette
-Standing when women enter/leave the area: While it certainly is smart to stand when being introduced, standing because of a woman’s presence should come off as weird to many women. And, admit it, it sort of is.
-Offering your seat at a dining room table: If your host is expecting a celebration of a particular number, it’s around the host or the restaurant to make sure you can find enough seats. If an urgent female guest turns up, well that probably means the host didn’t want her there anyway. Besides, you understand what’s not gentlemanly? Awkwardly hovering over a table of seated guests once you quit your chair to an uninvited diner.
-Helping her with her coat: This, alone, is really a fine idea. It is a great gesture and it’s really really adorable to see, say, a married couple achieving this. However, if that is early in the dating game, she might not want you touching her stuff, and in all probability she won’t know very well what you’re attempting to do. As important since it is usually to be gallant and kind, it’s a lot more important to be sure your date doesn’t feel just like an idiot.
-Helping her with her chair: Again, nothing wrong with the gesture itself. It’s yet another one of those items that women aren’t familiar with anymore. Besides, at a good place the host or waitstaff usually assists with this particular.
Etiquette She Appreciates
-Holding the entranceway: Don’t worry about coming off as misogynistic or insensitive to her capabilities as a human being. Everyone appreciates a little hand. However, don’t make a show out of running ahead to reach the door before she does (unless she’s carrying something). In that case, simply reach over her and assist her with opening the door. Remember, she can open it herself. It’s the thought that counts.
Reaching for the check: This has been discussed ad nauseum here and elsewhere, and, yes, you should still do it. If she fights you or insists on splitting it, then let her have it. Otherwise, grab it, put your card in, and don’t say any more about it. Of course, if she’s arranged a date with the intention of taking you out on the town, by all means respect her gesture.
-Opening the car door: Provided you’re parked on the same side of the street as the place you’re leaving, this takes zero time or effort and reflects well on you as a gentleman. However, like with holding entry doors, don’t make a show of running around to the other side of the car if you’re parked in the other direction. If a gesture requires obvious effort and expense, it goes from being gallant to buffoonish.
-Entering a cab first: Counterintuitive, but if your lady friend is wearing a skirt or dress, it’s a lot easier for her to not have to scoot all the way over to the driver’s side.
-Walking on the curb-side of the street: Truthfully, if a runaway city bus careens on the curb and heads in your direction, no matter much what side of the road you’re on. But, still, the gesture is of you putting yourself between wayward vehicles and splashed puddles. She might not even notice you’re carrying it out (my partner never does), nonetheless it costs you nothing.
-Offering her your arm: If you are on an initial date, this may be just a little dicey, so play it by ear. Consider it this way – in the event that you offer her your arm and she takes it, which means she likes you (at the very least to some extent). Otherwise, it is a classy, understated option to holding hands, and I cannot think of a female who doesn’t desire to be seen walking arm-in-arm with her man.

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