Am I LIKELY TO Get Jealous If I AM Cheated On

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to greatly help the common guy step his dating game up a notch – or several.
The Question
Hi Dating Nerd,
This weird thing happened certainly to me. A time ago, I then found out that my girlfriend of a couple of years has been cheating on me for awhile. She feels terrible about any of it, and she really wants to keep carefully the relationship going. That isn’t the weird thing. The weird thing is that I don’t believe that upset because of it. I’m pissed off that she was dishonest, and I don’t want her to leave me for another person, but the proven fact that she had sex with another person doesn’t bother me. I’m discovering that I don’t care at all. But, like, shouldn’t I care? Does this mean I’m not, like, a guy, or something? Or that I don’t really value her? What does this mean, and what must i do?
– Confused Carlos
The Answer
Carlos,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with you whatsoever. You’re fine. This is simply not a sign your love for the partner is insincere, or you need to get your testicles examined. You’re just wired differently from the large amount of other men. You merely deviate from the stereotype, that is that men are deeply disgusted by the thought of physical infidelity, instead of women, that are stereotypically more upset about emotional infidelity. Typically, this is true, in accordance with clinical research, but there is no law saying that you have to be the common man. Almost nobody may be the average man atlanta divorce attorneys single way, and there is nothing intrinsically good about being normal.
Moreover, one of many dumbest ideas going swimming our culture is an important section of masculinity has been jealous, controlling, and having a never-ending competitive drive that pits you against the rest of the men of the planet. It is the vision of sexual difference where being truly a man is primarily about being truly a chest-beating neanderthal who sees his woman as his property, where no other man’s eyes should fall. It is the notion that men is going around their lives conquering and taking things, women included, and should fiercely store their plunder, so that other men don’t come along and steal it all.
This is hysterically stupid. (Also, it’s the sentiment that lead to the word “cuck” being mainstreamed.) While a little bit of jealousy is natural – it’s just a sign that you’re attached to the people you care about – lots of it is toxic. It can erode relationships like nothing else. It’s at the root of a lot of spousal abuse. The truth that you don’t apparently have a lot of innate jealousy is amazing. That makes your life a whole lot easier.
Moreover, I think that of all the traits that are classically associated with masculinity, the best is self-assurance, also called the ability to not give a crap what other people think of your preferences and ideas. According to this advice columnist, as long as you’re honest, principled, and kind to the people who deserve your kindness, you’re a man, by any reasonable standard. (These are also decent guidelines for being a person of any gender.) Really, it doesn’t matter if you’re OK with your partner having sex with other people, or if you want a dominatrix to stick things up your butt, or you secretly like wearing frilly panties. You do you.
Ultimately, what’s happened here is that you’ve learned something about yourself and your emotional makeup. You’ve learned that you’re a little bit weird in this one particular way. You don’t experience sexual jealousy. That’s cool, because a big part of being a good partner is knowing how you’re weird, and structuring your relationship to accommodate that. Relationships are basically about solving an engineering problem: How can two people, with all of their quirks and drawbacks, keep each other happy indefinitely? The more you know about your quirks going into that process, the better.
And the fact that you’re not a jealous person actually opens up some fun opportunities. Like, maybe you can have an open relationship. And maybe you should, because it seems like your partner isn’t totally sexually fulfilled by you. I don’t mean that as an insult. That’s the most normal thing in the world. Modern monogamy is wicked hard. And I know lots of married couples who used to have the most amazing sex ever, but are actually locked in a sexless hell, as the mind is unfortunately made to desire novelty. Even the best sex may become routine. And you could really begin to hate your partner should they stop making you feel just like a sexual being, even though they’re overwhelmingly pleasant, and you also desire to be buried beside them in a lovely marble tomb after having a nauseatingly beautiful marriage. That can be done everything you are able to for the girlfriend, and she might still need to get all through to that dumbass she sees at the fitness center.
When you are a non-jealous person, you’re uniquely equipped to resolve this most persistent and difficult of human problems. Plenty of women I understand have tried open relationships, but have failed within their efforts, because their boyfriends are fine with getting laid privately themselves, but absolutely can’t handle the thought of anyone’s dick going anywhere near their girlfriend. But that wont happen with you. So, rather than your lover feeling terrible about going behind your back again to get laid by idiots she doesn’t value, you can create it a genuine option. You can also encourage just a little extra-relationship sex, to the extent that it could make her happier. She’d probably love that. And, in trade, you might get the chance to go on Tinder, or whatever dating app you prefer, and see some other people naked too, if that’s something you’re interested in, which, presumably, you are.

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