A Polyamorous Couple Making $110,000 A Year

The AskMen editorial team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life. AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.
Eric and Lila are polyamorous, meaning that they both date and sleep with other people. However, they’re primary partners, aka, each other’s main squeeze. From careers in academia, to friends, and to even lovers, the pair share a lot. AskMen caught up with these brainy poly kids to learn how to balance budgets when you live in different states and have multiple other partners.
Names: Eric (39) and Lila (26)
Occupations: Eric does post-doctorate research and Lila is a doctorate student who also bartends.
Location: Connecticut and New York City
Separate annual salaries: $60,000 (Eric) and $50,000 (Lila)
Combined incomes: $110,000
Relationship duration: Eight months
Relationship status: Primary partners within a polyamorous setup who live separately (Lila studies and works in New York City and Eric works doing post-doctorate research in Connecticut but travels to New York City often)
Before we get to some finance questions, how did you two meet? Lila: We met through mutual friends. We’re both in the same poly community and a former partner of mine is good friends with Eric. We hooked up at a party and fell for one another quickly. Eric: Yeah, it was at a party at our friend’s place in the city. I had heard Lila’s name come up and seen her on social media and after that first night things got serious fast. We decided to become primary partners after about a month of dating.
For those who may be unfamiliar with polyamory and primary partners,” will you explain what the term means?
Eric: Sure. So, when we met I was doing the solo poly thing. I had multiple partners but there was no hierarchy – everyone was on a single playing field and I tried to devote equal time for it to everyone. Having a primary partner as a poly person just implies that we’re each other’s primary,” like main, partner.
Lila: Yeah, we still date and sleep with other folks, and sometimes we date and attach with other folks as a couple of threesomes and group sex. However in many ways, we resemble a monogamous couple from an outsider’s perspective and today we put each other first. So, whenever we do date and sleep with others individually we’re honest that we’re already in a primary relationship.
How did you obtain in to the poly life?
Lila: At Burning Man , at the chance of sounding just like a total clichГ©.
So, putting the poly questions on hold, could it be expensive to live in various places? Eric, I understand you work in Connecticut and Lila would go to school and bartends in NEW YORK.
Eric: Since my rent is indeed lower in Connecticut, honestly, Personally i think like we save additional money than other NEW YORK couples. We’re both in academia so we don’t possess a huge amount of money, however the commute is simple, and we reach utilize the money I save well on rent by keeping a location in Connecticut on things such as for example travel. Lila lives alone in a rent-controlled apartment therefore i spent a huge amount of weekends at her place. For New Yorkers (I’m almost a fresh Yorker) we appear to have a money guardian angel.
How does dating other folks factor into money? To be blunt, because you date others, do you have less to invest on and with each other?
Lila: Eh, not necessarily. The poly community is pretty radical and forward thinking therefore it isn’t like men purchase all the meals. I usually split my dates so that it wouldn’t be any unique of if I was venturing out to dinner with a pal. The primary resource that becomes a concern in polyamorous setups is time. Particularly when you’re also working and getting your PhD. We both believe that freedom to date others is most realistic to maintaining a long-term relationship. So many monogamous set-ups fail. So, the time spent with others feels like an investment for our long-term relationship.
I get the sense that right now you both live financially independent lives, and split things – do you ever see that changing should you get married or move in together?
Eric: It’s impossible to say. I’m certain in my love and commitment to Lila, but soon I’m applying to jobs as a professor that may force me to leave the East Coast. And neither of us are sure how we feel about marriage. We might end up being bi-coastal, we might end up sharing a place in New York and talking about marriage for the tax benefits – so much could change in a year given our lifestyles.
Lila: What he said.
You mentioned travel, what’s something you recently bought one another? Does money ever have an erotic component?
Eric: No. Capitalism is a turn-off for both of us.
Lila: He did buy me this beautiful LELO purple whip recently. We’re not super into kink, but I love purple and it’s so beautiful. Some of our friends throw kink events sometimes, and I’ll bring it compared to that.
How did your previous relationships affect the method that you view money in that one?
Eric: Lila was fortunate to discover polyamory a whole lot younger than I did so. In my own 20s and early 30s I was in plenty of monogamous relationships which were financially traditional in the sense that I paid for all of the dates and what not. Monogamy doesn’t come naturally for me personally and when I’m being honest neither does always footing the bill, so I’d build up resentment to my former partners. Part of that was my fault because I wasn’t being honest with myself. But it made me very grateful to have found my current community and Lila.
Lila: I was always so focused on school when I was younger, so I haven’t had a ton of very serious relationships to compare it to.
Can you share how much you spend on the following?
Rent: Lila: I lucked out and inherited a rent-controlled place in Brooklyn that costs $900 a month for the whole thing. Eric: And I’m cheap and live with roommates in a house so I pay $650.
Car expenses: Eric: Neither of us have a car.
Debt: Eric: I went straight to a PhD program which pays you, while master’s programs require tuition so I only have student loans from undergrad which I just finished paying off about two years ago. I pay maybe $200 a month on credit cards. Lila: Other than minor credit card debt I don’t have student loans; my grandparents paid for my undergrad.
Food and clothing: Lila: Food is where our money goes. Probably about $300 for me? And no idea about clothes – maybe $100? I buy things when I need them and then costumes for parties. Eric: I’d guess $400 for both.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.