5 Things No Man Should Wear On A SHORT Date Ever

As a woman, I know it’s beyond hypocritical for me to sit here and tell you men what not to wear, especially when we have been trying to get the world to stop telling us females what to adorn our bodies with since the 1960’s. However, the world is a cruel, mean, tough place and if you don’t drive defensively you will get run over by a semi-truck. So, to avoid a major derailment on your first date, here’s five things you must never wear and just why:
Flip Flops (Or ANY KIND OF Sandal)
I do not need an issue with feet. Feet are essential, you know, for walking around, but I do have a problem with sandals on men. (I’m not crazy about them on women either, but our general lack of toe hair and elevated, slender arch kind of makes it acceptable.) If you are a man over the age of 55 then you can wear sandals whenever you like, just not on a date. Even though you live in the blazing heat of Arizona, Texas or Mexico, there is no excuse for men to be wearing sandals on a date. Flip flops are the Florida of sandals and really should only be worn poolside, beachside (lakeside is unacceptable) or in a hotel which means that your feet usually do not touch the germ-filled floors.
Shorts
I understand that some individuals do not value fashion. They would rather dress functionally which is that. Fine. I’m all about doing anything you want and living completely selfishly as though society will not exist. However, men wearing shorts isn’t just disrespectful to society, nonetheless it is physically repulsive. Men are gorgeous creatures, but their attractiveness isn’t peaking below the knees. I don’t desire to see your legs before I’ve even considered taking your pants off. Larry David famously called a man’s legs “grotesque” and he could be 100% right. Thin, whisky leg hair tangles like a spiders web? No, many thanks. Men can wear shorts while doing or swimming physical exercise. Shorts aren’t for dates, if you don’t happen to end up on a yacht (in which particular case, we shall forgive you; I mean, you possess a yacht) or emerged in a body of water.
Your Phone ON YOUR OWN Belt
The only one who can pull off the telephone on the belt thing is Dwight K. Schrute from The working office and he could be a fictional character. Are you currently an on-call physician? An ambulance driver? A demanded psychic to the stars highly? Then why on the planet would you have to clip your phone on your belt as if it’s an external organ you can’t live without? Besides, all phones ought to be put on silent throughout a date anyhow. No-one is that important, not Obama even.
Your Heart ON YOUR OWN Sleeve
You will find a difference between being charmingly open and disastrous emotively. As I before said, life is defensive driving. I really like it when you initially meet someone plus they tell you an extremely revealing and humorous story about themselves. This means they don’t really embarrass easy and also have confidence. However, there’s this fence and on the other hand is Awkward Town and it’s really not just a place you bring a romantic date. Save that stuff for pillow talk down the relative line.
Your Years Of Emotional Baggage
Just about everyone has had our hearts stomped on by evil exes. That’s the way you know you’re alive. But no-one must hear about your rainbow of horrible relationships on an initial date. Let the fantasy of you both being past-less ride out for as long as possible. Talking about how your last girlfriend cheated on you and now you don’t trust women or the method that you still sleep with her underwear near your pillow is the emotional baggage you can wait to reveal. Also, using a first date to regain some attention or provoke jealousy from your ex is cruel and stupid. It won’t work and now you’ll have two women who hate you instead of one.

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